I say run with the allergic thing. "Oh, you could be allergic. You should not use it for a week and see if it goes away."

Odds are, anything bugging her eye would clear up inside of a week, and she'd think she was allergic for at least a few months.

I don't see harm in a few little white stretches in these cases.
I think it's Pseudo who makes up side effects from the package insert to see if her kids are faking drug side effects and knows how seriously to take it:
"Mommmmmm, I have a tummy ache from the pills for my sinuses. Waaaaa."
"Hmm, let me check the side effects. Oh yes, here it is - upset stomach?"
"Yeah"
"Peeing lots?" (frequent urination is on there)
"Yeah"
"Itchiness?" (that one's made up)
"Oh yeah, my legs are killing me!"

Oh, and if she really wants to wear makeup, you could pick her up a few very subtle neutral shades (like a light brown eyeliner, a few tinted glosses, and some nearly colourless shimmers. Set a ground rule of "not at school and we get to check it before you go out" or whatever.
IME, girls who are allowed to wear a little bit of makeup are less likely to apply it like a showgirl.

I would have said, you need to go to doctor. And btw, borrowing makeup has a high chance of spreading pinkeye. And let dr talk to her. Eye problmes not a laughing matter in my bbok. good luck.

Ask her how many other girls used the same eyeliner... go with it could be pink eye ... maybe tomorrow she will have crust all her eyes .... and at 11 set the rules for make up give her a taste of it .... like ceph suggested

I do not wear any have never ... my DD tried her friends at 12 ended up with a horrible case of pinkeye ... her dad said "no make up" we argued I won and bought her some that christmas got her a whole kit .... by 14 she was so over wearing make up she barely uses any now.

SD20 the more she was told she couldn't wear it the more she caked in on "behind their backs"

SD10 is "more mature" according to mom so she is allowed to shave, wax her eyesbrows, keep her bikini line in check wear lots of make up .... although hubby doesn't allow her to wear any here. He told when she starts middle school she can try wearing it ... so she has to wash it off before coming over.

Just like using lip balm what if they kid has cold sores eeks.

Teach her not to share stuff she will put on or in her body.

Ceph it was me with the fake side effects but I exaggerated what sweeby started with her son and his meds.

Yup - That was me... I just now told older DS (now 18). Younger DS is still clueless.

I like the idea of allowing her to wear makeup, but holding a tight line about how much is in good taste at different ages.
Nothing like a painted tartlet... (Unless it's a tramp stamp.)

"In truth I have no idea why her eye is all red"

Well, see, that's the problem.

Please don't seize this possible disaster as an opportunity to manipulate her into behaving like you think she should (although I don't think you're wrong for wanting her to use less or no make-up or at least not borrow the dam stuff).

If it hasn't cleared up, please take her to the doctor pronto.

I'm with KKNY. That's exactly how I would handle it. Let the dr. tell her not to use other people's cosmetics.

For myself, when my mascara gets old, I'll get itchy clear bumps on my eyelids. YUCK!

I think what OP wants is to tell a white lie so this 12 year old will not wear eyeliner at all (if she thinks she's allergic) but the problem with that... she will find out you lied and not believe anything you say in the future. If she does have pink eye, she needs treatment. It's an infection that requires treatment & it's highly contagious.

I would not risk looking like a liar and she may see you as being manipulative and not trusting you. Honesty is still the best policy... tell her sharing make up is like sharing underwear, it's too personal. As to no make up, that's a parental duty to set the rules, guidelines & boundaries about when she's old enough to do certain things. It's the parent's job to enforce those rules & discipline. Lying to a kid about something like that only makes it harder to be honest with them when the issues get more serious... like drinking/drugs, smoking, curfews, & sex.

It really is a decision for both of her parents to make in their own homes. They don't have to agree, but she needs to know what is acceptable in each home. 12 is kinda young for dark eyeliner, but if her dad agrees... maybe a compromise is to get her a shade that compliments her tone & if she has her own, she won't be sharing. Not that it's right or wrong, but I was going into the 8th grade when I started wearing make up. That would be about 13 so she isn't that far out. (btw, my SD comes home from her BM with make up on since she was 9 which I believe is too young... but hey, it's her house!)

"she will find out you lied and not believe anything you say in the future"

excellent insight!

so will my DD never believe anything I say in the future because I told her there is a Santa Clause and a tooth fairy? Extreme examples, but little white lies are not always bad. Just use your discretion as to when they are appropriate. In this case, however, there seems to be much to gain by talking with her honestly about makeup, pros and cons about using it, sharing, etc.

Nope!!

Lies are lies children should never be lied to about anything... lessons learned from a BM on this board. :)

Yes! I'm still angry that my parents insulted my intelligence by telling me there is a Santa Claus and a tooth fairy... and don't even get me started on the Easter Bunny! What do bunnies have to do with colored chicken eggs?

Christmas is about Jesus' birthday. Easter is about his resurrection. Why not teach children the TRUE meanings of these events???

(It's one thing to go along with those fantasies when they are small but a 12 year old is old enough to figure out it's a lie... I mean all she needs to do is have access to a computer & google or WebMD.)

ima - Big YAWN. To you, Christmas is about Jesus' birthday, Easter about resurrection, etc. etc. To many, it is a secular holiday. You want those people to teach their children YOUR TRUTH? Give me a break. Furthermore, religious traditions and fantasies can coexist. We are not a religious family and kept the fantasy going for as long as possible and it was a part of many great childhood memories for DD. She trusts me regardless, as she understood the reason for the fantasy and will pass on the traditions to her kids, I'm sure. Why take the fun out of childhood? Childhood should be a magical time.

But if all she said is "Hmm, could be an allergy. Maybe you should skip the eyemakeup for a week to find out"
And then a week went past, and it cleared up she could say something like "Yeah, could have been an allergy. Maybe you steer clear of your friend's makeup just to be sure. I bought you this hypoallergenic stuff to use instead."

That's not lying. It could be an allergy. It could not be an allergy. It's hard to say.
But it's certainly using a possibility to the parents' advantage :)

Extreme examples, but little white lies are not always bad.....They were a few weeks ago when you told a poster saying the cell phone battery was dead was a HORRIBLE example and to teach your child to lie is NEVER right , pick one....

The cellphone was not a little white lie, in my opinion and was indeed setting a wrong example for the child. That was someone telling the child a lie to prevent him from talking to his BM. Very different in my opinion. I have not contradicted myself and I did explain what I meant, which is that to me, life circumstances present parental teaching opportunities and they should be used instead of lying, such as this makeup-related situation. Its all in what you consider a lie v. a little white lie (I don't even like the latter term). If someone asked you for your opinion on how a new dress looked, you should offer a compliment, which may not be 100% honest. To make up a bs story to get your own way is different and sets a bad example. Just my opinion.

Well, I guess it might cancel out if you tell a child that Santa Claus ran down the cell phone battery... or the Easter bunny lost the phone, you can call if he replaces it in your Easter basket!

It goes without saying that if you sit in a courtroom day after day, you will never hear an attorney lie. Well, I HAD to believe my attorney when he billed me for 12 hours in ONE day... I told him, but we were only in court 6 hours. He told me he woke up at 2am and was thinking of my case... planning a strategy I suppose. I'm sure it wasn't because he had insomnia (IF he really got up that early) or that he was just padding his bill. It was just a little white lie... he probably did look at his calendar and say 'Ugh, I have court in the morning & I can't sleep!' So, I guess in a way he did think about my case. (and attorney's NEVER make up BS stories!!! ~ they call it 'a strategy' or 'a defense'... and that's not setting a bad example, right?)

If I ask someone how I look... I don't want to be patronized. I want the truth. Why would I want to walk around looking horrible in a dress that makes me look bad? As I am walking down the street & get looks/stares... maybe a whisper or snicker... or people that quietly think to themselves 'that outfit is hideous', am I supposed to remind myself that the person I asked, TOLD me I look good? If someone just wants a compliment, even if it's not true... then they are just lying to themselves.

A lie is a lie is a lie.

and discretion. That's something that is used to justify discrimination. Courts use discretion to come to different conclusions when two people commit the same crime. Why does one person go to prison for life... and the other only gets 5 years and probation??? I understand the philosophy behind it, but I tend to think that if they are both on trial for murder, both victims are equally dead. But, they have to have discretion so that criminals that have gone to college, or come from good families, or have lots of money, or are pillars in the community... they deserve a different sentence don't they? I suppose the family of either victim doesn't see it that way.

"That was someone telling the child a lie to prevent him from talking to his BM"

Hey, Marie, I don't know what you are referring to but we NEVER told SS the cell phone battery died.

DH told him he was not allowed to use a cell phone at our house.

Ant let's also not twist words here. It's not as awful as you make it sound when you say we were tryng to "prevent him from talking to his mother." We were trying to prevent his mother from calling incessantly during DH's custody time. DH has NEVER prohibited SS from calling BM. ANYTIME he asks (which is almost never, but does happen on occasion when SS has something particular he wants to share) DH gives him the phone. And it is usually DH who reminds SS to call his mom to say goodnight every night--sometimes SS will say "i want to call my mom to say goodnight" but probably 7 times out of 10, it is DH who says "time to call your mom."

Just wanted to clarify here that we most certainly do not "prevent" him from speaking to his mother.

It wasnt you who said the cell battery was dead, some other poster who was then given a morality lesson on how bad it was to lie to children. I m sure there isnt a mother on here would advocate lying, or teaching your child to lie, but to say that to deflect the incessant calling was to me a harmless tactic and just needless to say this was not teaching a child to lie, he didnt know the battery was dead or not..

Dotz, I remember now. Thansk for clarifying!

"I m sure there isnt a mother on here would advocate lying, or teaching your child to lie, but to say that to deflect the incessant calling was to me a harmless tactic and just needless to say this was not teaching a child to lie, he didnt know the battery was dead or not.."

Agreed!

He told me he woke up at 2AM and was thinking of my case....You werent wearing that halter top with the sequins to court again, were you? LOLOLOLOL

Santa & Tooth Fairy are vehicles to make abstractions concrete for tiny children;
they're not the same thing as scaring a half-grown girl with a deliberate lie so she'll do what you want her to do...
even if what you want her to do is reasonable.

Has her eye cleared up?

I never responded to the original post.

I DO think honesty is best in this situation. I second everything Ima said. Just tell SD that sharing makeup is icky---just like sharing drinks or underwear or whatever.
At 12, she is not going to want to risk catching some nasty eye infection or sharing lipstick and getting the cold sore virus, trust me! If OP explains these things could happen due to sharing makeup, I doubt the girl will do it again.

I also agree buying her some tasteful makeup of her own is not a bad idea. Eyeliner at 12 makes me kind of uneasy, but perhaps if she had some quality, sublte makeup that compliemnts her skin tone, it might be better. I would maybe even take her to nordstrom or something and have her have a makeup application lesson.

12 is right on the cusp, and if she wants to wear it badly enough, she will wear it at school when you're not there to see---if that's going to happen, I'd rather she have her own makeup and know how to apply it so it looks NICE, not trashy!

"You werent wearing that halter top with the sequins to court again, were you? LOLOLOLOL"

ROFLMAO! That was HILLARIOUS!

I bet there are certain posters here who think telling little white lies to manipulate their children is ok, even if it's to manipulate their children into not seeing their other parent.....

I bet there are posters here that would agree with BM telling FDH that her neice had already purchased lift tickets for FSD to go snowboarding just so FSD would only get 3 days with him.......

All these "little white lies" lead to parental alienation.

I would think a trip to the doctor would worry her a little, especially if you told him before hand what the problem was.

I can understand that certain white lies are seen as non effective , not hurting..but in this case, its the child's health and i'm agreeing with several others, i would take the child to a doctor to get it checked and not wait a week to see if its allergies...eye infections can turn into blood infections and being so close to the brain is VERy dangerous. And you should talk to her that sharing makeup is a number one no no no no....And let even the doctor to her in person. Tell him that she shared eyeliner and see what he says....
I would rather tell the truth than lie. Lying in all honestly doesn't help anyone...even if its a white lie.
Its a learning lesson for SD in many ways. Why would you deny that from her?

Organic, I agree with you absoltely let the doctor tell her never never share eye makeup. Somteims health issues are more effectively communicated by a dr.

I find when it comes to health issues, it is more effective for a doctor to say it. Its health, he's the expert. I'm not saying they dont make mistakes...but this is a simple eye infection with a simple solution. Dont share. Same with head lice.....dont wear another person hat in school. you'll regret that! lol..

just take her to a doctor, I don't see what the issue is. either allergy or pink eye needs to be treated by a medical professional not SM who doesn't wnat SD to wear makeup. guessing here why her eyes are red won't cure her eyes.