I know you are all right. I know like Star said "this too will pass". It just seems overwhelming right now while it's all coming down at the same time.

KKNY
We did consider saying the kids lived with family members to get them into a better school but figured with our luck we'd get busted. Mom isn't an option right now...I'll explain more on this in a minute.

I also feel I should explain that we are not racist but were not stupid either. Children pick on other kids that don't fit in. These kids are also from really bad crime ridden neighborhoods and kids from those areas are rougher and meaner because of the environment they are raised in. Put two twins who stick out with their blue eyes and blonde hair in that kindof setting and you might as well have targets painted on their backs. The girls are loving and gentle. We don't want children being raised as thugs BY thugs to take that innocence from them. The girls will be two of seven white children attending the school with a population of over 350. That is HUGELY uneven numbers.

Like so many of you mentioned,I know if I have a shower we will get alot of the things we need. It's just easy to watch the weeks roll by and panick. I also agree with you LOVE that alot of the stuff we can get later....like the crib. I just get sick thinking that there are people in the world who can drop 5 grand on a nursery and here I am panicking over insurance for the baby. My parents are going to help us alot also, I just want everything NOW. It worries me to wait till the last minute to get the stuff we need. I AM A WORRIER....I can't help it. I worry that I worry too much even.

As far as the girls staying in a class together, it's going to be an issue. He went to the school today and was told they always seperate siblings and he'll have to talk to the principal. I guess it's going to be a huge freaking deal to keep them in the same class. Jonathan feels so strongly about it that he's prepared to go to the School Board if necessary. We just really feel it should be the PARENTS decision and not the schools. They claim the kids "do better" seperated. I think that it is a huge assumption on the schools part considering every child is different. They know nothing of the girls personal life or personalities.

Oh and we found out today that mom checked out of the treatment center against medical advice five days ago. She's probably on a bing. We haven't heard a peep from her. The only way we found out was her ex boyfriend called me today to get her cell number. Turns out her roomie bailed on the rent and she was fixing to be evicted so Nat (the ex) was trying to get in touch with her but when he called the treatment center he was told she checked out five days ago. Mom is too unstable to even put on the school pick up list right now. We can't trust her to not get strung out, snatch the girls and haul ass with them. She apparently doesn't even have a place to LIVE now and she's probably so stoned she doesn't even know. Nat was told her belongings (and the girls stuff over at her place)was fixing to go out on the curb. JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS LADIES. sigh. It's the crap like THIS that has turned me into a paranoid disaster. I'm not use to total confusion and disfunction all the time.

Thanks for letting me vent guys. Sometimes just complaining a little makes you feel better. All your answers were very supportive and positive...that's what I need right now.

I never thought you were racist. I understand the situation. I wasnt suggesting you lie. You didnt have to explain the situation with the mom. I dont know your custody arrangments, but where I live as long as parents have joint legal custody, no matter where they live, they can go to either school. My prayers are with you.

Love-

I am seventeen weeks and it is FLYING by. I know the girls will be great big sisters once they adjust AND I really really want a Maya wrap. It's on my must have list:)

NorCal-

I am a list freak as well:) If I don't keep a list I worry I'll forget something...hahaha. I probably should go on meds for anxiety.

My husband and other family members have all been super supportive. I'm just a panicky weirdo I guess....I'm sure the hormones don't help either. Thanks again for all the encouragment!

KKNY-

Thanks again:) I feel bad because I don't want people assuming we are terrible people who don't want our kids going to school with children of other races. We just wish it was more racially diverse so the girls don't stick out like little sore thumbs. I'm glad it didn't come across that way.

We are both praying that three months from now we can both say "God, we were panicking over nothing." As far as the mom situation....it is truly a nightmare. The girls will be dissapointed that, yet again, their hopes that mommy was getting better were all for not. I'm fixing to cry sitting here.

We TOTALLY thought about lying....hahaha. We are desperate people. I didn't think that's what you were suggesting but I will admit we even consider stating my parents home as their residence so they could go to a difference school. Horrible I know but we were panicjed.

Thanks a bunch for the thoughts and prayers!!!!

I know that you are incredibly stressed out right now and maybe nothing will really make you feel better but let me offer you this:

my kids go to a predominantly black (and they are white) school and when I say predom. black I mean they are maybe the only or one of two white kids in their class and I am the only white mother at the PTA plays etc... and this is a school in the heart of downtown in the "ghetto" it also happens to have the best technology programs and some of the best teachers. They have absolutely dealt with being called the white boy or even "cracker" and sometimes worse but kids will be kids and I can say one thing for sure our kids will never judge a person by their color because the know what that feels like... and they still have an awesome group of friends. Also, I wouldnt worry over much about seperating the girls... I know your hubby feels strongly about this but as a mom with 4 kids very close in age... being in seperate classes and activities offers them a chance to individualize themselves. And it is sometimes hard but I do think kids in the long run enjoy that fact.

Also, I am not above lying to get my kids into a better school if necessary ... especially if I felt it was unsafe or not offering them the right education... do what you must.

And, dont worry.. all will work out with the extra little one... that is the momma worry hormones kicking in... its a good thing :-)

Oh Doodle. I'm a planner and a worrier as well, so I know those days where it just feels like you can't get out from under all the unknowns and they are pushing you farther and farther down. I laughed when I saw Norcal's suggestion of lists because I've done the same thing - just putting down Problem and Potential Solutions and Date of Anticipated Solution on a piece of paper can make me feel like I have a little more control over the issues at hand. BUT - you have to also make an effort to stop looking for issues. Each day presents a million of them, but we don't have to let them all get to us. Maybe you aim to 'solve' one problem a week, be it by chatting with the girls about having a thick skin or accepting others, or looking on Craigslist for a swing, or investigating different insurance options. Then CROSS IT OFF. That's the best feeling.

All issues look worse when you look at 10 of them together. Pick one, focus on it, do what you can to solve it or prepare for it (since we know you can't solve mom) and then move on.

Hugs to you, Mommabug. You're going to be just fine - I know it.

How difficult is it to homeschool in your state? How long a maternity leave are you taking? Are there charter schools available? Are they going to be in kindergarten? Is kindergarten mandatory in your state? Are they in daycare, and what about the possibility of finding a private kindergarten that is part of a daycare center?

Stand up to the school committee, if it goes that far. A lot of times the administration thinks that if they say something is done a particular way, the parents (or father, in this case) will back down. You could request an evaluation for an IEP - given the emotional trauma they have been through, they are likely to be eligible for special ed. Mention that you are considering hiring an advocate, and do so if the school doesn't respond appropriately. These are your husbands' children, not the schools', and too often the schools seem to forget that.

When my kids were little, they apparently didn't notice that people had different color skin - if they were describing someone who was black, they would say "He has black hair." (They were blond). It is sad that at that age children have to even think about racial issues, or even realize that there is such a thing as race.

The previous poster is correct about your not needing much in the way of equipment for a young baby. I have never owned a changing table, and rarely used the crib. The most important thing is a good car seat.

Momof4-

With the sepration thing, it wouldn't bother us so much if they weren't already going through hell with their mom. Plus with the new baby on the way they are having to adjust so so much for such little babies:(

These kids come from the ghetto. That's what worries us. Not that they are black, the girls have no concept of race yet, but that they are what is refered to around here as "hood rats". They start running the streets around these parts YOUNG. Parents get their 7 year old kids to run drugs for crying out loud. Scary stuff.

You are so right about the MOMMY WORRY HORMONES! I have never seen a child off to school and even thought the girls arn't mine, I am scared to death for them.

JNM-

Planners/Worriers of the world unite! HAHAHA. Jon is the total opposite. He is a laid back procastinator adn thinks I am insaine for being so wound up. He thinks everything will work out. Maybe I should just calm down and listen to him more....but then again if I listened to him all the time nothing would ever get finished. LOL. The baby would be 10 before we got a crib:)

TOS-

If you read my reply to JNM, Daddy is a procrastinator. I love him but I could ring his neck because in the grand tradition of him, he waited till the very last minute and now we don't have time to weigh our other options. School starts here Aug. 8th...on a Friday??? I couldn't step up and handle it or believe me I would have. All I could do was nag him relentlessly untill he got them enrolled some where and make phone calls to gather info. Our solution is when the lease for this apartment is up we are moving to an area with better schools. It will be tuff financialy but nothing is more important to us than the girls best interest. We'll manage...parents find a way for their children.

I TOTALLY agree with you that the seperation should be Jon's call and not the schools. It just shocks me that they would make a snap decision like that and force it down a parents throat when they don't know SQUAT about the children. We do eventually want them seperated so they can grow as individuals but they are going through some hard times right now. Twins are closer than normal siblings to start with. The seperation will be very hard on them. Daddy is going to show his a$$ if he doesn't get results.

The girls are clueless about race right now as well. I just hope they don't have a bad experience at this particular school and end up forming negative opinions that stick with them. Here's to hoping.

I understand your concern re race. There are two heavily minority schools near me. In one, the administration requires every student to be civil toward others. The schools are fine. In the others, the administation does not, and the lack of civility has led to physical intimidation at older levels.

KKNY-

That's just it. We don't so much worry about the little kindergartners who are still too young to be hugely influenced....it's the fifth and six graders the girls will be going to recess with, riding the bus with, waiting in line in the mornings with...etc.

Those kids are old enough that if they have been raised around the crime and violence they could be dangerous...and if the school administration sucks ON TOP of that...no good.

The babysitter said she would pick them up from school god bless her. Basically KKNY, we are going to do everything in our piwer to be OUT of this apartment as soon as our lease is up. Would you believe we got zoned to this school by less than a quarter of a mile? Gotta love our luck.

I'm really disgusted. To think we are in 2008 and views really haven't changed, just that no one wants to be viewed as racist. Do you really hear yourselves?

"We don't want children being raised as thugs BY thugs to take that innocence from them. " I don't know why I'm surprised. Not only have you characterized every child in this school as a thug or a child of a thug you haven't even given it a chance. Your first "instinct" is to view all these black babies as mini drug dealers who punk other kids with weapons of mass destruction. These are CHILDREN people.

"These kids are also from really bad crime ridden neighborhoods and kids from those areas are rougher and meaner because of the environment they are raised in."Really, think about what you say, really think about it.

Talk about projecting onto your children. Think about what you show them in your frenzy to get them either out of this school or together. You know everyone is so scared of being labeled a racist and think that if they state "I'm not racist" that that's enough of a disclaimer.

If you're going to make blanket statements like that and label innocent children, well you are a racist.

Hey...I'm not a racist. If the kids were not white but weren't from the docket...I'd have no issue. I do not want my kid's around kid's raised around crime though. Sorry if that's not PC but I don't give a damn. I want my kid's to be safe at school and not have to worry about drive by's.

"Innocent" seven year olds have been arrested for running drugs for their parents in this neighborhood.....just thought I'd throw that in there.

Let's make you feel better, pat yourself on the back and say you're not a racist.

Your logic however is a bit flawed.

Don't let the dark kids taint your precious ones. You think everyone raised in poverty, i'm sorry- more specifically, Black kids raised in poverty are just ignorant porch monkeys whos' parents have them running drugs, shooting up and involved in drive bys. Read a book lady. Yes, thats exactly what happens! And guess what else they do? They microchip little white children who are in their classes so that they can locate where they live and rob you. Did you know that?!

Get a life lady. Your words and your opinion clearly state that you are racist, prejudice and whatever else... But you just like most white people in this country would prefer to pretend than admit it. I am offended by your ignorance but I should have known better than to read past your initial ignorant, disgustingly inappropriate post.

Keepitmovin- Are you black? If not I invite you personally to come to Valdosta at anytime, any day of the week and take a stroll through Hudson Dockett or Ora Lee West and let me know how you come out looking on the other end.

If you want to dub me a racist because I am concerned for my kids going to a school full of kids from crime ridden neighborhoods....fine. I'm a F****** racist.

If you were given a choice between a subervial utopian school and a inner city school in a high crime district where would you prefer to send your kids? If you say it wouldn't matter you are full of crap and if it really DIDN'T concern you at all you are the ignorant one for not wanting whats best for your children.

Jonathan was raised in a predominatly black neighborhood and got beat up ALOT for being the white kid. He would be attacked by five at once on the ground being kicked head and called a "cracker b****". Now based on that you should understand the concern and if not....frankly you can kiss my behind.

If it was a black woman taking her children to a predominatly white school she would have the SAME concerns and I would not blame her. Kid's are cruel and have little tolerance for children who are different. That and high crime is our concern....not the race itself.

Porch Monkey? Who the hell even says that???? Where do you live anyway...Ohio?

The seven year old running drugs is a documented case here. The parents were chardged.

They WON'T taint my kids because they have been raised better than that.

AND

Just as soon as this lease is up we are moving to a better school district where there are kid's of ALL races and the crime isn't off the charts. I guess that makes me a biggot too moving them to a better district. Gasp! How dare I. Snicker

Keepitmoving,

I honestly dont think doodleboo is racist, otherwise she wouldnt be sending her kids to a predominantly black school in the first place.

My X also went to a predominantly black school for 2 years, and had to use his wits to get by (let the big guys copy his homework). As I said before, there is one minority dominated district near us that does enforce rules. I actually sent my DD to their summer enrichment program one year. On the other hand, schools that do not enforce rules are likely going to result in misery for the minority (whatever color that is for that school).

Let me give you an example of what the district that my DD went to one summer does. One infraction on bus, child gets detention. Second infraction, child does not get bus for week. Third infraction, no bus for semester. And the school doesnt kid around. As the principal said, he has only had to enforce the semester rule once. Becuse the parents understand their are rules to protect EVERYONE.

I'm with KK on this!
I also don't think Doodle is racist. I think she's just concerned about what her SDs could be exposed to at a school where many of the students come from a troubled neighbourhood.

My family went through something similar years ago, where my mom was concerned about the one school I could have gone to. It had a lot of crime, violence, drugs and pregnancies. It also had a lot of Aboriginal kids.
She opted to send me to the other option, with much less crime and so on. It also was mostly white kids.
Did race play a role in it? Probably.
Was my mom racist? Not a chance.
The crime stats on the schools and neighbourhoods was the deciding factor.

lol, I went to an mostly white school (all white and there was one black family w/ two brothers, one family from india w/ three kids and two half white/mexican families~ us and one other family) and was picked on for YEARS. Why? Because I'm half Mexican and some kids will look for ANY reason to pick on other kids. That was in 1981 and we finally moved to a diverse school. (by then, I didn't fit in with the 'tougher' minority groups in my school because I had only been around rich white snobbish kids that liked to pick on the few minorities in my previous school)

Doodle is not racist. She has every right to have concerns for her girls. Kids can be cruel. It doesn't matter what color they are, if there is someone 'different', there is usually someone that feels the need to pick on them. i wouldn't generally say that all kids in a particular school are going to do that, but that doesn't mean that kids can't become part of the pack and some kids will do things when they are part of the pack, that they would not do otherwise.

Are you talking about Valdosta, GA?!? Seriously, Valdosta, GA?

If the concern was about kids coming from crime ridden neighborhoods, well wouldn't that be the focus?

"(the school is 98% black,I looked it up)"

"They have no other children there that they can culturaly connect with." Yes, because black kids in the same neighborhood as the OP cannot connect with the white kids in the same neighborhood...you know, because every black kid is painted with the same brush...but since the white kids are in the same neighborhood their skin color dictates their culture?

NIVEA

"(the school is 98% black,I looked it up)"

This was to say I'm worried they will get picked on for being the minority at this particular school. I have no problem with MULTI race schools....MULTI not 98% ANY race. I am not cool with my girls being two of six or seven out of four hundred who are different.

I would have the same concerns if 98% of those kids were green, purple or orange. Kid's are cruel and they target the kid's who stick out.

Will you not at least agree that crime and poverty go hand in hand? I don't want my kids around that. Sue me. Yes. I am talking Valdosta, Ga. Why? Are you from here or something? If so you should be familiar with the neighborhoods and you should understand. If you DON'T know the neighborhoods then keep your opinions to yourself because you don't know the entire story.

Also we arn't in the same neighborhood. I would work five jobs before I ever raised a family in the docket. We just got zoned to this school by default. We were right at the cut of line.

Do not be confused...we do not live in the projects. Far from it.

Yes, I work in Valdosta, Ga a bit for the last two years. Actually just got back from there a month ago after spending two weeks.

And yes, I do know the neighborhoods quite well. It is a very small podunk town with a military base as the highlight. But I come from DC where theres is many black folkz.

Maybe it is just the way you worded it, but yes your posts come across as very racially prejudiced.

If your concern is being picked on (which in and of itself is an entirely different issue than race) and...um, 'culture'...culture is even within a few miles of the 'cut' line.

Crime and poverty do not go hand in hand. Maybe a certain kind of crime fits a certain education and income level, but again, an entirely different subject.

Perhaps your husbands past experience has overshadowed some of the issues you are mentioning and attributing to race.

Nivea-

Podunk.....that's Valdosta alright and we loathe it here. Jonathan's past experiences (as well as others with similiar stories) have made us worry the same will happen with the girls no doubt. I am worried about them being a minority at this school and I think any parent/worth a damn step parent would be.

It comes across as racial because the location I speak of happens to be mostly black. Where we live it isn't. It's mostly older white folk who live in our complex.

I don't even really think culture is a good word for the situation. If crime is really a part of the culture that's really sad. I am just concerned for the girls. I don't like the school and I don't like the area the kid's who attend there are from.

Am I racist? I don't think so. My family in california on my mother's side is all mexican and black. They DO NOT live in the ghetto though. That's what scares me...the area and not the race.

I'm voting for Barak Obama for crying out loud. If I was a hardcore racist I deffinatly wouldn't be voting a minority to run my country....

Doodleboo, maybe it is the way you worded it. I don't know...but it does come across as inflammatory at best.

I'd try to state the facts, rather than the superficials if you know what I mean.

Those were the facts Nivea. The 98% quote came straight from a census report of the Valdosta schools and the reasons I staighted for our concern are the true concerns we are experiencing.

If they seemed inflammatory or superficial to you I just don't know what to tell you. There's no hidden agenda against black folk just concern our kids will get targeted for NOT being black kids in a predominatly black school and also the crime factor.

ALso I'm pretty sure crime and poverty go hand in hand. Does anyone here know where we could look up those statistics????

I don't know about stats... But look at the differences between Canada and the US:

Here, (at least in the prairies where I am) Aboriginals are our poorest group and our most involved in crime.
There, I believe blacks are the poorest group and are most involved in crime.

Black people in Canada are (generally) upstanding citizens. AFAIK, Aboriginals in the States don't cause much trouble.

I know this is anecdotal evidence, but still.

Doodleboo, the concerns you are stating have nothing to do with race. If you are concerned with 'culture' I am quite surprised as in a couple of miles of the 'cut' IS the culture.

It has everything to do with education and income levels.

If it was not inherently racism, then race would have never been mentioned. That easy.

If it were truly a concern about where your kids were going to school or just the neighborhood they inhabited, that's a differenty story then a 98% black school. Should other blacks be worried that their children are going to a 98% black school?

What are the statistics in Valdosta concerning crime? How about statistics concerning state/country level education? I guarantee you that Valdosta has it pretty good compared to most major metropolitan areas.

Ceph, you are mistaken. Blacks are not the 'poorest' group. If it needs to be broken down, google will do it for you.

The most violent crimes in history was done by the white man. And yes, I am white.

Nivea- I'm not arguing with you anymore because you are clearly not getting the reason race is an issue.

I will end this conversation with you with this:

It WOULD be different for a black child to attend a 98% black populated school because that child would not STICK OUT like a sore thumb. That's the only angle actual RACE play's into this. If you read my posts I have mentioned race because I am worried my kid's will be targeted for being DIFFERENT not because I have a problem with blacks.

I am all for MULTI raced schools. I appreciate the girls being around DIFFERENT types of children. I DO NOT however, want them to be the ONLY differend children.

As far as crime today goes it has everything to do with poverty and if it just so happens that the poverty areas are mostly black I CAN NOT HELP THAT. I don't make the statistics. And I am pretty sure Ceph was talking MODERN DAY crime. Robberies, hold ups, drugs, domestic...things of that nature. Not century old crimes against man.

I am so tired of everything being a black and white debate. Hug a tree if you must but the facts are the area is bad, there is high crime (whether it is because of crime or race is beside the point) and I don't like my girls being the entire school's multi race quota. It has nothing to do with my girls being white and the kids being black...it's that they are the ONLY children of a different race and the crime is scary.

And yes, there is a huge difference in our neighborhood and the docket a few miles away. I wouldn't be living here if I was in a place like that and had children. Bottom line. And just as ssoon as our lease is up we will be moving even FARTHER away that way the we don't have to listen to the sirens all the time.

Crime today does not have everything to do with poverty. There are different levels of crime and yes, some socioeconomic factors come into play. But again, as in my first post that is an entirely different subject. Modern day crime is done mostly by whites as well. Whites do make up the vast majority of the US population.

I got what you were saying the first time, but it comes across as prejudiced. Rather than just saying you are worried about the school, crime in the neighborhood, the schools track record. You choose to use inflammatory and prejudicial comments about your kids culturally connecting with any other kids in that school and a 98% black school.

OK Nivea...you got me. I HATE black people ;)

Sigh, I knew it.

HAHAHAHA...Jesus. Youre millitary arn't you?

No, not military anymore. Sometimes work takes me to military bases now and again.

I just had a hunch for some reason.

Kids are mean and nasty it doesn't matter what their status is in society ... her girls are twins no clue identical or not but I bet they look more alike than other kids in their school. So they will stick out for being twins ... their mom has "issues".

Kids are going to target them from the get go ... and when the other kids find out about their mom ... they will also use that against the girls ...

Kids pick out any difference in others and exaggerate it ... and anything can be blown out of proportion ... I worked at a day care center two brother one black one white. They fought constantly ... white brother called him mean and nasty names about his skin color ... black brother called his brother's white father mean and nasty names ... atleast my father is around yours is a crack head.

With all that is going on in the girls lives at the age of 4/5 if she can protect them from being from feeling insecure it doesn't matter what their skin color is ... if it were the other way around they were the only black kids in a school of 98% white she would still fear for their well-being. Because kids are cruel to others.

Even when naming your child ... you think they might get picked on for having this name ...??? people associate names with people/figures they have known

Child's name:
Barney = purple dinosaur
Oscar = green smelly dude
Damien = son of satan
Jason = friday the 13th
Heather = head da (teenage years)
Eddie spaghetti
Olive = olive oyl
Forrest = forrest gump
Adolf??

My SC have unisex names ... and are picked on for that... I had no control over how they were named but I have to deal with the aftermath when they came home crying because someone picked on them because of their names!!!

As a parent you make decision from the time your children are born or entered your life to protect them. So if her wanting to protect her SC makes her a racist ... then I guess I am a racist too.

Is Nivea the only one around here with sense? Doodle, again, you can be concerned about the safety of your children and the quality of their education WITHOUT making comments like this:

"We don't want children being raised as thugs BY thugs to take that innocence from them. "

"These kids are also from really bad crime ridden neighborhoods and kids from those areas are rougher and meaner because of the environment they are raised in."

"Innocent" seven year olds have been arrested for running drugs for their parents in this neighborhood...."

The fact that you want to take one documented case of some poor kid whos parents were careless and irresponsible enough to use him/her and apply it to the whole population of that school as if all black parents do that is insulting. You know, its not only those that fit the Cosby image who were "good" black people. Black parents who are not well off and have to live in "crime ridden" neighborhoods are some of the strongest parents and families I know. And the reason their kids don't get involved in it is because they are good parents.

The way your kids will become "thugs" is if you let them. If you're a good parent like you state you are, then YOU will be enough of a foundation for your kids not to be influenced by things no matter what environment they are in (including an all white, upper class environment). But something tells me you wouldn't be complaining if it were an all white school.

And you know what, it shouldn't matter what race I am! Anyone should be offended by your careless remarks. One piece of unsolicited advice, if you are going to express your concerns about something like this don't set out to insult the entire race with such ignorant comments. As nivea said, state the facts i.e. crime in the area, school is not good, etc. we already get the underlying meaning if you address it like that, but at least its not completely offensive.

I know the girls won't turn into thugs but I don't want them being bullied by them either. Kids for that area ARE alot rougher than the girls...that's the fact. They HAVE to be to survive there and sorry but there is a high number of "THUGS" from these beighborhoods as well. That's the facts.

Again if wanting what is best for my kids makes me a bad person than crucify me. I don't care. The point is just because something isn't technically PC doesn't mean that there isn't fact based in the statement and where MY girls are concerned PC be damned. My only concern is their wellfar not the fragile feelings of bleeding hearts or the three exceptions to the rule. read what you want into my statements. I owe you no explainations. You are not the PC police honey bun.

The area is extremely crime ridden, there are BAD people in excess living there, environments influence kids and my girls will be a gross minority at a school where those influenced children attend.. Those are the facts. By the way a WHITE person can be a thug. It means criminal, slacker, nar do well-er....but it is not an exclusive title to blacks. If you took it that way maybe you are the racist. Along with the porch monkey statement it would make sense.

"As nivea said, state the facts i.e. crime in the area, school is not good, etc. we already get the underlying meaning if you address it like that, but at least its not completely offensive"

Why would you draw conclusions concerning race based on this info? It could be a poor white community in a northern town that has the same statistics and I wouldn't want the girls going there either. Again a racist comment on your part. Just because a place is crime ridden and impoverished doesn't mean the area is a black community. Tisk Tisk. What "Underlying" meaning is it of which you speak? Are you suggesting you would of KNOWN it was a prodominatly black neighborhood without me saying so based on this knowledge?

If you want to burn some one for being insensitive and racist make sure you are not one yourself or at least practice what you preach and word things better.

If it makes me racist to say that 80 percent of the crime in Saskatchewan is done by First nations people, then I am a racist.

If it makes me a racist to say that 80 percent of the crime in small town Arkansas is caused by blacks, then I am a racist.

If it makes me racist to say that 80 percent of the crime in tuscon is done by hispanics, then I am a racist

BUT...

In Saskatchewan, over half the population is native or has native ancestry.

In rural Arkansas, over half the population is black or has black ancestry

In Tuscon, over half the population is hispanic, or has hispanice ancestry.

The stats on crime are true. But it is also true that there is a greater percentage of people from that group in each of those places. So maybe the reason that the crime rate is higher for those groups is because there are more of them there?

There is nothing wrong with wanting your child to be in a classroom that is not predominantely one colour or race. What would be racist would be if you wanted your child to only be exposed to your own colour or race. There is a difference.

Helloo!!! YOU said that it was predominantly black community, YOU said that the neighborhood and school and whatnot was black. YOU are supplying the information lady.

I see this is pointless. Plain and simple you need to watch what you say and how you say it if you don't want it to be offensive. It was "at best" inflammatory. Perhaps I have a bit too much emotion riding on this to express it to you in a way that YOU would ever understand.

Wanting a good school and a good environment for your kids is not racist , making statements as inflammatory as that, is offensive. If you want to justify it, go ahead. I'm done and good riddance.

"It could be a poor white community in a northern town that has the same statistics and I wouldn't want the girls going there either."

And then would you state that the school is 98% white and you looked it up? :)

Ok, I really don't think Doodle is racist at all, but this is a very common theme that sets off the race wars.

Doodle, are you from Valdosta? This makes more sense to me if you are.

Keepitmovin, Valdosta is a very small, poor town in the south of GA bordering on Florida. It isn't too obvious of a racial divide b/c of the military base but I can see that it might still be there now.

"Black parents who are not well off and have to live in "crime ridden" neighborhoods are some of the strongest parents and families I know. And the reason their kids don't get involved in it is because they are good parents."

That is so very true.

Kathline, that was a great post.

Lable me if it makes you feel better. Shine your little PC PATROL badges.

My family, for your info, Nivea relocated here from Florida. I still work in Tallahassee in a state position dealing with LOW INCOME FAMILIES! I have a degree and I'm not ignorant like you try to make it sound Keepit. I am in fact pretty damn sharp. My name is Dana by the way so you can stop with the "woman" and "lady" business...it's very annoying and you sound like a fanatic when you say it.

Before Fl. we lived in Anaheim California which is no more PODUNK than your DC so that theory of yours is shot. I have on lived In VALDOOKIE for six months and I hate it here. The people suck and the schools suck and we plan on getting out of dodge asap. I just don't want my kid's involved in anything that could be damaging to them.

Good luck with your agenda....I'm done with this conversation so you can rant amongst yourselves about race issues because I don't have one.

Peace

That's ALL we want. For them to be in a low crime school zone with a MULTI race percentage. I wouldn't want them going to an all whit school either. They can't learn about other types of people that way. I just don't want THEM to be the onlly children of a different race. It wouldn't matter if 98% percent were black, mexican, asian or whatever. If it was 98% and the crime rate for the area was high....I WOULDN'T LIKE IT!

Doodle, Anaheim is an overwhelmingly white population with a much smaller population. Tallahasee has a little more diversity.

DC is a transplant city.

Two very different worlds.

The reason why I ask if you are from Valdosta is because the way you wrote suggested a southern inflection and I thought perhaps you write like you speak. Suggesting that maybe it is a big miscommunication from the get go.

Well North Florida had might as well be South Georgia. I lived in Florida much much longer than Cali and to hear me talk you would deffinalty know I was raised mostly in the south.

I assure you it was a huge miscommunication/misunderstanding. I am not in any shape or form racist towards blacks since my California family IS black/spanish and I would have to hate my own blood to hate that particular race.

Again it is just the fact that the school is largerly segregated and I am afraid the girls being identical twins AND minorities at the school will cause them to be harrassed. The crime in the area is also a very real fear. Thats it. There is no "underlying" message incoded anywhere.

This thread has taken a very interesting turn. I grew up as one of a handful of white kids in colored schools and was beaten up/teased for it. Then I went to a private, pretty much all white school and watched the white kids pick on the unpopular, dorky kids. Now as an adult I'm about to send my little blonde, blue eyed daughter to a school that is majority low-income Hispanic (somewhere in the 90% range, they have it on the school website). Do I worry? Yes. Because kids are mean. And it doesn't matter what color you are. They will find something- buck teeth, lazy eye, nose-picker, mother dresses you funny? But the school is in my neighborhood. I live with these people. She will have to learn to get along with people regardless of color/background.

In my home state the indiginous people were the majority that committed crime/beat their kids/etc. And, since the white people had stolen their land and profited from it, providing lower education and creating a haves/haves not atmosphere it's no wonder the social events played out as they did. But if I lived in Arkansas or Ohio I bet I would have been treated badly because my dad did the wrong kind of work, or anything else that made me stand out.

There is crime everywhere. I understand being afraid. But I think the underlying message is you think minorities (although with that percentage, actually your daughters would be the minorities) and your district are going to be harmful to your children. It's your responsibility to do what you think is best. But there may be a learning experience here, and you should look at it like that. Not as something to be running from but something to be learning from. Your daughters will pick up on whichever way you decide to play this. I'd rather my daughter see that other kids have it pretty rough than grow up thinking everyone is just like her, except Jennifer has a pool and Becky's mom drives a Mercedes.

Oh, and her birth father, a rich, white guy, upon hearing her schools ethnic background, was very worried and wanted her to go to a private school. He asked why there were so many Mexicans, and I laughed, and told him, I live in X town, what do you expect?! We can either live here and be a part of the town, or segregate ourselves. Personally, I'd rather jump in and see what I can do to make it better than pay to keep my kid oblivious.

Like they say... trash comes in all colors.

Minorities don't bother me...my kids BEING the minorities is what scares me. If you know kids at all you know how mean they can be.

There are minorities all over the town I live in but the "ruff" batch is bunched up in this one particular neighborhood. I want the girls to be around all kinds of people not 98% one or any other race but DEFFINATLY not when they are part of the remaining 2%.

I also don't want them around kids raised in crime ridden areas because all though I know there are some good people from that community they are heavily outnumbered by the not so great people and let's be real...children are affected by their upbringing and surroundings. If the child get's slapped around all the time and called names what is he/she going to do to a child that they decide they don't like? Probably slap them around and call them names.

The girls have not been around that. If these kids target them because they are different, and no one here can argue that these girls being blonde haired blued eyed light skined identical twins arn't going to stick out,they will have no clue how to react. They are not use to violence. They have only been subjected to one incident thanks to their stupid mother and it has stuck with them ever since. It was a very traumatizing thing for them...these kids from the dockett see violence all the time. I don't want my girls being tortured everyday for being different. I don't think that has anything to do with not liking the other race involved.

And you are 100% right...trash DOES come in all colors. Their mother is trash. We saved them from that but I don't want to take them out of one harmful environment just to shove them in another.

You wrote..."If you know kids at all you know how mean they can be."

I agree, see my statement above "Do I worry? Yes. Because kids are mean. And it doesn't matter what color you are."

I understand not wanting your children raised around kids who are living in crime-ridden areas. I'll bet most of the mothers there feel the same way. But with strong enough parental influence children can overcome. And it sounds like you are very involved and strong. I was called a F*$*%*% Haole my whole life growing up and I didn't turn around and call names. Like you said, my mother raised me better. It just gave me a better perspective on human nature. Had I gone to a school my entire life where the parents of all the kids were middle class and highly educated things would have been different, I'm sure. What ended up happening though is I got a first class education in human rights and dignity. I have zero tolerance for racism because I have experienced it first hand. And, by the way, the kids in my rich, white prep school (that I went to my last two years in high school) were the ones with the drugs, because they could afford them!

"they will have no clue how to react. They are not use to violence."

Thank goodness. No one should be used to violence. But our culture is a violent one, especially for kids. How else will they learn how to react? I'm not suggesting you throw your children to the wolves, but that you give it more of a chance than saying "They have no other children there that they can culturaly connect with. They are NOT going to fit in." before they've even gone to the school. What culture do you mean?

My point was not to attack you (and I'm truly sorry if you feel attacked. Your statements touched upon a very tender spot for me.) but to say from my experience this can be valuable for them rather than you worrying and fretting before it even happens. Because from what you're saying, there's no way of getting around them going, even if for just a short time.

Explain to them what to do when faced with different circumstances. Role-play. Let them know they're valued. Volunteer as a room mother. Meet other mothers in the area so they can have people they already know when they start so they aren't the "new" new kids. Find out what sports/activities there are and talk to the coach. I think you could really make a difference in this kind of environment with your experience dealing with low-income families.

Best of luck to you. It sounds like your plate is really full. I can't imagine going through the family turmoil that you are dealing with and I'm sorry it's so hard, especially while you are pregnant. I know I was really emotional when I was pregnant and things seemed overwhelming. You can do this, your girls will be fine. Your baby has two parents and a place to live and will have enough love and enough to eat. Remember that while some can spend $5000.00 for bedroom sets and you need insurance, some are walking miles for clean water and scavenging for food. I support you wanting the best for your children. You are not alone!

I didn't feel attacked. Honestly I have been put all around on the defensive becuase a few folks misunderstood my post.

And YES I am emotional and everything feels extremely overwhelming. I'm just tired really. Between school stress, biomom crap, financial worry and my stressful state job I am at critical mass.

We haven't mentioned anything to the girls because we can't decide if would do more damage than good to call attention to the situation. We just keep telling them if any kid is ever mean to go right to the teacher.