Such a GREAT topic!! My story~~We have two adult children, DS 34 and DD 32. We live in the center of the country and have one child on each coast. Our son calls weekly, our DD not so much. (I've learned recently, however, that she is a GREAT texter, lol, so we now communicate frequently via text.) Once they started college, I backed off w/the motherly advice (unless asked), and upon college graduation the advice ceased completely (unless asked, and, yes, our advice has been sought after on occasion). I believe it is imperative that adult children be treated as we would treat any other adult. We don't pry, allow them to share w/us what they're comfortable sharing, and don't place demands on them. The fact that DD doesn't seem to want a "close" relaionship has bothered me; I'd love to talk w/her more often. But, when we're together, she is the most affectionate daughter a parent could ask for. Even at her age she will always walk down the street w/her arm around me, tell me many times during our visit how much she loves me, and shower me w/hugs (same w/her dad), so I just need to accept that we are loved and more frequent contact isn't in the cards for now. She called a couple of days ago asking my advice on a couple of personal relationship issues and I take comfort in those times and the wonderful notes she writes expressing how much she appreciates and loves us. Also, her personality is just different than DS's; he's a talker and she's more quiet. Our son told us recently that he would like to think we would all enjoy being together even if we weren't related and I took that as quite a compliment. I remember when DH and I were first married and his parents had expectations as to how often we should see each other; oh, how I resented that! It placed a wedge between us. Fortunately, DH didn't bend to their expectations. My MIL is a wonderful woman but doesn't hesitate to offer suggestions as to how we should live our lives. I will NEVER, EVER do that just as I wouldn't w/any of my friends. So, Lynn, my advice would be to follow their lead. Give them the space they need. You've given them the life skills they need to be productive, responsible, independent adults and they are eager to put these skills to use. I wouldn't be surprised that with time your son will want more frequent communication but right now he is establishing his independence and probably anxious to demonstrate to you that he can navigate through adulthood w/the skills you've provided him.

Hi I am a 58 yr old husband married for more than 30 yrs. My wife is a RN now for @ 5 yrs. We do not get along at all. We don't speak to each other unless we are in a verbal fight. We have been living in this house like this for more than 10 yrs. I have a beautiful daughter 22 yrs old. Finished college and has a great career in behavioral health. I also have a 30 yr old son with 2 children supposedly sharing half-half custody with their (moms). They are here more with us than they are with their (moms). I don't work and permanently disabled since since my back surgery in 1997. I still love my wife even though she does not anymore, but I'm ok with that because I am just built like that. This is a volatile relationship 24/7. We no longer communicate on anything unless we're in each other's face. I do not put any hands on her or my children ever. We may have our disagreements but no hands and I like it that way. That is only half of the issue. The other half is my 30 yr old son son who does not plan anytime soon to grow up and support his children. Mamma takes care of everything, and I do mean everything. She earns a very good living with her career, not to mention she is a very intelligent woman about to get her masters degree real soon. But I believe that she is the one who does not want to let go of the 30 yr old and his kids. I don't have a problem with him staying here, but I do have a problem with his attitude, disrespect and his sense of entitlement to how and when he needs things. Oh, did I mention he does not work, nor is looking for work. He don't need to because mamma takes care of all his needs no matter what it is. My 30 yr old does not contribute and can't contribute to this household except for being a referee with me and my wife. Which I must admit is a good thing believe it or not. But like his mother he to is a very hot head waiting under the surface of calm. On January 7th 2018 @ 6:pm my wife goes to work as usual, and I normally prepare her lunch so she doesn't have to while she gets ready. I totally forgot to put these drinks that she takes to work in the refrigerator so to be cold when she drinks them. She took it as an ultimate personal disrespect and all out verbal assault ensued. I was totally caught off guard with this. And as she relentlessly continued with this tongue lashing, I did the worse thing buy saying to her. "why are you being such an ass about it it was an accident, I didn't do it on purpose. When I said that, it was no longer about the starbucks refreshers. She said some very nasty things on her way out the house, and it angered me, and said to her well bye or good-nite and that's what send her over the edge. Now it wasn't about going to work, now the gloves came off. The last thing I said after a brutal tongue lashing from her, I said " I promised myself the very next time she goes of like this was going to put a stop payments from my disability direct deposit benefits to her bank acct. There was no turning back for her a that point. As my son tried desperately to keep her from getting to me, she managed to break his half hearted attempt to hold her back. She ran right up to me and gave me serious beat down to my face. While both of my hands were in my pockets holding on to my cell phone. Now my son said that I stuck my neck out at her while she was in my face and that gave her cause to physically assault me. Me personally I don't recall doing that but my daughter said the same thing so it must be true. After the beating that I took, she began screaming for the whole world to hear. " I want him out of here screaming at me telling me to get the f%#@k out! I never once removed my hands from my pockets at all. Eventually she went to work and we haven't spoke about since. I normally stay as far as I can from her because I fear that things like can happen so quickly, that there's is no time to think. I realize my actions in this already hot relationship. I do hold myself accountable for my actions and my responses that night. I just wished it never happened period, I wish I never forgot to put those refreshers in the fridge for her. I wish I never said what I said to insult her that way. Because I was being mean when I said those things. And I didn't have to do that. I should've just kept my mouth shut, and let her go on her way and none of this would not happen. God forgive me. But I know the damage is done. I don't know my tomorrows anymore and I don't know my family anymore. The energy in this house is very toxic, and I pray each and every day for some miracle but I can't see anything, or any hope insight. I give up.

No--I doubt you actually see how big a deal it is. A 22 year old who is resorting to emotional blackmail now, will only get worse and worse, more demanding over the years. My SIL was the same way with her parents--anything she wanted, she threatened to keep them away from their grandkids. They caved every time. I have no idea how many thousands and thousands of $$$ they lent (read 'gave' because the money was never paid back) her over the years. Cars, appliances, dr's bills, overdue household bills--they paid them all--and mind you, SIL's husband made a 3 figure salary and they lived in a small house in the cheapest area of town (WHERE was SIL's money going one might ask). Eventually, when she stressed her dad into an early grave, and got control of her mother's finances, she stole over a quarter of a million $$$ from the money left for MIL's end care--she had alzheimers at that point. We ended up spending over $20,000 of our own money for legal fees, forensic accountant's fees to get the courts to appoint a guardian to take over MIL's finances. Look, your daughter has all the earmarks my SIL was showing at that age. PLEASE stick to your guns. I'd recommend that it wouldn't hurt to sit down with a lawyer in the next week or two. Most reputable ones will offer a free initial consultation. I'm NOT suggesting you start legal action against your daughter, but you DO need to know what your rights are in this situation, what you'll have to do to get her out if she refuses to go, how long it will take, what are the legal rights of grandparents in your state, etc. Information is ALWAYS the best way to go. Arm yourself with it now, so you know what you have to do, and if you may need a lawyer down the road. Trust me on this--it's far better to ask question and get the answers BEFORE you need them, than to let a situation progress until it's in the critical stage--that can cost a LOT in both money and emotional stress. I wish you the best--sounds as if you've got a tough road ahead. Oh, and while you're about it, start keeping a journal about what your daughter is doing/not doing around the house and as a mother. Documentation may save you down the road.

Best Wishes Cat... I remember Southern ... she was a dentist She clashed with TOS and KKNY ... her and vista left about the same time. They all clashed because they couldn't understand what the adult skids had put her through all for money ... it was mostly her money and his kids felt entitled to it after she married their dad ... and of course they supported the adult children who refused to support themselves .... The adult skids failed to understand had their dad not married Southern he would be as broke as them. :) Colleen posts once in a while ... not too often though. Vista and Southern were both dentists dealing with very greedy adult SC. I tried contacting both of them at one point they never came back ... disappeared like TOS doodle .... gone but not forgoten all for different reasons but I wonder sometimes what happen with alot of these women.