Bride and Groom refuse to dance at reception

16 years ago

My daughter is having a very small wedding (32 guests) on Nov. 1st. We're holding it in the charming party room of a restaurant here in Austin. To save money, the music will come from the bride's ipod through the venue's speakers. It's a seated dinner. My daughter just informed me that her fiance absolutely refuses to dance, and that's fine with her because she thinks those first dances are corny and that dancing with ones father is yukky. My question is what happens after dinner? There's no DJ or master of ceremonies to move things along. Won't people expect dancing? It just seems so awkward with neither the bride nor groom participating. Maybe this is a situation that will simply take care of itself when the time comes....

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Comments (6)

gellchom
16 years ago
Your last sentence answers your question.

I really don't think anyone will "expect" dancing (not that it matters even if they do) at a reception for 32 at a restaurant anyway. I wouldn't. Is there even a dance floor? With only 32, you could have wonderful toasts and family stories. I think that would be even nicer than dancing.
chinchilla_queen
Original Author
16 years ago
There's an area that could be used for dancing, but what you wrote is extremely sensible. Thank you!
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Since your family is from a different culture, I suspect you will be given wide lattitute and not be expected to behave as if you were Japanese. I would suggest reading up on Japanese customs and wedding traditions so you know what they are -- but not necessarily trying to follow all of them. Ask your DIL-to-be and her mother for advice, and defer to as much of it as you comfortably can, diplomatically explaining your reasons for those customs you can not embrace. For example, the offer to rent kimono is generous and kind, but there are many traditions that go along with wearing kimono, and you may inadvertently do something offensive or foolish that would not stand out or offend if you were dressed in Western dress. Obscure (to Americans) things like wrapping right over left or the proper number of layers of undergarments. Also, you both would probably need to be 'professionally dressed' for the event, which may be uncomfortable for you. Giving money as a wedding gift is a widespread tradition among Asian (and many other) cultures, and one you should probably not try to erradicate. You don't need to participate, as presumably, your cultural traditions will be given similar respect. You might also ask to include a select few American traditions -- perhaps throwing rice, stomping a wine glass or tossing a bouquet? Maybe mention the possibility to the bride, explain the reasons for the tradition -- but be prepared to acquiesse graciously if they're not particularly important to you. As for your expected financial contribution, if you can't find the information online, perhaps the Japanese Studies department at a university could help you. Or a library? Or a friend of Japanese descent? Or ask your son to ask the bride to be. Some direct questions can be embarassing, but surely far less so than doing the wrong thing. Your FDIL will want you to make a good impression on her parents, and should be willing to be "uncomfortably frank" to make this happen. Gift-giving is a very important ritual in Japan, and the gifts to and from the wedding couple would be, I imagine, rather MORE important than most other types of gifts. If there's one area where I'd be especially reluctant to break with Japanese tradition, this would probably be it. Get the 'low down' from your FDIL and her parents and explain to the American guests how it works so they will know what to expect and also not feel/appear foolish and ill-bred.
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Traditionally, at least around here, it is the best man's responsibility to take care of this. But practically speaking, I think the MOH usually takes care of it. When a wedding is at a hotel the MOH can take the cards and have them put in a safe, either at the front desk or in her room, handing them over to the couple later (I've done this when I was MOH, or just assigned the task). Gift tables often have a silver tray or something subtle for the cards to go on (open basket, etc.). Or people just put them on the table and the BM or MOH collects them after all the guests have arrived (people here do it that way, they don't walk around with the card and hand it to the bride). In our case, I had the wedding coordinator for the function hall put them in her safe, she handed them to me with some other items when we were leaving (I had my father take the gifts). The worse thing I ever saw was a wedding in NY where the bride walked around with a bag (like a decorated pillow case) collecting cards. I was embarrassed for her.
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sweet_pea10
16 years ago
When the reception is small and held at a restaurant, dancing rarely occurs. After dinner they will cut their cake and you can have toasts and allow guests to visit with one another, as Gellchom mentioned. You may want to ask someone to serve as an MC (maybe the best man) to direct people's attention to the cake cutting and to facilitate the toasts. He wouldn't be expected to say much, but he can guide things. Anyone who has a good voice (I assume there will be no microphone) and who doesn't mind speaking in public can serve as MC.

As a wedding planner, I find that restaurants don't expect groups to stay as long as you might if you were having the dinner at a hotel or event center, so a shorter reception works well at a place like that. If you were to have dancing and stay for several hours, the restaurant might not be too happy.

It sounds like a relaxed family time - my kind of wedding.
sheilajoyce_gw
16 years ago
If the bride's parents are the hosts of the wedding, it is nice to hear from one of them to thank everyone for coming to share their special day. Then say something about the lovely couple, either a special memory, or what the future promises, or some family story.

I remember the story my DH planned to share -- when we knew this was a serious romance. DD came home from San Francisco for Thanksgiving to tell us about this young man she had met in September. She told the story of her group bar hopping in the city one night and meeting up with other friends. She discovered that everyone else had had their dinner, but she had not. She was worried how to get some food as the bar did not serve food, so our now son-in-law suggested they go down the street and get her a pizza. But she was worried that everyone else would hop on to the next bar, and he assured her that they would still be there when they got back. So there they sat at the pizza parlor at a table just large enough to hold the pizza pan and not her drink. Thus he held her coke for her as she ate her pizza and sipped the coke. I knew as soon as I heard this story that this was her Mr. Wonderful.

Then the groom's father got up and told a darling story about his son as a boy -- how he was good at catching frogs and none ever got away from him. He tied it into catching a wonderful girl.
User
16 years ago
My sister held her reception in a private room in a lovely French restaurant. The only music was provided by a woman playing the harp. It was all sit-down except for the toasting, no dancing. It was a wonderful evening following a beautiful wedding.

It's their wedding. Let them do what makes them happy. Guests go with the flow.
marcsgirl425
16 years ago
I was gonna say if somebody wanted to dance to just get up and do it lol everybody could just mingle otherwise i mean just because they don't want a "first dance" where it's just them and the bridal party doesn't mean they won't dance at ALL

Bride and Groom refuse to dance at reception

Comments (6)

gellchom

chinchilla_queen
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Bride and Groom refuse to dance at reception

Comments (6)

gellchom

chinchilla_queenOriginal Author

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chinchilla_queen
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