Sanju, I am not familiar with that plastic roll thingi, so I have no idea, how that would work, if that would be strong enough or not. As I said, I don't have Nahema, but Laguna is strong, thorny and fast growing. You may be forced to cut too much in that esplaier or the plastic will be worn out fast. The tuteur my DH come up with for Laguna is truly so simple that is just unbelievable. He bought 5 piece of 10 feet long rebars, he bough a can of anti-rust spray in flat back and sprayed those rebars. Inserted the rebars into the ground forming a circle. He also bought a cup that he found in the plumbing aisle of the hardware store for a few $ and that holds the rebars together on the top. The only "design", if you can call such a simple thing or move like that design at all that he twisted the top part before he put that cup on the rebars. It was done in less than an hour. the structure is strong enough, does not take up much space and we can wrap around the canes diagonally, rearranging the canes every spring. So far the only problem was that hurricane force winds blew off the cup a few times but DH reinserted it in no time. Maybe you can re-think your planting scheme and put one climber on that plastic wall and the other one on a tutor -like structure? If you want, I can try to find photos of the structure when Laguna didn't cover it and email it to you, so you can see it, how simple it is. I want similar structures for Compassions and a few others. The only issue to bring home the rebars - they don't fit into my DH car.

phth, "babymama" is SS's SO, they have never married but live in a family situation. Yes, I once liked my SS a great deal. I've known him since he was 14. For many years, I defended him to DH saying he would grow out of this, helped him with things like money, tried to help him find a job, when his first son was born I babysat, took him places etc. The 8 year old has had many emotional problems since he began to talk at around 2. He has been diagnosed with ODD, was kicked out of headstart programs, pre-schools and suspended several times from his elementary school. He is an angry child and very hard to handle. He bullies, is defiant with adults, destructive, I could go on and on. He once deliberately stepped out in oncoming traffic to force me to step out there with him to "save" him. The same day he broke a clock and ran DS's bike in to a wall because he couldn't ride it. I "saved him" but that was the last time I ever kept him by myself. Yes, my skids mother is still alive. I don't know what role she has in all of this now, years ago she accused me of being a homewrecker, told skids this as well as her family. This was untrue, I met DH 2 years after they separated. He confronted her publicly about this when we found out and she recanted publicly in front of her kids. They did not come to our wedding 11 years ago in solidarity with her. Yes, I think SS resents not getting the support and involvement he feels he needs from DH. But, as I have said before, the situation is complex, DS is only part of it. DH disapproves of how SS29 is living, not working, incomplete education, 2 kids, public assistance, etc etc. He loves his first son but there is a lot to it. DH is a doctor, SD35 a JD with a masters degree and SS29 is a freshman college drop out. The first child was accepted as an accident, not the second. DH paid for him to complete a great trade school program, he completed the course then did not pursue the jobs laid out for him. I believe SS29 has distanced himself due to his jealousy combined with a general lack of maturity about DS6. I know that many people, parents, sibs and close friends distance themselves from very sick people due to fear, lack of understanding, lack of commitment and so on. It still hurts a lot. I have done a lot for SS29 and his kids, especially the 8 year old, over these many years. I used to genuinely like him. For him to turn away like this now is inexcusable. Maybe not unforgivable, time will tell.

I have no idea what can hapen or if you have any rights at all, but you're not the only one. This issue is one that worries me a lot too. I have bad dreams about it on a regular basis. I haven't told my whole story here yet, but here it goes... My BF, J__, has an eight year old son, A__. However, A__ is not actually J__'s biological child. J__ met and began dating BM when A__ was less than a month old. They were together for almost three years. A__ is the result of a very rebellious late-teen phase where BM was mixed up with a very unsavory crowd. The guy who provided the gametes (I can't bring myself to call him any derivative of 'father', much less 'dad') was in and out of jail, refused to acknowledge her pregnancy, and so on. Since he was such a swell guy, she decided to say "Father Unknown" on A__'s birth certificate. Gamete Guy's mother asked if she could spend some time with A__, and BM said ok. That kept up for a few years, but Gamete Guy has never met A__. J__ became involved with BM and took the father role for A__. A__ calls him Dad and J__ has always been there. BM stopped letting Gamete Guy's mother see A__ because he came home when he was about 4 or 5, sobbing and crying. She had told poor A__ that J__ didn't love him because he wasn't his dad (what an awful thing to do!)... J__ and BM never married, but talked about J__ adopting A__. The reason they decided not to: A__ is part Aboriginal and we are Canadian. Around the time that they were talking about it, a very similar case showed up in the news: Father was Aboriginal, Mother was Caucasian. Father had never met Child and wasn't on the birth certificate, but knew of Child's existence. Adoptive Father came along. Mother died, leaving custody with Adoptive Father. Father and his family sued for full custody AND child support from Adoptive Father, citing important cultural beliefs that Child should be with them, even though they couldn't afford it. They won. J__ and BM didn't want this to happen to J__. So they decided to leave A__'s guardianship with BM's mother and keep J__'s involvement a handshake deal. They didn't want J__ to wind up paying child support to a bunch of strangers if something ever happened to BM. They also thought BM's mother would have a better chance in court if it ever came to it, since she is genetically related to A__. GM would definitely let J__ have access to A__, but I doubt Gamete Guy's family would. This whole situation has both ups and downs for us. Ups: I have past precedent to show me that J__ doesn't walk away from his responsibilities. BM has no legal chain to yank J__ around by. J__ has no set child support for A__, he buys things as A__ needs them, and that gives him peace of mind that she's not sponging off of him. Downs: J__ has no legal custody of A__. If something happened to BM, he has no rights at all and that scares the crap out of me! BM has shown that she puts A__'s welfare above any petty differences with J__, but if she ever wanted to, she could take A__ away from us entirely, and that also scares me and leaves me feeling as if I'm walking on eggshells. AFAIK, A__ is aware that he has another father that he has never met, but I'm not sure if he really comprehends it all - I'm concerned that when he actually understands what that means, he'll be upset with J__ and resentful that J__ didn't adopt him, even though he has chosen to be his dad without the paperwork. So, I have no idea what you could do (if anything) but you're not alone in these fears!

All, I went back and reread a few of my old posts especially the ones from when I first started to write here. As I read them now, I feel that if I hadn't lived through all of this with my DH and adult skids, I wouldn't believe it. And as I reflect on all of the other drama that so many of us experience in the stepfamily scenario I really breathe a sigh of relief. Two Xmas' before I posted the above, I bought Christmas stockings with my skids, stepgrandkids, DH, DS and my names on them. Hung them over the fireplace with stocking stuffers DH and I bought, the whole routine. This past Xmas when I unpacked the decorations I found them. I offered them to DH to give to his brood as they are very nice wool embroidered stockings, too nice to throw away. He tossed them in his trunk saying "That was your thing." The whole togetherness, holidays, Brady Bunch scenario I tried to make happen. He was right, I was the only one who really ever wanted that. There is a gentleman who is interested in dating me but things are just too fresh right now, and the divorce isn't done. However, the BIGGEST thing by far that is making me look hard before I leap is that he has an 11 year old daughter for whom he has joint custody. He has told me many times he thinks I'm a good mother vs his ex. Oh boy, totally the wrong thing to say!!!