I'm wondering how everyone feels about our current situation with my MIL.
First off let me say that for the most part she has treated my BKs very well, right off the bat. She is usually a very generous person, if she likes you. My BKs haven't had a chance to mess that up, yet. However, she does treat certain GKs differently than others, as well as her own kids.
My DH's kids have been treated like second class kids since he divorced the BM. Since our marriage, it has declined further- she claims it's because of the awful things the BM and Skids have done. She has cut them off from holiday/birthday gifts, except one Christmas when they visited unexpectedly, and she gave them last minute gifts.(None liked or taken home.) She did give my SS a graduation party and gift, but would not allow any photos of the BM to be displayed with the rest of his growing up photos.
My BKs also notice the different level of interest, and really, I don't think they'd care, except when EVERY holiday is a "Day at Gma's" event, and they end up sitting in her house for hours with nothing to do. She allows the older GKs21-27 to use her computer or chose TV programs, and has an entire play/TV room set up for the youngest GK4.The middle kids 11-18 years old(all mine or DH's) literally have no place in her home, it seems.
Making matters worse, we are expected to attend family dinner EVERY Sunday, after a very busy morning at church.My kids just want to go home, eat a bite, and relax, as do I. Even DH grows weary of the hurry up and get to Mom's, cuz everyone else is waiting, so he can serve dinner and jump up and down from the table every 2 minutes to fetch something. Everyone else can or does arrive 1-2 hours ahead of us, yet the table is never set, the meat needs carving, you get the idea. Then, after this massive feast, only one or two of the others stick around to clean up or they hang out watching a game.Usually my one BIL or SIL do the dishes, perhaps because MIL babysits the GK4 daily. I used to think that if I helped out there'd be less on my DH, and some kind of balance--not so. The more he or I did, the less anyone else did. So I stopped. I've finally gotten up the nerve to say "I'm not going to your Mom's this Sunday." It was hard, because that's the only day he doesn't work. That means I lose spending time with him.
I guess this is really two questions.
How do I broach the subject of not excluding the SKids; how do we get GM to understand that teens and tweens need to do more than stare at parlor walls?
mom2emall
mrsmaddogOriginal Author
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