Thank you all for your responses. There is not much I can say for myself, other than I am truly sorry. Sylvia... yes I am devastated... I'm human. I've been in love very few times in my life. I feel stupid to admit this is one... My nights are sleepless and that's when I stay up conflicted about this situation. But be assured my days are spent struggling through the loss of my career opportunity. I play over my evals again and again in my head, but it is easier for me to deal with because it is black and white why I failed. I had a 90% avg going into those final days, but the program is set up to put the pressure on, and I choked. My field is one in which I can still find work but will likely have to resort to contract work and the process is painstakingly slow, but I have always been able to take care of myself, and job wise it's easy for me to sit and make a plan to dig myself out of a hole. Unfortunately when it comes to matters of the heart, it's much more difficult for me. I'm just... sad. Yes Popi I did think with my heart. It's very rare that I let people in, but when I do, I certainly have made mistakes and gotten hurt. (Though this is the only time I've ever fell for someone who was not single) Thank you for the advice. Sylvia the drug reference is good... you are certainly on to something, but I suppose for me it was that I'm a hopeless romantic... I kept picturing Swing Time scenarios... a fine romance indeed. I can't tell you why he pursued me, why I gave in, I can't tell you what it was that made it happen between him and me, I can only admit that it did happen, and that I'm guilty, shameful, and embarrassed. Not an excuse... there is no excuse, and please understand that I do know that... and that I truly am sorry. That's most likely why I feel like I'm struggling the most. That's why I asked, can one be sorry without regret? Meaning I am sorry, but my feelings for him are still there...I want him to be happy. I will always have questions as to why, what if, is he truly happy, etc. But I have blocked him since that last email and now that the wedding day has come and gone, my resolve is solidified. I know time is the only thing that will heal, but I have to say writing it all out the other night helped. And your responses... I needed it. Scarlett I can pretty much guarantee that lesson was learned.

congratulations to the newlyweds and to heidi , btw heidi just out of curiousity are you the same heidi on the allaboutweddings group?? anyway back to the subject creating keepsakes has a wedding layout book it is nice i have it ( im getting married in 46 days) and i too have a list of must have photos. i am doing all of my layouts on shades of blue paper since my colors are navy and white i think that this will give it a more uniform look and tie it all together. another site that might be useful is www.gracefulbee.com. let us know how it turns out. good luck

Penny, the planning is worth it! I took that extra pair of shoes and we had safety pins and bandaids and we NEEDED them! We didn't use the chalk or the tape etc but if we had needed them, we would have had them there which is half the battle for 'emergencies'! If I had it to do over....hmmm, well one thing I cannot stress enough is DOUBLE and TRIPLE check with all your vendors a few weeks ahead of the date and the week before! My florist was wonderful but she made a few minor (thankfully!) mistakes like forgetting to take out one boutenier I had to cancel when we rearranged the wedding party after my husbands friends couldn't come out to be in the wedding but the tux thing (shop suddenly said they couldn't get what he needed a week before the wedding!)could have been a nightmare if Jim, (my DH)hadn't found another place that could fit him in less than a week! So keep checking those vendors and pack an emergency kit! Yes, jenny, that's the one! Made me cry halfway through and after I'd just got dried up from my husband's announcement to me....but I loved it! It was the sweetest thing...sigh... Thanks gellchom and Springbride! Yes, it was pretty much without a hitch! LOL, I even got to the church ON TIME despite our not being ready at the house when the photographer arrived! Even the video a friend set up (he was also a groomsman so couldn't hand shoot the whole thing) came out really nicely! To all of you here who've been posting- Thanks so much for your help and advice and especially the support when things were rough, I really appreciate it and can't thank you enough! This is one fantastic wedding site and it has a lot of truly caring and wonderful people! I've added a link to a set of pictures my husband did up quickly today. We'll try for some better wedding shots later, but this is a good mix for now! Here is a link that might be useful: Some of my wedding/honeymoon pics!

I married my husband this year after 6 years of dating. We are both divorced for many years with now grown young-adult children. At the time we met his daughter was 18 and my son 14. My son loves my husband and accepted him with open arms. His daughter struggled to accept me in her dads life. Her dad is a very nurturing, attentive, loving person. When we started dating he shifted all that to me and away from his daughter. And I do have to say....it must leave a void. I was concerned about his 18 year old daughter by herself when he would stay over my house, because she was all alone in his house an hour away. Her mom was busy living in an apartment starting her life and dating. That's all I know on that topic (no judgement). Moving on... It was a living H with her for the first 2 years. My husband naturally wanted to introduce us. She was busy, didn't have time, the venue wasn't interesting to her. Bless his patience! We finally decided to go shopping for her birthday. On the trip, she hijacked her dad. She would take him away from me within the store to look at clothes, and I was left on my own. When we left a shop, she would squeeze between her dad and I walking down the street, again I was pushed out. The last straw on our first meeting is her purposeful talk about past family memories that drove home I was so misplaced. Well, after that event I hated her. HATED this spoiled, bratty, immature girl. I don't feel guilty for saying it either. The next 6 years continued with different rude behaviors. We went on a group vacation with friends and she was hostile toward my son (16 at the time) because he woke her up at night with the television. Her hostility continued foe 10 days leaving my son uncomfortable and confused. He couldn't understand how anyone could get that upset over his blunder. Remember he was 16 and he is a boy. LOL When he got sick with double ear infections and she had to give up her room so he could rest in a bed (not a hide a bed with a thin mattress-he is a heavy kid and she is barely 100 lbs). oh boy you should have seen the commotion. That is probably the only time I got angry in the 6 yrs I have known her. Everyone in the condo was tip toeing around the idea SD had to move rooms but no one would tell her. An argument ensued about whether it was right to make her move after agreements were made. That is when I hit TILT. Instead of asking nicely, I laid out the new plan regardless of anyone's prior agreement or rantings. My son was very sick and needed to rest. When he was better they could change rooms back. Oh boy, she threw me stink eye for the rest of the trip. Add insult to injury: my son walked in on her while she was brushing her teeth in the bathroom and she cam out ranting. Oh.... The injustice! Enuf said. I hope you get the scene here. Flash forward to today. She got older and met a boy that she lives with. He appeared to be a good influence on her. Dad had to smack her hand last Xmas for her incredibly rude behavior toward me; when dad would leave the room she would start whispering with her boyfriend as if I wasn't in the same room. When actually I was preparing the dinner they were about to eat. Sigh! Now it's been 4 months since our wedding: we invited them wine tasting (something we wanted to do) and no response, dad calls and texts and no response, I see her on FB and I'll LIKE her posts on occasion to keep the oar in the water. She loves her mother and grandmother, who give her a lot of monitory privilege. We are not in a position right now to do so and even if we were I wouldn't do it to gain her attention. So WHAT IS MY ISSUE? I am angry at SD and my husband!!!! When we got married in June the theme of our service was family. I had such high hopes, having such an abusive marriage in the past. It seems like my dreams have been shattered again. A part of me is heartbroken, perhaps too idealistic is the lesson here. Ha! I don't think this situation will ever change, or at least right now there are no signs pointing toward an upward trend. After 6 years of this, I'm toxic with anger. I can't live this way anymore. I dread Xmas because I have to deal with them. Conversation is like pulling teeth. All I get is one-word responses or on occasion an explanation. I think up topics ahead of time to prepare for the uncomfortable silence. They never ask about my son, me, or my family BTW. I've decided to disengage from her out of self-preservation. No more cooking meals for people who are rude to me. No more hosting people who lack the most obvious manners. No more party invitations. Xmas will be a card, sorry we are out of town. Dad and SD can figure things out between themselves. I'm not winning here. New to the SD game, but really hating it. I want off this merry-go-round. Ideas? Thoughts?