may i be blunt.. with all due respect .. and all good intent .... AND THANK FOR YOUR SERVICE TO OUR COUNTRY ... i did this myself ... IT WAS THE WORST SUMMER OF MY GARDENING LIFE .... i spent all summer stressing over the flowers .. like i didnt have anything else to worry about with EVERYTHING ELSE about the wedding ... ever have a hail storm in august in MD??? i dont understand if you are planning on doing all the flowers.. or just some ... what i ended up doing... i found a good florist who was willing to work with me ... we ordered what we needed with the understanding that i would bring all additional flowers that i could to add to it all ... it did end up working out very well .... but that was because i had a failsafe plan ... PLEASE DO THAT FOR YOURSELF ALSO ... you cant call florists a week before the wedding and hope you can find someone to cover for what ma nature did to your garden ... i ended up taking 5 five gal pails with about 100 EXTRA roses ... it ended up being wonderful .... PRIORITIZE AND DECIDE IF THE DAY OR TWO BEFORE THE WEEDING.. YOU WANT TO SPEND IT COVERED IN DIRT IN YOUR GARDEN.. or decide whether there will be about a million other things that will be more important ... like the dress .. the food.. the hall ... the honeymoon packing.. the guests.. the rehersal dinner ... the.. the.. you get the idea ... i wish you and your daughter all the luck in the world ... ken PS: is she thinking this will save money ... or out of respect for you [from your bio i suspect it is the latter] .... the money and labor you put into it all would be better spent by you by actually buying the flowers and adding some floral goodies .... this should be about you and her and her wedding .... not about your garden ... and being about as hardcore in the garden as you seem .. i had the rehersal dinner in my garden ... after rehersal .. we all just met back at the house and had pizza and relaxed ... i got all the accolades i needed for the garden ... and it helped relax me for the big day ... i keep rambling on ... sorry .... thanks for bringing back a part of my wedding that i let slip out of my memory ... men arent supposed to well up about all this .. are they????

Martha, it all sounds wonderful. A happy partner, the large space for gardening, welcoming house...I hope you and your new DH have many happy years there. You've certainly had your hands full for December, either a wedding or a move this month would be a lot...and you've done both :) What a shame about the plumbing, sounds like you are dealing with the discovery with much grace. I hope you'll have photos to share with us - when the wall is sealed again, of the house and the garden , if not soon, this Spring when things begin to wake up... It sounds to me like an indoor kitty would fit right in to your household - you might consider one and give it access to your attic.

Thanks! Good words of advice. halfdecaf - I love that you repeat your vows on your anniversary. That sounds like a very worthwhile tradition and one I might copy for us. I know the "good cop/bad cop" role is pretty tricky. It's not really how we intended it, but it's how I feel usually. My BF's own father abandoned the family when BF was at a very young age and his mother essentially detached from the family as a result of her husband leaving. As such, BF had no healthy parenting images to look up to so he leans toward parenting out of guilt or giving in too much to his own son. I come from a fairly strict, but caring, family so I've tried to share my own parenting examples with them. The result is that BF's son now has a normal bedtime (when we met he would let his son stay up until midnight! And he was 5!), he cleans up his own plate after dinner, he's not allowed to throw things or act physically in anger, he's not allowed to hit his dad or be disrespectful to us without consequences, etc. So I feel like the "bad cop" because I implement/encourage a lot of the discipline and a lot of the rules about what's acceptable and what's not. The only reason it's working is b/c BF currently backs me up on the decisions and is actually a little grateful that I know a little more than he does about general parenting, while he knows more than I do about his son's specific needs. So I think we make a good team. Of course, if either one of us ever stops supporting the other, I can see how that might cause some mutiny... We are also considering premarital couseling. One of my biggest challenges is learning to bite my tongue and not constantly tell him what to do. I was single for too long and have lots of rules in my own head about the way things "should" be done. On the flip side, he was single too long with a young son - essentially living the bachelor life with a kid tagging along (have you seen the Adam Sandler movie, Big Daddy - something along those lines, but not as extreme). So figuring out when my comments cross over into "nagging" seems to be a fine line. I never want to be the "nagging" wife.

Thank you all for your responses. There is not much I can say for myself, other than I am truly sorry. Sylvia... yes I am devastated... I'm human. I've been in love very few times in my life. I feel stupid to admit this is one... My nights are sleepless and that's when I stay up conflicted about this situation. But be assured my days are spent struggling through the loss of my career opportunity. I play over my evals again and again in my head, but it is easier for me to deal with because it is black and white why I failed. I had a 90% avg going into those final days, but the program is set up to put the pressure on, and I choked. My field is one in which I can still find work but will likely have to resort to contract work and the process is painstakingly slow, but I have always been able to take care of myself, and job wise it's easy for me to sit and make a plan to dig myself out of a hole. Unfortunately when it comes to matters of the heart, it's much more difficult for me. I'm just... sad. Yes Popi I did think with my heart. It's very rare that I let people in, but when I do, I certainly have made mistakes and gotten hurt. (Though this is the only time I've ever fell for someone who was not single) Thank you for the advice. Sylvia the drug reference is good... you are certainly on to something, but I suppose for me it was that I'm a hopeless romantic... I kept picturing Swing Time scenarios... a fine romance indeed. I can't tell you why he pursued me, why I gave in, I can't tell you what it was that made it happen between him and me, I can only admit that it did happen, and that I'm guilty, shameful, and embarrassed. Not an excuse... there is no excuse, and please understand that I do know that... and that I truly am sorry. That's most likely why I feel like I'm struggling the most. That's why I asked, can one be sorry without regret? Meaning I am sorry, but my feelings for him are still there...I want him to be happy. I will always have questions as to why, what if, is he truly happy, etc. But I have blocked him since that last email and now that the wedding day has come and gone, my resolve is solidified. I know time is the only thing that will heal, but I have to say writing it all out the other night helped. And your responses... I needed it. Scarlett I can pretty much guarantee that lesson was learned.