How do I deal with an ex-wife who is bitter?
nessa-2006
17 years ago
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brass_tacks
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
My wife of 3 years cheated. How do I know how far she went
Comments (8)Let me tell you that if I saw pictures of my DH in bed with another woman, even fully clothed, he'd have lots of explaining to do. But, after finding these pics and seeing as how she was hiding her phone and finding out why....I'd just wait it out and see what her future and current behavior is. If she has plans, meetings or outings that are out of norm for her, I'd check those out. If her appearance changes as far as weight, hairdo, clothing...I'd look into the reasons why. If she went looking elsewhere because you're stubborn and a non- talker, then change your style because it ain't working for you. If you want things to work, then you both need to meet in the middle. She may have slept with this man. but if she did and you love her and don't want to lose her then just deal with it. It may have been just a fling to prove that someone else found her attractive because you didn't make her feel that way. if she's got what she wants at home, she won't go looking elsewhere. Hope it works out for you....See MoreI need your help to respond to my ex-wife
Comments (67)disengaging : I did like your presentation. I wish I can present my case just like that. There are times words won't come under lots stress. People such as yourself open up a door, I see it as wow, that is polite way to put it in... Great that tells me what I try to say it... In that aspect I do appreciate your letter. I really I have friends such as yourself, where I can discuss something of this nature, get a unbiased opinion. I was little bit frustrated with other posters, It is possible I was under stress, I am the one going through the good and bad, these people are not going through I am going through, at the same time trying to trap me, and make me look bad than worse. I understood my fall and my raise. I am trying to get a second opinion, because I do not want to run into the same path which was devastating path which caused me lose the person who loved me so much when we were together, now she is on the other side, it is gone. I am trying to recoup the loss and trying to get my head straight. When a baby trying to walk it falls few times, we try to help them out, rather finding faults that the baby should have held to the chair, if the baby did not, who to blame. That kind of talk is not help at least me. There were times, I try to type fast, lots of typos, irregular sentence formation. I am not a writer to impress everybody here at the same I have to present my case here so that some one is humble who could point out misbehavior and suggest possible solution. That is all I need from people such as you and others. I never thought I would come to a message board to discuss my issues. When things were rocking and rolling, never thought about there is a message board of this sort. Time and place, my action brought me here. I am still proud myself for seeking help, instead become alcoholic or drug addict or living a low life for ever and never get a break. We open up the opportunity, we shut the door. It is always we. What meant is that individual. Thanks for reading, I am not here to pi.ss people off, I learnt a lot from this message board. I would say I added more knowledge coming to this board. I will continue search for help if and when I needed it....See MoreEx hit stepson...how do we deal with it without scaring stepson?
Comments (9)Personally, I think it was a mistake for your husband to call his ex. We've dealt with this for two years now, SD goes to her mom's and tells mom 'stuff' and mom calls dad up, yelling & ranting at him.. not 'discussing' as reasonable parents should. From your post, it sounds as if he didn't call when he was calm & reasonable, he was upset. She responded with anger or defensiveness, which is not going to resolve any conflict or resolve the problem he hopefully wants to resolve. (and my SD has also been sitting next to her mom when mom calls dad to yell at him and she'll be crying and begging mom to stop... then I'm sure she feels this is all her fault. Not a good position for a kid to be in.) Kids will play up the parts of a story they know mom or dad will react to and the truth is, there isn't much you can do about what mom did. Unless there is a bruise of other evidence of abuse, involving CPS on a one time incident is going to subject the child to further trauma... if it's an ongoing problem, then maybe intervention would be appropriate but it sounds to me like mom was stressed out and reaching out to dad for help by calling him. When she called to say she was going to hit him, what did dad say to her? Did he offer to take the child since she was obviously stressed out? I think one resolution would be to give mom help with reducing stress, which may be more time at dad's and maybe the parenting classes or counseling to help her deal with problems. I don't think it would help to call CPS or file to take her child away from her if she is otherwise a reasonable parent that just had a bad day. Last year, I was put in the position of being accused of hitting my SD. She wanted her mom's attention so she told her mom that I hit her all the time. Her mom called CPS on us claiming my 18 year old daughter grabbed SD by the arm, dislocating her arm. All of it was untrue, nobody has ever hit or grabbed SD in our home and CPS closed the case because it was an obvious lie, but the point is that it put my SD through additional turmoil of us having to take her to the doctor to be examined and she was pulled out of class at school to be interviewed... and all the time, she knew this was because she told her mom that I had hit her.. which was made worse for her because she knew it was a lie. I don't think she realized what a big deal it would become. and it's no picnic to be falsely accused of abusing a child!...See Moredealing w/ boyfriend's ex wife and grown children
Comments (5)First of all carolyn...welcome to the gardenweb. Your situation is not that uncommon. Happens lots in fact. Can I ask you a question? Why haven't you two married? Twelve years is a long time. You are lucky that most people at the family functions seem to like you. The indirect hostility hasn't gone too far yet, but if ignored it will have far reaching and extremely damaging effects. If you want to read a great book on indirect aggression, read Phyllis Chesler's book, "Womans inhumanity to woman". The fact that you two have not married leaves the ex with the hope that they will reconcile. A marriage is a definitive move. Most times;) I have always been ambivalent about a mother's relationship to her children in so-called being forced to share their affections with another woman, particularly the one living with her ex. I respect parenthood a great deal, and I have never understood the zero sum stance "most" exwives have. I also am an exwife who learned to share my children with a stepmom. Damn, if it wasn't the single hardest thing I had to learn about myself. I had all the normal instincts of wanting my children to love me most. Or, not even that, to love ONLY me as a mother. I could and did think of a bazillion reasons why she was no good. She did the same for me. Then, when their marriage ended in divorce, my ex wanted to drive her out of the lives of our children. Give me a break! They are adults now. They should have the freedom to make their own choices without my interference that may source from envy or vengeance. Who the heck was it, m. scott peck who said life is difficult. "This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."...See Moreweed30 St. Louis
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