Right, Martha(and OP IMA)and whats worse, is this filters down amd impacts relationship with in laws too, the entire family...Not only does Dhs X poison SKs, she is in communication with her ex inlaws....And altho X knows nothing of me personally, she has added them to the seething mess......Lets take sides here against her, as X is the real mom after all.....

Sooooooooooo true! Ima's post was in response to something I wrote and I really appreciated her view because I have always known that BM was self-centered, but the part about the XILs really hits home. Not only has she poisioned her family against BF (who is an active and wonderful father), but she tries to do it to BF's family as well. When they came for a visit, she came to our home and basically pushed her way in and stayed to have a conversation with BF's SIL. Basic polite communication is okay, but she wanted to talk "privately". BS!

Ash, LOL I thought I was the only one!!! I was in a room with a SIL, when her cell rang, it was her sister..She said I cant talk now, SHES in the room!!!!!These people live across the country, come in once a year or so but apparently the phone wires are burning up with rumors from the X about evil me..My DH just told me Monday that his brother was invited to a family Grad party(we were not)and he says they just dont like me, and I know its because of me, not him..And I feel so badly for him being excluded....Seriously, I ve done nothing to these people, but exist....They also have plenty of skeletons in the closet, not so for me...Latest rumor about me, I have 5 kids by 4 different men!!!! Where am I hiding them?????For the record I have one adopted child and am infertile...Go figure that out.....

You aren't the only at all dotz. Making up fiction and presenting it as fact is prevalent in second marriages even when the current wife had nothing whatsoever to do with the divorce. Then after poisoning the well for you with gossip, lies and innuendo they innocently say "well, people just don't like you". Uh huh. Again, primarily a female activity. Hopefully your husband sees right through it.

In honesty how many in-laws do people have that they just don't like? A few I am sure, but it doesn't stop them from inviting family members to events.

The hardest part for me is that the FILs live a full day's drive away. If I go there, I'm stuck, but I don't want to stay home without my family. They corner me and make me uncomfortable with all their questions and insinuations "Well BM said that you.......(fill in the blank)". It's funny because I am (or was before she moved) a prevelant part of FSD's life, especially on weekends. I've even been the one to pack FSD's suitcase and make sure she has the right stuff. Then, we go to visit FILs, and BM calls FSIL to tell her to do this or that while we're there. FSIL has seen FSD MAYBE once a year since 2005! Before that, she hadn't seen her in like 6 to 8 years! Every time I go I try to help as much as I can, but I always get treated like they don't need my help. I can't win! But, I don't want to stop seeing them because that's what BF did before 2005 and FSD didn't know her family. And I want DS to get to know them as well.

I love our home life. We only see them occasionally, so I feel like for the sake of everyone else I should just suck it up. I'm sure the gossip would be even worse of I didn't go.

Thanks for the reply Colleen, and Ashley, you re scaring me!!!! Must be the SAME family!!! These people didnt know what DHs kids LOOKED like until I came into the picture!!! Now they are emailing, phoning, FAWNING, we re SO proud of you, we LOVE you so much, They NEVER saw the SKs before!!!! When I first met my DH, SIL told me she didnt REMEMBER what X looked like, she had only seen her a few times in her life!!! Now they are BFFs..My DH was in the hospital in critical condition, I called SS , he called his Mom(X)SHE called all her X inlaws...I felt that was really an invasion of my and DHs privacy...SIL s angry I didnt call them right away, gee I was more concerned about Dh, didnt even remember I had inlaws at that point(didnt have the phone numbers anyway....SO the big deal was not my Dhs health crisis, it was I didnt call them...X made sure I didnt get the chance to....

OMG! That is so crazy and self-centered of both X and ILs! How can they turn something around to be about themselves? Sometimes it's better to make those phone calls when the crisis is over because there's more information to give then. Poor SS can't even worry about his dad without his mom meddling. Whatever happened to MYOB?

I wish I could give you advice or even a success story, but have no idea what to do, either. I always speak nice of BM around my FILs and that's all I know to do. If you have any advice or a success story, please share so I know there's hope in this world. LOL!

EX was out of place contacting your in laws. It should be apparent to everyone that her calling around had nothing to do with a deep abiding concern for the family but was more a power play which she got away with. And, EX thoughtlessly used her own son as the informant.

It was not her business to inform your inlaws, but if your husband refuses to let his family know that they are not to accept any information about him or you from the EX, she will continue to get away with this kind of behavior.

EX needs to mind her business. If she wants to continue communication with your husband's family, she needs to focus her comments on her own life, which no longer includes your husband. SS, has an emergency? Sure, it is her place to call.

Yeah, I was furious!!!I almost had to laugh when the 23yr old and 16 yr old were talking to the Dr as if they were in charge, because they are the REAL family, the 16 year old even asked Dr for his BUSINESS CARD, I m sure so his MOM could call Dr to see how DH was doing, being naive enough to think Dr would discuss with Ex Wife!!!! I did hear my Dh bawl out SIL and tell her she shouldnt be talking to Ex, but it didnt stop her.Funny Dhs brother just got engaged, they are talking to his X also...SIL told me shes a MAJOR alcoholic!!!! They ve NEVER met her, and live 15 states away!!!!HOW would they know???? LOL May take the heat off me for a while!!!!

Dotz,

Your story reminds me of some of the shenanigans my DH's XW pulled when he & I were first together...she came up with some whoppers! I am pretty sure she shared her stories with at least one of my now SsIL. This SIL was pretty cold and, sometimes, downright mean to me when DH & I were first together. Took a while to earn my way into her good graces. The XW helped this process long by ultimately showing her true colors...After more than a decade together with DH, his family has more than accepted me; they have been warmly supportive and ultimately have fully welcomed me into their family. They have been and continue to be wonderful.

Wry, LOL So if I m patient for a decade maybe they ll warm up!!!Holding my breath now!! LOL I was afraid SILs and X would come to hospital and totally gang team me, and cause scenes, as if a tawdry person such as myself should not be allowed to care for my DH, or make decisions for him..Unbeknowst to them, my uncle founded(and was past chief of staff at the hospital DH was in) and an emabrrassing scene there, of all places, along with, will he live or die, added so much unecessary stress..Lost 18 pounds and BP shot up 30 points(now I m on BP med!! First time in my life!! )But not one SIL showed up to visit, My dear brother took a surprise 4 hour flight to make sure we were OK...THAT is my defintion of family.....