Trail, I am impressed on so many levels. But what I like most, is that you are on this journey with your DH.

I am in awe of your dedication to your well being, it's indeed an amazing journey.

Note to self: I'm very wound up lately, why can't I even set aside 30 minutes for meditation ? it's so key.

Thank you ellen for your kind words. This retreat is DH's and my way of celebrating our wedding anniversary..42 years now. The metta we wrote is our version of vows that we now take 2x a day. It is so moving to sit together for an hour in silence in the early AM and then as the evening approaches and the room becomes dark....then repeat these words together.

mitch...it is indeed key and it is hard. One thing we have found is to do your meditation first thing when you get out of bed. I wash my face and brush my teeth and go upstairs with DH to our meditation room. Do not stop for anything else...nothing. Make it first. You know how they tell you to pay yourself first...meaning your savings ? Well that is exactly what you are doing with your meditation. You are paying yourself first. Making deposits that will grow and add interest :) Good Luck and please let me know if this helps. c

thanks Trail, I'll keep you posted,
Mitch

I was just thinking about you and wondering why we hadn't heard from you recently. I'm glad to see it was because you were on a wonderful, peaceful retreat. I admire your dedication.

look forward to hearing from you Mitch

hh...thank you for thinking of me. It is definitely a gift to ourselves. The best kind of selfish. What we gain more than makes up for what appears to be a rigorous undertaking. I look forward to your monthly checkins. c

Wow, I am in awe. I went to a B&B out in the country in upstate NY a few months ago, and although my days were busy and full, when I came back to the B&B at night, it was just me, a book and my lamp. No visitors, no electronics, no tv, no radio... It felt so good to "get quiet." Made me realize I need to find a way to do that in my life. It's scary in a way right? If you get that quiet, what might you hear?

Would love to hear more about your re-entry, and what you have taken with you as the next weeks unfold....

trail - I too was thinking of you today and hoping you were not dealing with problems. Indeed, you were not. What good work you were doing - both during your retreat and here, sharing with us. Thank you.

bestyears: yes you nailed it when you mention "what will you hear?" Many people wear ipods and have the TV on too and are texting and who knows what else. At the gym they have on their earphones and the TV is on and they are doing their exercise and often talking to the person next to them and music is playing in the gym itself. At home kids bring their cell phone or games to the table and the family has the TV on that hangs in the kitchen and there is also one in the den and the bedroom...all or some of them on. Is it any wonder that our country and its people are in such a mess ?

I know folks that pride themselves on multi-tasking. I don't see that as a plus. I used to but not anymore. When the discussion of meditation comes up I often hear folks talk about sitting quietly with a book or listening to music. All of this is nice and relaxing but ignores the importance of silence..complete and total withdrawal for a specified time in a specific place . There is then the comment, well taken I might add, that "I can't sit still ". I used to not be able to do it either. I prided myself on the fact that I was always going....where ? We can all learn how to sit and we all have the time. If we do it is something else entirely :)

Re-entry: to answer that and java's comments . Our son in CA was having huge problems again before we left on retreat. Once before we cancelled a planned retreat due to this. Not this time. We told him we were going. BTW he has done a 10 day Vipassana retreat and also a 3 day in CA. He meditates every day and it has helped him tremendously. It does not solve all problems and when you have sown bitter fruit for decades and then want to harvest sweet fruit the small trees you are now planting take time to bear. Karma is ongoing and we all know that past actions come back to bite us in the a^& more often than not. He is the perfect example of this.

So ..back to re-entry. We checked our cell phones with trepidation on Sunday AM before we left the center. Nothing...sigh. As I said above we had someone with us. She has a lot of issues due to her brain injury and also she was a very very creative welder and artist and always had a dozen projects going before her stroke. She now has family issues and her DH is having problems too. All of this made DH and I conscious of how much we were looking forward to the 6 hrs in the car to talk and shed tears and get back into our lives in a gentle way like we did last year. That was not to be. Our new friend needed a lot of support. DH and I waited till we got home and then went to the store and started supper and then we sat for an hour.

In the twilight together we just sat and let our hearts and minds connect in the silence. It was not what we did last year but it was what we did this year and it was perfect. For one hour life was put on hold and the cell phone was off.

Emails and phone calls have been pretty much constant since we got back. DS2 is asking for and getting a lot of support but we are taking a lot of what we heard this past 10 days and applying it as we have not done before. I can't tell you how much easier this all is tonight and how differently we are behaving in the face of the same problems we have encountered for decades.

Our DD needs us in Atlanta so we are headed up there for 2 days to help her move and get "stuff" for her new apt. FIrst time she has had one alone...she is 30 LOL. No more roomies !! Lots of angst but fun and scary too ...she just changed jobs as well so lots of excitement...and emails and texts and phone calls :)

DS1 and DIL and grand baby need us in VA...we head there after 2 days in Atlanta. We will be there at least 3 weeks and maybe a month. We will be caring for baby every day. Wow....lots of emails and texts and phone calls trying to work out the details.

I can honestly say that even a year ago I wouldn't have been able to do this as gracefully as I am tonight. I said in my original post that DH and I hadn't been practicing as we were taught. But ..and this is a big but..we were practicing and we were making changes in our lives together around this practice.

All of our problems are not solved. I still get depressed and I still get angry. Our kids still mess up big time and will continue to do so. There will be more tragedies in our lives and in the lives of the ones we love. I will practice meditation and metta 2x a day and with the knowledge that everything changes I will go forward..one breath at time.

Thank you all...for allowing me to share. Putting these words out here has made my load lighter and I hope has helped you too. c

That was a great description of your re-entry. I'm jealous of the way you have made this happen in your life. I have always been a big multi-tasker, but for the last few years have purposefully worked on focusing on the task at hand, slowing down the pace, and not rushing unless it is actually necessary. (I always seem to automatically do things quickly). I have definitely made progress. But wow, to truly silence the noise for ten days, and then to make the commitment to meditate and metta every day, that's really impressive.

bestyears...give some thought to attending a 10 day course. There were 32 women and 25 men at this course and they always have waiting lists at this center and all of their other ones. I don't remember where you are located but there are 3 centers in CA and one on Mass and the one in Jesup GA and one in Dallas...can't remember the others. I will link below.

This would be a gift to yourself and everyone in your life. Think about it . Thank you for your kind words. c

Here is a link that might be useful: Vipassana centers

Thanks for the link -this would be a huge step for me, but I can easily see how powerful it could be.....

Your welcome. If you ever want to "talk" you may email me through GW. I would love to spend some time discussing the topic if you would like. c

Thank you for sharing your personal experience with us. It sounds so amazing and enriching. I've never meditated, but wonder when you do, is your mind silenced? I cannot even imagine doing that, except when I sleep. But even then, dreams invade. :))) i need to learn to shut off negative thoughts, and once they start, it's like an avalanche. I worry too much, even when there is nothing to worry about. Does that make sense?

So I am now wondering, after reading your post, is meditation the answer? Is it similar to praying?

I also am most impressed with the fact that you and DH took this journey together. Have fun on your upcoming visits with your kids. Sounds like you two are excellent and giving parents!

anitamo I am glad you asked the questions you asked. Many of the things you ask can be answered by reading the links about Vipassana meditation and what it is and isn't.

Your thoughts are not silenced so much as re-directed when they arise. You learn to focus your breathing on a point at the base of your nose on your upper lip area ...a spot the size of your fingertip. Breath normally...don't try to regulate your breathing. As you concentrate on the breath and the spot there will of course be thoughts that will arise..gently...smilingly let them go and refocus on the breath and the spot. This is why it is necessary to meditate for an hour. Some days it takes almost 1/2 or more of that hour to get the mind to settle.

The reason people have repeat behaviors ...negative, addictive...whatever they are is because they don't have the patterning in their brain to waylay those thoughts and behaviors. Meditation allows you to get into that calm place that , over time, allows your brain to short circuit the behaviors and reactions that you want to change. There is a split second between the time something touches one of your 6 senses and you react. Meditation allows one to enter that split second and change the response. It is a simple and as complicated as that.

This does not happen on a time table. Each person is different. You do really need the intense 10 day course to learn the entire technique. The part I told you about above is only the first 3 days of the course. It is a start though.

Meditation is not secular...it is NOT related to any religion. it is a way of life. it is based on the 3 premise that I linked to above. Anyone can learn and anyone can practice and change the habit patterns of the mind. It is an experience that requires a very alert and sharp mind. it is not a passive practice. Sit up right and be alert and allow yourself an hour 2x a day. Set aside a place that is only for your meditation...a pattern will begin to form.

Please feel free to email me and we can talk more. I am SO glad you asked. c

Thank you for the helpful reply. I have always wondered about meditation and feel drawn to it on a primal level. I will read the links, and will take you up on the email offer if I have more questions. Thank you again.

You are most welcome. I am not an authority by any means but I can help with my own experience. I am so glad you are interested. Please do follow up. c

Beautiful. I have wanted to go on a silent retreat for quite some time, but think I need to start with less than ten days!

texan...I will tell you what my DH told me...you don't go to the retreat and sit for 10 days...you go and sit for one minute at a time. Don't eat the whole sandwich at once...trust me...this is the best thing you will ever do for yourself and those around you.

sorry if I come off sounding like a salesman. Goenka laughingly tells a story about that during one of his talks. He says you will find yourself listening to his evening talks and thinking...oh so and so really needs to hear this :)

Go...believe in yourself...you will be so glad. c