First of all, thanks again for your guidance and encouragement. The event is over and yes, there were a few moments of tension. Although they did not involve us directly. I have to confess now to something that I didn't admit to earlier in an effort to avoid looking like a complete doormat. Early on I had offered to help with a dessert buffet to serve at the church, so they would have something for those guests they weren't inviting. As it turned out, I purchased, and made everything that was served (with the help of two friends and our children). All of the items were chosen by the bride ahead of time. We decorated the tables with greenery and candles, and made a beautiful and tasty presentation including choc. dipped strawberries, etc. We had fun working together on it which made it worth it. Since I hadn't originally intended on doing it all, I decided to forgo a "traditional" wedding gift. While we were in the middle of baking and dipping etc., I received a phone call asking how they should word something on the program inviting those who were not invited to the "reception" to enjoy the treats at the church. I told them that there was going to be plenty of food for everyone. Then I was told that they wanted to limit it to those who were not going to the reception so they could talk to others faster and keep to their time schedule. I replied that there was no way to word it that would not draw more attention to the fact that some people were not invited to the reception, and told them again that we had already worked very hard to make enough food for everyone. They finally agreed and dropped it. My 8 year old went up to the bride during the "church reception" and told her that he should be invited to the dinner because he was "part of it", she told him to talk to his mother. I questioned him and confirmed that she never said anything like yes, but just wanted me to handle it. So I told him that technically he should be included, but explained that it was going to be very boring and that he was going to have more fun at his friend's house. He seemed to accept that. One guest, a high-school friend of both the bride and groom, asked the bride how to get to the restaurant. She apparently told him that the seating at the restaurant was limited and that they had not been able to invite him to that part. I guess he decided to make a point of how rude he thought they were, because he showed up at the reception anyway. They had the owner of the restaurant ask him to leave. He replied that he was only planning on staying until the bride and groom got there so he could wish them well. So then the bride's mother came up and insisted that he leave, telling him that he already offered his congratulations at the church. (Incidentally, the bride never wanted him invited to the wedding for some reason, but gave in when he called asking if his invitation was lost.) He remained in the parking lot until the couple arrived, and said something like, "Well, apparently I'm not invited to celebrate with you, but I just wanted to wish you well before I leave." The bride's mother said something to me about not wanting to be rude, but that they shouldn't have to deal with something like this on their wedding day. Personally, I feel they created the mess, and she should have let them suffer the fallout. One niece,(the flower-girl) who at fourteen towers over several bridemaids, including another niece who is only thirteen, was somehow the only member of the wedding party (attending the recep.) not included in the limo ride to the reception. She was understandably crushed. They said something about the ring-bearer not going so.... Incredible! Anyway, it took forever to serve everyone. We literally sat at the table for 2 1/2 hours before they brought our table's entre'. The portions were so small that my husband ended up taking our boys to Burger King after to get something else to eat. Our only relatives from out-of-town had assigned seating in the corner opposite from us. And I mean...they were locked in...the only way for them to get out was to ask four other people to get up first. So I only got to visit with them for a few minutes after dinner was served, and while the cake was cut. They were seated next to the parents of the bride and friends of the brides parents that they didn't know. The best thing I can say is It's Over!; the couple is very good-looking; my ds was extremely cute as the ring-bearer and even added some comic relief the bride was hoping for; it was fun working with friends the day before; and It's Over!!!

If your concern is for how you will know who is coming to what, the solution to that is to include a response card with separate yes/no lines for each event. For the invitation, you could both on one invitation, but I would do them on separate cards. Make sure that the dates are prominent on both so that your guests will notice that the events are in different times and places. I assume you mean that everyone is invited to both Florida and Michigan? You used the word "or," though, so I can't tell for sure. If you only want them to come to one or the other, then you need to decide who you want at which one and only invite them to that; I can't really think of a polite way to invite them to both but to tell them they can only choose one. I would also avoid confusing terms like "marriage celebration/reception" or "marriage celebration." Three weeks later is close enough that you can call it a "reception." People know what that means.

I think it depends upon how small the wedding is, what kind of reception you are having, and whether you know this JP or are just hiring her for the day. My husband is a clergyman, and we are always invited to the reception. But -- these families are his congregants, not strangers hiring him for the day. And even then, if there is a VERY tiny wedding, say, 15 people, who are then going to a home or restaurant for the "reception," I know he would not be insulted not to be invited to join them -- and I absolutely would not expect them to invite me, too. Often these families will ask him, or us, to join them at the restaurant or wherever, but we realize that they are just being extra courteous, not wanting to walk off to celebrate right in front of us, and we decline. I think that is probably what you are worrying about, right? Because the reception is at the same location as the ceremony. I don't know what you mean by "small." If you are having 100 people or something, I would invite her and her husband, with the same invitation you use for the other guests. If it is a small group, but you are having just coffee and cake or something, as opposed to a meal, I would ask her to stay, but I don't think you must send an invitation to her and her husband. If you don't know her except that you are hiring her for the day: don't worry, she probably won't accept even if you do invite her. As lovely as your wedding will be, she sees hundreds of them, and she will have other things to do than be at a reception where she doesn't know the people.

Ok, here is what we did: We had a very formal wedding reception and, like you, I did not really want people bringing their children. The only kids I invited were family--obviously, my DD and SS were there (both 6) and my 9 year old cousin, 8 year old cousin and 5 year old cousin. I had no problem with family children being there. For the invitations--I simply put Mr. and Mrs. John Smith--therefore, it was clear that it was not a family invite, but one only for the couple. We did have one couple (friends of my dad) call and ask if kids were welcome and my dad just told them that it was a formal event, and the only other children attending were family members. Now--I personally do not think you can ask or expect people to use your sitters. I would not feel comfortable leaving my DD or SS with a sitter that I personally don't know, no matter how much YOU trust them. That is nothing against you--it's just how I feel as a mom. And not all parents are like that, some are more laidback about those things... BUT like I said--I don't think you can expect that everyone will feel comfortable doing that. I would just let people do what they are comfortable doing. If they want to take advantage of the sitters you have, then great. Otherwise, trust that they will be mindful of their children and will probably be getting them home to an early bedtime, anyway. FYI--all the kids at my reception had a GREAT time and were dancing the night away on the dance floor. People were drinking, having a great time, and the kids totally did not interfere with the adults' good time. My kids left first at 10 pm--I had a babysitter for them who took them back to the hotel to spend the night. My cousins seemed to leave around 10:30-11 and then the party went on until midnight with no kids. Also--with our DJ, we not only gave them a playlist, but we also gave them a list of DO-NOT plays--that included the Chicken Dance, YMCA and a few others, I felt the same as you! So that way--even if people request songs you don't want--the DJ won't play them! :) Have fun!