Totally realistic! She can have the the custody agreement drawn out that "specifies" that the children not be around his GF because of the physcological harm it is causing.These children are still mourning the loss of their dad,there is no way that they are ready to bond with this woman or her kids.Especially since she had an affair and caused the marriage to end!!!!They may be too young to know anything,but eventually they will if they dont already.

That woman has no idea how much his kids are going to resent her!If the husband thinks that forcing his GF down his kids throats will make them "like her" he's got another thing coming...Im worried that these kids will be mistreated by this woman once they start to act up,which they will.The fact that she has kids just magnifies the whole thing.There will be sibling rivalry and jeoulusy between the kids,and alot of anger towords this woman.If they only knew...

My daughter's dad tried to pull that on me and i told him to "kiss my XXX."There was no way that my kids were going to accept that woman because they were still in therapy over losing their dad,and fantasazing that we would get back together some day..it was too soon and they needed to spend some time with their dad alone before having to "share him" with another woman and 2 kids he was now plaing daddy to.He also spoke to their therapist who explained it to him,whom he totally ignored-when he showed up at his visit with his gF and had her get out of the car to meet the kids.So at that point i had their therapist write her reccomendations and filed for a change in visitation and handed the judge the children's therapist reccomendations.

So he had the option of staying at his mom's with them or supervised visits every other week.I personally don't agree with the 50/50 custody,I could never let my children live away from me for six months out of a year with some other woman being a parent to my children and i think its just too difficult for children to have to adjust to two sets of households and families-if they are teenagers,then maybe i'd consider it though.But that's just me.Unfortunetely his GF wasn't too happy with those options so in the end he opted to just walk out on his kids.

Either way i dont think that what is going on is healthy emotionally for these children.They must be so confused and conflicted in this situation.I feel really bad for your friend though because she wants the kids to maintain a relationship with their dad,but i don't agree with him pulling this.I say the visitation arrangements should be on her terms if he cannot think of the kids best interests,get them both in therapy and use their advice as proof that she is looking out for her children's best interest instead of trying to be a vindictive x.

Good luck to your friend and her children.I hope that she gets this all worked out soon before these children are hurt any further by their father....I sware some men don't have any common sense!

Thank you. Me and the other moms at dinner w/ this woman told her we thought something could be done about not having to subject her kids to sharing their dad w/ this gf and her DD. I mean, when he first moved out, the DD in my son's class was waking up at night, asking for Daddy, crying, not knowing what was going on. The son, in PK, was having a lot of behavior problems and acting out at school.

This husband was initially so remorseful over causing his family to come apart that he offered his wife everything. Wouldn't you know, probably the gf insisting that wasn't fair or taking his parents advice as they have turned their backs on their DIL, he had a change of heart and is being very sneaky about money and threatening to fight for joint custody. I'm w/ you on that 50/50 thing. I think it's so tough for the kids - school work, bookbags, everything being constantly shuffled around has got to take its toll. It may work for some, but if my DH and I ever split, there's just no way he could handle the homework and all the school responsibilities to anywhere near my standards, lol.

Anyway, the husband here works for his parents and they've helped him hide money, be secretive, etc. It's sick. And, the wife is almost hurt by them as they've been in her life since she was 14 yrs. old. I would undoubtedly make my sons step up or at least support my DIL if my kid decided to ignore his marriage vows for a bartender who hits on married men for a living!

Lastly, we are all terrified that the gf will get pg. I don't know how that would affect his children. So far, because the mother is showing so much class, the kids don't seem to resent the gf. But, as time goes on, they will eventually learn the truth and should resent her. She is a homewrecker. They had what seemed to be a good marriage and the wife, to my knowledge, never gave her DH any reason to step out. This bartender is from the other side of the tracks, so I think the husband here could be her ticket to a better life. I'm so afraid she's already ttc.

Thanks for your advice and I will pass it along.

Dana

I am sure my children would attest to the fact that introducing the OW to them within a matter of weeks after deserting the family is horribly hurtful. Under the circumstances, it is highly unlikely your friend's husband's OW will ever have a good relationship with his children.

Well, my friend is doing her best to put the kids first. So, she is allowing them to like this woman and the kids are too sheltered and young to really know what happened.

There's no bad-mouthing going on, no hint of disliking the husband or the OW here, so the kids are free to like anyone and everyone. The child psych. is pleased and feels that my friend will leave the door open for her kids to speak freely about the rest of the adults in the mix in the future, esp if anyone mistreats them - they know mom won't flip out or anything.

I just feel badly and hope that these sleepovers will cease. It hasn't been a matter of weeks, more like months. To the kids, it probably seems like a lifetime ago when Daddy was home w/ them. Still, we all know what happened, so it's hard to stomach. Now they're playing a cute little couple while these three youngsters share a twin bed? I think it's sick. We are also worried that the DD of the husband will feel a little odd w/the OW's DD having more contact w/ her father than she does. The Ch. Psy. mentioned that she wouldn't be surprised if the couple's DD has some jealousy and other issues. It's just a mess. And for what? A little infatuation (hopefully a temporary one) is more important than your family?

When I saw him face to face at a soccer picnic, I had to speak. I said, "Hi there. How's it going?" His answer: "Great. I've never been better!" I wanted to slap him. The DD had been crying her eyes out and the son was acting out - guess that's better than ever in my book, too...

Anyway, this made me feel for all the women who were doing their best to run a household, raise the kids, and be a good wife who then lost their husbands to women who make a habit out of breaking up marriages. It's just disgusting. I can now see why some ex-wives here are hard on steps. But, not everyone fits the description of this one. I pray she's never wife #2...but do fear she's trying to conceive.

Dana