SS#2 (17 yo high school junior) is still in residential treatment halfway across the country. In conversations with DH, he has said he "just wants to come home." His doctors have told him he can't think about that, he needs to focus on the here and now, the substance abuse and self-injury issues. We are not exactly sure what son means when he says "home." And no one will ask him, and this is relevant because BioMom has said, on numerous occasions to DH, that son will not be returning to his high school, son will never live with her again because she wouldn't be able to handle another episode, and that he will go therapeutic boarding school. She has also said in a post counseling session with DH and son's therapist that son needs to be discouraged about "coming home."

Since we are paying the cost of residential treatment for son, we are not currently paying BioMom child support. She has been whining to DH how she has no money, she can't afford to keep the rental townhouse without CS (never mind she still gets post-remarriage maintenance that covers the cost of the rent), and that she wants to give up the lease and move back to DC to be with her husband. But then she says she doesn't want to give up the lease until "someone" tells her that son will never be living with her again here. And then she said her husband said maybe they should make room for son in their home in DC. This is the same stepdad that wanted reimbursement for some jackets BioMom had purchased for older son, since she was no longer receiving CS for him. I had to point out to her that no one receives CS for 20 yo son, who was living with us, and that if she bought him something, it's considered a gift. How long will stepdad want younger son, the one with all the issues, living with them when he is no longer eligible for CS in a year? I'm going to guess not long.

Anyway, over the weekend, BioMom called and said they were dropping off son's Jeep (the one we bought for him to use, but didn't let him take to BioMom's when he went to live with her following DUI arrest and staying out all night. DH had offered to sell car to BioMom for son to use, she refused but told son DH was giving him the car, and that's how son ended up with the car at BioMom's) as she "didn't have room for it" at her townhouse (with 2 car garage), and that she was dropping the insurance on it. And then she said to DH, "If son comes to live with me in DC, my husband will be getting a new car, so maybe you can buy husband's old car for son." I said to DH, "I hope you told her if son goes to live with her in DC and she is getting CS, SHE can buy son a car."

Also, why doesn't someone point out to her that son was under her care, with a drinking habit, a fresh Zoloft prescription, and a recent self-cutting episode, when she chose to leave him home alone, unsupervised, for the weekend to go off and be with her husband? Which, of course, lead to the most recent events, landing him in residential treatment. Does she really think she's gonna do a better job in DC?

I know that a big reason SS went to live with BioMom had to do with me. I was not tolerant of the bad behavior (coming home drunk, late for curfew), and he knew I was not happy with him. But I also think a lot of what drove his poor behavior was the fact that his BioMom had moved back, and he felt he had the latitude to act like a jerk, because he could always go live with BioMom (and have no rules or consequences). But since he has been away at treatment, he has consistently expressed that he really misses his little (half) brother, and even his (step)sisters. I haven't talked to him very much on the phone, as only his mother and father are allowed calls, so I only speak to him briefly if I answer the phone when he calls for DH. I have been sending him notes letting him know what's going on with his sibs here, funny stories about what they are doing, and he asked for family pictures of everyone, so I sent them. I think he misses our home and family, and my hope is that when it becomes apparent to him that his mom has no plans to live here with him, he will WANT to move back home with us, vs. moving to DC. Unless his therapists believe that a therapeutic boarding school is what he really needs, I think he would be better off here with us.