We were in the process of going for full custody. His 12 year old is actually the better behaved of the two youngest sons. His 10 year old has ODD and doesn't come to our house anymore because he doesn't want to and his mother doesn't make him. If DH goes to get him it's kicking and screaming and punching and the police will get called. We had SS10 in therapy for 8 months starting in January of last year. It took us 8 months to get him somewhat managable. I went into the hospital at the end of august to have our baby and we found out after he was born that he had 3 congenital heart defects. We stayed in the hospital with him for a month while he had open heart surgery. When we got back home, all the progress we had made with SS10 had gone out the window because of his mother. We couldn't afford to keep paying the lawyer to fight for full custody so DH just lets SS10 stay with his mom. SS12 doesn't give us any trouble at all to come over. He enjoys playing with my children and they get along for the most part. We were also told by SS10's previous psychiatrist that he was not to be left alone with the baby for ANY period of time because of his violent tendencies. The story goes deeper than this and our lawyer is pretty sure CPS will eventually get called and they will be taken away from her and will come to live with us. BM recently changed SS10 to a different psychiatrist than what we were bringing him to and I'm sure her story was "his dad doesn't want anything to do with him" which was her story for his other doctors until we started getting in touch with all of them and explaining what this woman is about and that's when they realized that they weren't being able to treat him correctly because they didn't have the right information on why he was acting out like this. We have recently gotten in touch with the new psychiatrist and got them a copy of the full psych evaluation that we had done on SS10 so they should be calling back soon to get any other info they may need from DH.

I wanted to thoroughly reply to your post so I broke it down, bit by bit. There are answers and even some free advice included. I hope I didn't use too many big words though, and that you fully understand all of it. ***** "My dad remarried about 4 years ago. My mom passed away 5 years ago." So? I assume his vows to your mom were "til death do us part" and he lived up to that. ***** "The problem is I and my husband dont care for her." So? You and your husband are not married to her, what's the problem? ***** "My dad moved her into our home that my mom shared with my dad." So? I assume it's HIS house now. ***** "He isnt my real father but he is my dad since I was 2 . my 2 brothers and my sister act nice to her in front of her face but they dont like the fact that my dad moved another woman into the home." So? He's been in your life a LONG time and it's his house now, right? Who cares if your siblings like it or not. At least they are being nice to her face. They were taught something at least. (even if they really don't like her) ***** "My dad has alot of photos of all of us being a family and alot of photos of my mom in the living room i heard my dad ask her if the pictures bothered her she said no not at all." So? Sounds like a nice person that respects and accepts his past life... doesn't want to erase it & pretend it never existed. Sounds very mature to me. ***** "I was waiting foe her to say that she didnt want them up i was going to go off on her. So, you are looking for a reason to start problems where there are none. Sounds awfully immature. ***** "I told her one time why dont you rent the place across the street." So, you actually did try to start problems with something that is none of your business. Nice. Sounds terribly immature. ***** "She wouldnt say anything" Because she is a mature adult & it was a childish statement. ***** "we dont want her taking away anything that belongs to us kids. its not hers." At this moment, everything belongs to her husband. If YOUR things are in the house, you should go get them. If you are talking about an inheritance, you are only entitled to what is left to you in a will from your mom or your dad. If your dad is the one that controls any inheritance, I might tread lightly on pissing him off by being a b!tch to his wife... he may decide to leave it all to her, and it's his right to if he chooses. ***** "even my husband has gone to her and told her alot of lies and we told her if she said anything to my dad we would deny it. that my dad would always take our side.." So, you are also involving your husband who has even less business caring what happens with your dad, his life, etc. And you are having him "test" her to see if she will tattle on you? What are you, in kindergarten? Really? And you are hoping to "test" dad's loyalty to you? Is this for real? So, not only are you and your husband being imature, you are both liars to boot. Nice. Your mom must be so proud. ***** "how can we get rid of her. shes a wimp" You can get rid of her by having your own life. If she calls you and wants to involve herself into YOUR life, tell you who you can marry & live with, where you can live, how you should live, etc.... then come back here & we will all be happy to give you some more free advice.

I am a stepmom to a beautiful 7 year old little girl and have been since she was 4 years old. I can literally count on my ten fingers the amount of times her biological mom has made visits since I have known her (more like on one hand). She moved out of state with her when she was four and kept her from my husband for almost a year until he took her to court about three times u tip he finally won sole custody of her and her was granted child support from bio mom. He was also to drive half way from New Mexico to Dallas Texas to have our little girl do OVER NIGHT visits once a month in Texas and two week visits over summer break. Like I said bio mom would constantly cancel visits saying she could not afford it even though we received absolutely no child support checks and when she did make visits she would often request for us to pick up the child early because she had plans with her boyfriend or she would state the child was out of control and she could not handle her. The last visit she had with my step daughter she kept her for a month and it was only supposed to be a two week visit. Also during that time my step daughter was sexually assaulted by step father and we took them to court and the mother called the child a liar and automatically took step fathers side. My husband and I have put her I counseling, pressed charges and done all that we can as loving parents. Charges were dropped due to lack of evidence and now mother is fighting to move child to Texas with her and husband (what a joke right). Keep in mind no child support has been paid and mother has not attempted contact in about a year and 5 months and before that would very rarely make phone calls. She was granted supervised visits which my daughter refuses to have and if she's forced she does not engage in contact AT ALL. She is terrified of these people but the system demands visits. Last time in court bio mom failed to appear because she put her husband as priority and said she could not make it and all visits were suspended. My step daughter is traumatized and terrified of these people. I wish she had a good bio mom but she doesn't and I have been the one to take This place without the official title. Is it hard? Heck yes you do all the work without the official title and have people constantly belittling you as just the "stepmom" but the title is earned not only because you give birth to a child it goes far beyond that. These children have real needs and it takes true responsibility to raise a child and meet their need and give them the love they deserve. I have experienced the feeling of not being recognized for all that I do as a step mom who has really taken on 100% responsibility but that's what being selfless is its doing these thing without expecting recognition from humans. When I married my husband I took on the responsibility of being a mommy whether full time or once a week. I love it and since we have had trouble having babies of our own I have truly been blessed with the opportunity to be a mommy before giving birth. God placed is in each others life and I cherish every moment. To all the step moms out there I know the feelings that go along with being a step parent but it's a huge role and God sees even when others don't. Keep being good mom mad and you shall be blessed. It's not the child's fault they deserve nothing but the best!!!

Hi dirtdivarocks! Thanks for your comment. And thanks for the question (I appreciate being challenged on my thinking/judgment). In response, and in fairness to him, I have to say that my original post did not tell the entire story. It told the story, basically, where it stood at the time. But, for the 10 months prior to his initial jobloss, he had a decent-paying job. So, he was providing for himself and for his child. He just hasn't done a very good job of picking himself from the hard times. I understand that rough times will come. I think most of us have experienced hardship/financial struggle at some point in time. What concerns me most is how one prepares for and/or responds to those rough times. This was a great opportunity for him to demonstrate to me that he's the type of guy who will do what it takes to provide for himself and his family. He didn't do so good of a job at rising to that challenge. One thing I did learn is that, in the future, I must pay attention to when a man doesn't seem to have that "get up and go" that I like. I think it is truly an innate quality that one either has . . . or does not. I agree with you - being with a man who cannot support his family is . . . a REALLY bad situation to put oneself in. It's even worse when he has a child. I thank God that I was able to finally cut it off.