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Sad and concerned

17 years ago

Hi, everyone. I wanted to see if anyone can give me some pointers on how to explain to my daughter that her stepdad wont be around anymore. She is only five. He made it clear that he only wanted to see our son, his bio. child. I am sad for me but crushed for her because she really loves him. :(

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Comments (10)

lovehadley
17 years ago
Oh. (((HUGS)))

How long have you been married? How long has he been in your DD's life?

I'm sorry. If he has been the consistent father figure in her life, and seeing as how you DO have a child, HER brother, together---he sounds like an @$$. :(

I would definitely get her into a counselor b/c I think this could potentially become a big abandoment issue. I think you need a professional to help you with this one.
geoedwards
Original Author
17 years ago
We hooked up when my daughter was about 15 months. We got married shortly after. My daughter's dad is hardly around and my husband, soon to be ex, has been the male figure in her life. My son is two years old. I feel horrible for my kids and how they are going to take everything. I thought that he was my knight in shining armor. We started having problems when he started his job a year ago that requires him to be away from home 4 days out of the week.
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mom2emall
17 years ago
Well you definately need some professional advice on how to deal with this one. I just have to say that your soon to be ex sounds like such an a$%!!!
ceph
17 years ago
I don't know... I've never been in those shoes.
But my heart goes out to you. I'm currently on another side of that sort of coin and it sucks.

I agree with Love and Mom2, a counselor could probably help you and DD rebuild your hearts. Do you have an EAP through your workplace or counseling through your insurance?
finedreams
17 years ago
little girl will need therapy (I am not sure if she is old enough?), i don't know how and what to explain. But you and she will need someone to help with it. so sorry...how sad...I worry that it would make her unwilling to let other people close to her...did he explain why he wants only see his son? what is the motivation? doesn't he have feelings for her?
geoedwards
Original Author
17 years ago
He says he loves her but he says that his main concern from now on is only our son... I thought that was very bogus of him and it killed the last of the love that I had for him. My children come first and always will. We had money problems from the get go but it got worse when he started making a lot more money than me. I work a 40 hour a week job and I care for the kids when he wasn't here. He said I needed to get a job that paid me more money or go to college...who is he to tell me what to do. These type of moves have to come from me not him. Any way to make the long story short, it was about money and now my precious babies were exposed to a jerk.
finedreams
17 years ago
you were working 40 hours a week but he was telling you to find a better paid job or go to college? what a moron. one thing is to encourage your partner to get education and support them in their accomplishments, the other thing is to tell them what to do. cheap jerk. you are better off. as about your girl, make sure you show her a lot of love and support and maybe talk to her pediatrician if there is any type of therapy for such young children. also if you have any other family, make sure she is involved with them. and keep her busy with activities.
dotz_gw
17 years ago
Geo, There is a group for children going thru what your DD is called Rainbows. Its for children grieving loss, thru death or divorce. There are chapters throughout the US and Canada.Maybe you can look it up in the phonebook or google your area to see if there is a chapter close to you..It helped my niece and nephew go thru the loss of their dad. Good luck..
doodleboo
17 years ago
How sad:( J and have discussed what would happen if we ever divorced as far as the girls are concerned and I chose to still be involved. We arn't planning on splitting but it's good to talk about these things.

The girls mom probably won't be alive much longer and it would be horrible for them to lose two "mama's". If (when) BM dies from her condition I plan to adopt them so I will have legal rights in the event something happens to J.

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I know you are so worried for your little ones heart:( Give her tons of love and I would totally look into the Rainbows group Dotz mentioned. I'm going to look into that also for the girls.

CHin up and love that little girl with all your might. She is too good for that man anyway.
geoedwards
Original Author
17 years ago
Thanks everyone for your encouraging words and advice!!! Daughter and I have an appointment with a therapist in early June. :)

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