1)--"while my boyfriend is amazing "-- a) --". My boyfriend (a child of teenage marriage himself) doesn't have an on the book job, no high school degree, no credit, barely a place to live except the days he stays with me 2)--"And they are quite capable as far as I can tell of being the best parents they can be, just not together"-- b)----"she and her parents (where she, the baby and her boyfriend live) have primary custody 3)--"He wants to move into a place with me."-- c)--"He wants to take the child away from her"-- 4)--"he says the less the better but his less is a little bit of bending the truth to avoid a fight without realizing that if she finds out all hell will break loose. Like not taking the baby out of nj without 24 hour notice but he wants to "just go to sesame place" (in the summer) and worry about how she feels about it later."-- d) you forgot to give me a quote for this one which should have read 'He has zero zip repsect for a CO, a judges ruling, and/or give a flying flick what anyone, including YOU think about it'. There, I tried to put reality for your situation as clear as day using your own words...I just left out all the mumbo jumbo sideline concerns you included. Do yourself a favor and stay clear of involving yourself anymore deeply into this sad situation. Date the guy if you feel you must, take Jr on fun afternoon outings (think of it no differently than if you were taking one of your nieces/nephews for a fun day), feed the child something simple off a menu where there is likely to be something kid friendly he'll enjoy...but do not let this guy move in and do not get attached to this child. This guy and the child's mother have a lot of growing up to do...there is not a stable happy future in it for you. And if the guy is serious about full miltary status, the guy will be not even around to deal with the mess he's trying so hard to create. You're a young, educated funcationing adult, have a big heart and a chance to find a real amazing man and a bright and happy future...don't settle for the first fish that swam by.

Sorry I was having a bad weekend, I didnt mean to lash out, Im just upset with the whole situation....I had no intention of harming his visitation, he has visitation set up already, he just hasnt had the chance to change it to have her come spend the summers with us for a little while. BM said to the law guardian that she wouldnt mind that, but then when I spoke to her she said that was never going to happen, that her daughter was never going to leave the state. I never said I wanted her to bring Abby to me, I want her father to see her, that's all. I do not EXPECT her to let me see Abby. I seriously was just trying to get along with her and she hurt my feelings with what she said so, I am Human, lashed out, it was a mistake and I cant take it back..... So anyway, he does have visitation, it jsut doesnt work since he isnt in the same state anymore. She also never told the courts she was moving, so when he was gone, they had a court date in the wrong county....Things have just been so tough, and I guess I just want to understand why BM is being this way. The relationship ended badly, I understand that, but it was her that cheated and gave up on him. and took his daughter away without saying why... I guess she knows thats the only way she can hurt him...and its working.....and in the process she is hurting me too. I just want to understand why she is not thinking of her daughter in all this.....Oh and about the phone calls, she doesnt have an answering machine, it just keeps ringing and ringing, and she will not give her cell phone number. Her house phone is private, and whenever she calls my husband, it is from a private number, and its not always from her home phone so she blocks her cell phoen number too, idk why, cause she gave him a fit about not having his cell phone number......Im really sorry for being a jerk on this forum... I just took it all as a personal insult and this is a very hard situation so it made me feel worse then I already felt.....I guess all I can do, is believe that God has a reason for this and that God has a plan that will work out in the end for all of us, including BM. All I care about is Abby and I just want her to know that her father and I love her very much, and Im scared of all the time we have been away from her that she will think that her father dosnt love her and he does. He donst like confrontation, like any guy, and when he ahs to fight just to talk to his daughter, it stresses him out a great deal. I know its not an excuse.... I just see what he has been through with all thsi and most of all he doesbnt want to see his daughter get hurt so he just doesnt bother calling cause he doesnt feel like fighting all the time. I just wish this whole situation was different...Things will eventually work out, just not when i want them too......

I'm sorry, thirteen years old is TOO old to still be holding his dad's hand and laying his head on his shoulder. Ewwww. There are so many problems with this relationship. - he babies his THIRTEEN year old son - his son is jealous of you - he pays for everything for his son when he already gives BM child support - he pays for BM's expenses - thinks he abandoned his family - he did not abandon his family but because he feels this way BM will use this to her advantage to squeeze more money out of him - because he feels guilty he will probably let his son get away with bad behavior - pays all this CS and BM does not support her child It's funny that your BF says he gives BM all this money because he had no reason to have money for himself or save, yet he can barely afford to pay his half of the bills. There is always a reason to save. He is giving BM all his money to his own detriment. What will he do if something unexpected were to happen to himself - car repair, medical bill? What is he saving for retirement? You are right this relationship will hold you back. You're young, you're 23, you have your whole life ahead of you. The only problem is you have fallen in love with him so you can't see that this relationship will not work. My story - I dated a man for two years that had a 8 year old son. Because he felt guilty that he didn't see his son every day, he spoiled him. His son was spoiled and treated like a little adult. BF even let him sleep in the bed with him! I was like this kid is TOO big to still be sleeping with you. This kid was always walking on the furniture and jumping on things. I told BF his son was TOO big to be doing that, but BF was like what's the big deal? Those couches are old anyway. Don't you know one time BF and I were laying bed watching TV, and his kid JUMPS into the bed, and lands right on my shin! I screamed because this kid was heavy and it really hurt when he landed on my leg. I told BF that was the reason why he needed to stop this kid from jumping on things all the time. Needless to say, BF continued to be a guilty/lazy parent. He would not make his son mind. I have two daughters of my own, and I made them listen. I disciplined them when they needed it. BF never wanted to discipline his son because he "didn't want to ruin the limited amount of time" they had together. As a result, his son was rude, spoiled, and never did what he was told. In addition, he too, struggled fiancially to pay his bills because of CS. He was very eager for me and my daughters to move in with him. He kept saying how wonderful it would be to have someone to share the bills with. I realized he was more interested in me helping him pay his bills than in sharing a life together. Eventually I broke up with BF. It was hard at first, because I loved BF so much, but as time went on, it got better. I realized I would not have been happy. And that's what you have to think about. Are you really happy in this relationship with the way things are? Sure, when the son's not around, things are probably great, but the real test of a relationship is not when things are good, it's when things are bad. And what if dad decides to get more time with his son? That's what happened to me. I never in a million years thought my BF would get more time with his son. His BM depended on CS too much, or so we thought. Don't you know one day she tells BF she is too busy with work and school to handle the son and lets BF have him. So BF went from every other weekend to his son to having him 24/7. I knew I could not handle dealing with his son on a daily basis. Sure, he didn't have to pay CS anymore, but getting full custody brought on a whole another set of problems. I was not ready to deal with a kid that I did not raise, that did not want to listen to me and that I could not discipline the way he needed to be. The way I dealt with the situation is I ended it. I know that's not what you want to hear, but now that I am able to look back I realize it was the right decision.

Hello all. Let me preface this with the fact that I 100% believe in taking responsibility for your actions. I told my BF the second this mess started that BM is the type of person who was waiting for him to mess up so that she could start some legal proceedings like this, and he made his bed so he very well has to lie in it. However, I know the BM very well and while you guys are on the outside, I'm very much on the inside and trust me, this woman (really, girl because of her emotional maturity) gives just as good as she gets. My BF pays child support, pays for his daughters medical insurance, feeds her, clothes her, makes sure she has every thing she could ever want. Trust me, he is NOT a deadbeat parent. BM has a history of losing her job, and not paying her bills. During their relationship, my BF paid her rent at one point when he wasn't even living in the apartment. In this case, she was fired from being a server because her personal life got in the way and she was rude to customers, and she needed the money so that she could avoid telling her mother she lost her job. My BF has gotten her out of a $200 traffic ticket because through his mothers business, he knows many of the police officers in his town. He always sent the baby home with extra diapers in her bag, just in case BM didn't have any. My BF and his mom do anything and everything they can to make sure the baby has everything she needs. In fact, BM rubs this in his face constantly. Example, my BF wanted to sign the baby up for a KinderMusic class. He said he'd pay for it no problem, and since two of the classes were during her time, he'd be more than willing to pick her up, take her, then bring her back. BM's response? "No, she can't take that class. You're just trying to rub your money in my face and make me look like a bad parent" Yeah...you REALLY care about your child. In my opinion, she does not put the child first because if she did, she wouldn't take that kind of experience away because of pride. But as lovehadley said, this is neither here nor there, I just really resent what imamommy implied because at 21 years old, my BF has done better than a lot of the 30-something year olds that I read about on this forum. Make no mistake, my BF will be paying for his actions. Were the messages nasty? Yes. Did he physically threaten her? No, he didn't. I think the worst one was "I wish you were dead for (baby's) sake." Very mean and things he's not proud of, but non-threatening. BM put exaggerated incidents from 3 years prior into this TRO, incidents that my BF has witnesses to defend himself with. If you felt so threatened, why did you continue a relationship and contact for so long? In short, this woman is a liar and manipulates people to her advantage. We live in the South with VERY conservative court systems, so she plays them to her advantage. In the state in which my BF lives, even an allegation of domestic violence or a request for a TRO by a woman is immediately given without any investigation whatsoever. BM once called the cops on my BF while he was at work. He got home and was about to be immediately arrested, no investigation or anything, and only when he was able to show his time slip was he released. In short, I don't agree with anything he said, but the system is messed up and she plays it exactly how she wants it. What has been decided now is that my BF is accepting an ex-parte order of protection against him for a year. However, he will be arguing this case and presenting witnesses to attest to this matter and the BMs insanity in family court where they know the judge and know he will be given a fair ear on which to make his case. More than anything, he just fears for his child. He doesn't put it past BM to pack up the baby in the middle of the night and just leave. I appreciate all of the feedback, but please everyone, know that I am a rational person who despite loving her BF, can recognize his faults and flaws and knows when he is wrong and when he needs to take responsibility for his actions. My main issue is that BM manipulates the situation to get what she wants, which I think is an unfair tainting of our court system.