While I am no legal expert I do not see how it would matter who has custody of the child, I would think that the MGM could petition for visitation whether your fdh or fmil had custody.

What does your fdh say about this?

And putting in for a change of address for the child but keeping custody? I am not understanding the point of all this??

As for you adopting the child, I would not suggest it. The child can think of you as a stepmom whether you adopt her or not. Not trying to sound negative or anything, but suppose you adopt her and you and fdh break-up. He could take you to court for child support then because you adopted her. It would be a mess for you!

I agree with mom2, adoption should be considered when there's more of a relationship and you want the legal responsibility as well as the legal rights to a child.

As for custody vs. visitation. I'm in CA and I believe only parents can get court ordered visitation. However, anyone can petition for custody, even non relatives. At least that is what my lawyer told us.

What I find most disturbing about your situation is that there is this child that has lost a mother from drugs, has a father that isn't really biologically related and doesn't know it, has a maternal grandma she doesn't know and lives with the father's (who really isn't the father) mom and someone is worried about losing their income if custody is changed to the people that are going to be taking care of her.

I worked in social services and there's a word for that, it's called FRAUD.

I thought she meant she would be robbing the child of $200 a month in death benefits from her mother.

A child would get death benefits whether their grandma or father had custody. Why would custody affect death benefits?

I am thinking that the grandma gets some kind of assistance for having custody of the grandchild and does not want to lose those benefits.

that was how it sounds to me. If she is talking about death benefits of $200 a month for the child, I would think that having an adopted mother that would likely spend more than that to support her would be more of a benefit to the child than $200 a month. and if she isn't talking about death benefits, she may be talking about social security disability benefits that the child may get for a custodian being disabled. Something just doesn't sound right here. Maybe I'm confused but I don't see why the father shouldn't have legal custody. If he has custody, he can also decide if the child visits the maternal grandma. OP only knows what she's been told by her FMIL. Perhaps the maternal grandma could be a nice person and FDH's mom just doesn't like her. OP and her FDH should find out for themselves if she might be a good or bad influence for the child. It's best for the child to have the most people that love them and if she is not a great influence, that doesn't necessarily mean she shouldn't have anything to do with the child. She can't be so bad if she was awarded visitation of her other grandchild. I think it's fishy that the child can go live with OP and her FDH but his mom retains legal custody so they still have no say in anything.

To be honest, since MGM is the only blood relative of FSD, I'm surprised she doesn't have custody of the girl already.

Yeah, I don't understand that either.

Umm well, as far as the social security thing goes. If it is survivor benefits then you can adopt her and she will still get the survivor benefits from her mother. I am absolutely certain that is accuarate because that is a question my DH and I had when we started to discuss him adopting my daughter. However, I am not sure that it is death benefits that we are talking about because 200.00 is about a third of what I get for my daugther. 200.00 sounds like the one time payment they give you when the person first passes but after that the child gets a pretty substantial check that you have to account for how the money is spent each year.
And, as I said before I think if FDH wants his daughter to come and live with you he needs to take the steps to make everything legal so he has custody of his daughter.... not continue to dance around the issue and let gma continue to make the rules... and I would talk to mgm myself and find out what kind of person she is on my own.

Me talking to MGM is a great idea! And yes, she is receiving death benefits from her mothers passing, and she will get $200 a month until she is 18. According to my MIL, that will stop if I adopt her, which I didn't think makes much sense.

it is not accurate and actually you can go to the social security website and I am pretty sure you can find the info in the FAQ section. But, I would check on the actual amount she is getting. Like I said, that amount doesnt seem right... I get three times that much for my dd and is has a cost of living fluctuation each year (usually higher)

But with SocSec if you don't pay in enough quarters (work enough before death) there are no survivor benefits ....my daughters fathers died when she was 18 months old and I never got a dime in SS for her... :(

Thats what I was told when I applied... I applied twice and both times declined.

Depending on how much the deceased party has paid in to SS is how much you receive from SS so if she only worked a couple years not enough "quarters".

I am not sure how it all works becaus I was pretty sure that was the deal as well and didnt really think I would get much of anything when DD's father died... I really only applied for it because my mom and his told me to... I figured since he was pretty young (22) and she was not yet two years old at the time that I wouldnt get much of anything but I get over 600.00 per month for her.

Cawfe, If the parent has a sufficient number or quarters OR is employed or on disability at time of death the child receives payment. Dont know how time of death is defined. Assume not that minute.

here is a link to social security website and it has all the answers. No need to argue or debate this.

Here is a link that might be useful: will a child lose survivors benefits if adopted?

Ima, that is kind of you to post that. I do suspect that some people look to obtain custody of children to get control of the SS payments. How terrible. I also know that the SS administration did request my mother to show how the money was spent. Considering all my siblings and I went to college, that was pretty easy to show.

Yes, you get form in the mail around about the same time your tax information comes in the mail. You have about thirty days to fill it out and send it back. You definately do have to account for how the money is spent and/or saved and in what accounts.

If not enough quarters but was(deceased person) working (paying in) when they died then there are benefits available .... daughters father did not have enough quarters and was fired from last job a month prior to his death .... so was not working and not enough quarters.

He was 21.

Wow, i just gav eyou advice about the phone issue. Even thought the biomom blocked the phone calls. cause that is what happen with me.
I'm really sorry to hear that her mom passed away. THis completely sheds more light on the situation for me.
My mother died when i was 10 going on 11 as well. Its a very hard time and yup i think this girl needs reassurance. Even if she is trying to start trouble . please have patience with her. I'm sure you do cause you sound like a great person ( you opened a school fund for her)
Do what is best for this child and the mil can stuff it. All this talk about losing money!!!! Do what is best for the child. Keep her close to her dad and to you and teach her well.