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mom_2_4_gw

SD Afraid - Suggestions?

mom_2_4
21 years ago

Hello all ... A few details which some of you may know already ...

My SD is 9, I've been married to her Dad for 6 years. SD's mother got PG and then married the father. (How stupid is an unplanned pregnancy at age 32 ... with a boy of 21! *snicker*!) ... Anyway, they have been married for 5 years. We share custody and part of our visitation occurs every other weekend. BM drops off SD at our house on Friday eve and we bring her back on Sunday nights at 6:00.

Here is the problem. BM's boy-hubby yells at SD and gives her a tremendously hard time if she doesn't arrive at 6:00 on the dot. Mind you, they are usually on time to drop her off at our home, but they have occasionally been as much as 30 minutes late. No big deal for us -- life happens, right? Besides, they live an hour away. We are finding lately that even if we have pre-arranged with BM to bring her home later due to a special occasion, BM's boy-toy still yells at SD.

Anyway ... it's gotten so bad that starting early in the afternoon SD will start asking us what time it is and reminding us that we have to leave by a certain time. Yesterday we all went to dinner before dropping her off and she was antsy and nervous the whole time, worrying that he would yell at her if we were a few minutes late. She even got weepy at one point.

We explained to her that we would (AGAIN!!) talk to her mother about this issue, that any problems such as this should not be taken out on her, that her mother and her husband should talk to US if he has a problem and not yell at HER. She's obviously afraid of this guy and his wrath. We were about 20 minutes late because it was necessary to talk to SD about this. Too bad, boy wonder!

Needless to say, BM got very defensive and tried to make excuses. We consider it pretty darned immature and spineless to yell at a kid for something they can't control. We told SD that we would call her today to see if he did yell at her last night, and if he did we will address this with BM again tonight.

While I'm complaining -- and to give you an idea of the idiocy I'm dealing with -- BM insists that SD call her husband Daddy. BM gets mad at SD if she doesn't do it. I feel that BM is living a fantasy and wants so very badly for them to have the appearance of happy family -- that she's willing to do just about anything. We've talked to BM about this also, but she persists in forcing her child call this tyrant Daddy.

Yep, sometimes I just wanna slap this woman silly!

Any thoughts and suggestions?

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