Stepmoms and Weddings
LongTimeStep
10 years ago
Featured Answer
Comments (30)
sylviatexas1
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVivian Kaufman
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Introducing a Stepmom or Stepdad
Comments (105)ummm let us back up here. First, I did say that I hate the word stepmom or step whatever... but I DID NOT say that I told the kids that they couldnt call me step mom. FYI They call me L_. And, if you reread my post I am the one that told the kids not to call me mom and to respect BM's feelings. My point, obviously completely missed by you, was that I dislike the word because of how people view steps in general.... I thought the reference to Cinderella made that quite clear. BM and myself are from the same area... south but not THE south. The whole Ms. thing was just a way for her to create a seperation between myself and the kids... like when the kids were asking how my aunts and uncles became my aunts and uncles. I told them that they were brothers and sisters of my dad. They were confused because BM and DH had a family friend that the kids called Aunt and Uncle. I told them that they werent really their Aunt and Unlce that they were a really close family friend and so they called them Aunt and Uncle. Bm chose to tell the kids that I have no idea what I was talking about and knew nothing about her family. Not her family, infact friends with DH before he even met BM...but whatever... those were rocky years. She would get angry with the kids and demand that they say Ms._ It got to be ridiculous after a while... especially when she was making this demand the one or two times a month she was seeing the kids at the time. The kids would get confused and not know what to say. So, it was time to squash it. The Ms. before addressing an adult was always DH's rule for the kids when talking to someone outside of family, it was a way of her digging in a thorn....See MoreStepmom not invited to stepson's Phd graduation
Comments (17)Happy endings are always nice! It turned out that SS29 did not know that the University sent out invitations to his graduation. His father phoned him saying that I was very hurt that my name was not on the invitation. SS29 phoned me the same day and apologized for the mistake. That meant alot to me. He asked me to come out and see him graduate. Surprisingly, even with only 11 days notice we were able to book flights from Milwaukee to San Francisco for only $182 round trip! My husband and I both attended, we had a wonderful visit. We were able to take SS29 and his family out for a nice dinner while we were there, and had time to attend all of the festivities on campus, and then had to fly back home to be back at work Monday morning. It was a very short visit. I am so glad that I went, and shared this moment with the family. It was awesome to see SS29 being hooded at the Phd ceremony. We got it on video. He tried to give us a tour of his laboratory, but I didn't understand anything. I'm a registered nurse, and I have had college level chemistry, microbiology, etc and it was still all way over my head! Again, happy endings are nice....See MoreRole of Stepmom
Comments (5)I often wonder what my role will be in my SDs big days as our relationships have come a long way, but often I think I'm more thought of for monetary contributions. Sit w/ DH and ask what to expect. If he doesn't know, he should find out pronto. Are your children her half-siblings? And their ages are? Does she have any other siblings and are they included? I'd think it would be terrible if your kids are also her blood and aren't included (or younger and won't understand the whole dynamics), but again, it's the bride's day and if it looks like a whole lot of frustration for your side, maybe skip it and do something great w/ your own kids, assuming that your absence won't be torn apart and viewed as a slight to the bride or your DH. Find out what you can find out. Do you speak w/ the SD? If so, maybe inquire if there's anything in particular she'd like you to do (like not come, lol) and take it from there. If you aren't on great terms, elect to sit this one out or expect to view it from afar. DH is in a tough position here, though. As much as it will annoy you, he's got a pretty big obligation to his DD on this day. I'm setting myself up for a similar post in a few years... Good luck, Dana...See MoreStep-Moms and Bio-Moms / Broken Dreams
Comments (85)My parents were married for 25 yrs when they divorced. Their marriage didn't come first at all. I don't know that even us kids came first...LOL. My mother has not re-married, but my father has. I have been on both sides of the fence with step-families. I was an adult when my father remarried. I have taken my approach with my SS's from what I have learned as a child of divorce, and from the mistakes his wife has made. 1. The marriage to my DH is of equal importance as his children. 2. The children need one on one time with their father regardless of how good our relationship is as a family. Whether intact or not, children need one on one time with each parent. 3. If anything were to happen to my DH, the chilren will recieve all monies from his life insurance policy, any items of his that they want, etc. It has been made clear to me and my siblings that we are not welcome to a personal relationship with our father. We are allowed to have one with him AND his wife (which is fine, but sometimes you need one on one with your parents) When I got married the first time, my father was dating his now wife. He brought her to my wedding. That was the first time I met her. They had come from out of state (about 1,000 miles) to our wedding. I welcomed her openly. She was awful. Very rude to my brothers, my mother, and disrespectful to my grandparents. She made it clear that she didn't feel that I was old enough to get married, and that she would never allow her daughter (same age as me) to get married. (I was young...21) Six months later, her daughter married a meth addict. Nice.... Anyway, over the years she's pulled some pretty crazy stuff. Alienating one of my brothers totally, and pi$$ing of the rest of us. Here's the thing. I still invite her to all family functions becuase she's my fathers wife. I remarried a while back, and she was invited to the wedding, and she sat with my in-laws, etc. I would never dream of treating her with any disrespect. I don't have to like what she does, but she is my father's wife, and that is the choice he made. My relationship with my father isn't what it use to be, and that's pretty sad, but that is his choice. I love him regardless. So, understanding both side of things, my goal is to foster a positive, fulfulling relationship between my DH and SS's. They all deserve it. What's funny, is that my DH would never allow me (or anyone else for that matter) to come between him and his kids. Nor would he allow my SS's to be disrespectful to me. I've been lucky, my SS's are very good to me. I don't know what I'd do if they weren't. I know I'd be crushed. I just don't think it's ever OK to exclude a bio OR step parent. When my SS had his 12th b-day party, he was mad at his mother still (he had moved in with us a yr before)and I told him "you invite your Mom, or no party...period". He got the message. We're teaching him tolerance. It can go a long way, just like manners....See MoreLongTimeStep
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agocolleenoz
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agosteppschild
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoAmber3902
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agodotz_gw
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoemma
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agodotz_gw
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoLongTimeStep
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agodaisyinga
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agomudhoney
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agogellchom
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoKaren10125
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agokkny
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agonorcalgirl78
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoMom-of-all-trades
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoMaffei
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoemma
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoamyfiddler
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoMom-of-all-trades
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoSouthern Summer
8 years agocolleenoz
8 years agoSouthern Summer
8 years agoKaren Peltier
8 years agoSouthern Summer
8 years agoUser
8 years agoSouthern Summer
8 years agoUser
8 years ago
Related Stories
The Unofficial Houzz Academy Awards for Movie Homes
Grab a front-row seat as we hand out honors to superb homes featured in 10 flicks. The envelope, please ...
Full StoryLIFE8 Ways to Make an Extra-Full Nest Work Happily
If multiple generations or extended family shares your home, these strategies can help you keep the peace
Full StoryMOST POPULARThe Not Naturally Organized Parent's Guide to the Holidays
This year get real about what you can and cannot handle, and remember the joys of spending time with the ones you love
Full StoryMOST POPULAR4 Obstacles to Decluttering — and How to Beat Them
Letting go can be hard, but it puts you more in control of your home's stuff and style. See if any of these notions are holding you back
Full StorySponsored
More Discussions
Karen Peltier