SS is talking about moving in!

17 years ago

The last 2 times my stepsons have been over the youngest one has mentioned that he wishes he could live here. He is 12 and the oldest one is 13. My DH and I have a daughter together that is 6. We currently live 45 minutes away from the boys' BM. We have had our ups and downs through the last 7 years. Of course the first few were horrible and then finally the last few months they have calmed down. I think only because she is running out of things to call and gripe about. She doesn't work and pretty much lives off of the $1200 a month child support with her new hubby as an electrician. She bought a new house a few months ago because she said she needed a bigger house because the boys are getting bigger. Yet, they are sharing a room. Let's just say I know her house payment is bigger than the child support. She runs her house like a boot camp. The youngest SS got grounded for a week because he left his medicine on the counter. And, he had to write a 2 page paper about responsibility for her.

I know that he wants to be here because we are more laid back and we let them be boys. We still have rules over here but if he were to live here there would be more rules. I'm not quite sure on how to handle this situation. He would have to switch schools and I know she would freak out because of the child support getting lowered. I think that if he came, his brother would too. I'm not sure if I could handle that kind of stress having them here. My DH works a lot of hours and doesn't even get home until after 7 most nights. Does any one know what age a child can ask to switch houses in Kansas?

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Comments (4)

kkny
17 years ago
Are you absolutely certain you know what isgoing on in BM's house? Even the nicest of children have been known to exagerate (if not fib)?

While what you are talking about sounds like harsh to me, I do not know what lead up to it. She will likely paint a picture to the judge that the rules in your house are too loose.

What do you mean by you had your ups and downs the first few years?
harmar
Original Author
17 years ago
What I mean about having our ups and downs the first few years are...she accused me of being the reason for the divorce even though I met him a month before the divorce was final. It wasn't until 2 years later that she finally spoke to me. This woman has been on 3 different types of anti-depressants, at the same time. She has talked bad about me, my husband, and our daughter to anyone that will listen in front of the boys including to her former pastor. About 3 years ago her and I actually became friendly to each other. We had breakfast together one morning with all the kids and even had all the kids picture taken with Santa that Christmas. I couldn't deal with being friends with her because it was too wierd. We eventually stopped talking and she took it personal. Right now it's almost like we are on a "need to know basis." We only talk to each other when we absolutely need to.

Yes, I know a lot about what goes on in her house. When the oldest SS was about 8 he had a sleep over at a friends house. He ended up taking his friends gameboy. He knew better and he lied about it when she asked if he had taken it. When she found it she flipped out. She called the cops and told them the story and that she wanted them to "take it all the way." They ended up coming to her house, put him in handcuffs and took him to jail at the station. They told her she could pick him up in 15 minutes. They also told his little brother that he would never see him again because they were taking him to jail. This all came from her mouth. Yes, I believe in punishing to fit the crime but to send an 8 year old to jail is a little too much. I think the cops should have come to the house and talked to him but not have gone that far and she let it. To me that's borderline child abuse. Of course I could go on but you get the picture.
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jessegirl
17 years ago
Hi Harmar;

I would give this very careful consideration. The BM sounds like a headcase, and I'll bet that she'll freak out just to lose custody pf one of her sons. Also, you'd be talking about splitting up the kids too (at least that is what I gather). Be very cautious. I have been through this myself, and my DH and I have one, and the BM has one. It is very difficult. The boys constantly vie for their parents affections/loyalty. I would stay as far away from this as possible unless you're sure that you can handle it mentally. The phone calls, emails, harassment from the ex..you get the idea. However, if you think that he is being abused, then he should come live with you without question. Just be prepared.
My SS was removed from his mother's house by CPS because she was abusing him. The other son stayed. It has been a nightmare to say the least. The boys are being raised in very different environments, and it's very stressful to all involved. I could go on, but I think you get the idea. Also, if your DH is working a lot of hours, guess who will be having to deal with SS? That's right, you. Even if he comes to live with you for all the right reasons, it will be an adjustment, and that can take time and a lot of patience. Make sure that you're up to the task.
bunglogrl
17 years ago
Harmar my SS or SD would sometimes ask to move in with us. DH would remind biomom that he would not send her any financial support if they each had one kid. They'd always *change their minds* after that.

SS is talking about moving in!

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kkny

harmar
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SS is talking about moving in!

Comments (4)

kkny

harmarOriginal Author

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harmar
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