Well a court seems to see fit for your ex to have visitation with your kids so I do not think that his gf would listen to your warning. It will just irritate him and she will think your just an ex still not over him and trying to break up his relationships. Your better off staying out of it. If he is the way you say she will see it eventually. Your priority needs to be you and your kids.

will these matters not be addressed with the courts? Do you have concrete proof you can offer? If so I would think he would have limited contact with your kids. One would hope the new girlfriend would read into this a bit. Divorce records are public record . . .

If he had child porn (as opposed to adult porn) on his computer, then it would definitely be something that MUST be brought up. How is it going to be 'making trouble' for you in court? If you found it and reported it to the authorities, there should be evidence such as a report or an officer that can substantiate what you say you found. I wouldn't accuse him of being a child molester or demand he can't see his kids, but I would tell the court... here's what I found... here's my concern... then let the court decide. As long as it's on the record, then if he ever does anything to a child (yours, hers or anyone else), you will have at least done what you can. If you say nothing and something happens to a child, you will never know if saying something would have prevented it. As for the new GF, she's not likely to believe anything you tell her. If it's brought up in court, he can't hide it from her, like Martha said, it's public record.

I wouldn't discourage her from seeing him...I would just tell her to keep her daughter away from him. And try to be really calm when you tell her so she doesn't think you're trying to get him back. It should at the very least put the thought in her head to be careful around him. What an awful situation.

Ima, thats true, if she had any evidence. If she merely made the accusation, without any evidence, and the police felt there was no justification for searching, then it COULD cause her problems in court. Unfortunately, some people make false accusations of abuse during divorce proceedings, and the courts are skeptical, at best, about allegations brought for the first time during a divorce. She probably should have taken the computer to the police when she discovered it.

I agree, the new girlfriend isnt going to believe her even if she tells her. But I am not sure that raising allegations in court, without any evidence at all, wont backfire on her and result in her stbx having even more time alone with the kids, because the judge may feel she is being uncooperative.

Its a tough call. Damned if you do...

Maybe if name was

DavesEXwife....

I might take the post a little more seriously.

Cawfe, I assume posts here are legit, unless obviously not. This poor girl is divorced 2 months (actually I am not certain she doesnt mean seperated, when she says divorce not settled), and X had child porn. Cant you show her any sympathy? Guess not.

Where I live the FBI has gotten involved in child porn. It is an offense just to have it on your computer. I dont know if too late to report (but my guess is the guy hasnt stopped). I would try FBI. I would focus on dealing with him first.

Sympathy????? are you serious???? I didn't think you even had that word in your vocabulary.

Sorry OP ...your post could be truth but going with it has flaws.

Let's pick it apart:

Divorced she says but then says its not final

New GF of 2 months ...was she TOW??

Wife sounds bitter and pulling at strings.... they investigated found nothing substantial.

She left because of abuse ... first thing most people do when they "break up" is get rid of anything associated with the person... ie. screennames like joeschmoeswife

If he is abusing their children ... why did the courts allow him visitation?

Added problem of mentally unstable again ... why did the courts allow him visitation?

Cawfe, because these things can be difficult to prove. If she didnt find the child porn on the computer until after they no longer lived togethor, it may not be easy to get police to do anything. Looking after 4 kids, she may not find it easy to get time to pursue.

OP, please do not get upset with comments like Cawfees. She will take word of any SM, but assumes moms act out of bitterness. I dont see bitternes here, I see fear.

Well when the 4 kids are in the abusive and mentally unstable husbands care ... she could investigate it further and call the woman and tell her all the info she found. Because I am sure The Other Woman is going to be very receptive of a phone call from her BF's wife on what a dirtbag he is.

POSTS written by SM ... attacked by kkny
POSTS written by BM ...supported by kkny

I don't ASS-U-me BM's are bitter... I call it like I see it.

What did she say that makes you think she is bitter???

Child porn is detestable beyond anything.

But, having said that, I too find this post a little odd. First Daveswife just joined the gardenweb yesterday and yet she chooses that nic. Seems odd to me. Plus it would seem if you are really afraid, you wouldn't want any part of a recognizable name on the internet.

How did you find this child porn? Did he leave his computer at your house, or did you go into his house after you were split up and get on his computer? Is it on his hard drive? Any time tags and sites that can be traced to his IP address?

If he really is abusive to children and really does have child porn on his computer call in the authorities and have him put behind bars. How is that going to interfere with your divorce?

Marital status can be terminated without settling all other issues. If there is an ongoing battle, then adding allegations of child porn would be problematic. But, I would think that the moment I found it, I would have had his butt back in court with concerns over my kids. But, she's only voicing a concern over his new GF's kid? That doesn't make sense to me. Do you think his GF's daughter is in danger? What about your own children? Pedophiles (if he is one) abuse their own children too.

As for evidence, if you brought it up now in court, and have at least evidence that you made a police report or notified the police several weeks or months ago (when it was first discovered), it would be evidence that it's not a new allegation, but that the police didn't have enough evidence to prosecute but you still have concerns. If the date the police were notified, coordinates with other legal problems, then it could look like retaliation of some sort. It just depends on the situation.

I don't think it's so far fetched that a newly divorced person, who's ex has already gotten together with someone new, might be bitter and jealous. That IS a possibility, but not the only one. However, KKNY I don't see fear if she is only worried about telling his new GF out of concern for her daughter. If she were asking how to keep him away from her own kids, then I'd agree with you on that. (not to mention the comments from her own kids about daddy getting GF pregnant... those are fairly inappropriate comments for children. Why is that being discussed? It's a bit disturbing.)

"What did she say that makes you think she is bitter???"

First, the title of the post is "should i tell new gf about abuse", not "What do I do about my exH that watches child porn and we have four kids."

Second, the first line is "I have been divorced for 2 months" and the second line is "He has a new girlfriend". Well, I'm a woman (not just a step mom) and if my husband that I have four kids with, finds a new GF just two months after the divorce, I'm not going to be peachy about it. It doesn't even matter who initiated the divorce or why they got divorced. The ending of a marriage is usually an emotional thing, especially for women. How did you feel about it when your husband left? and you only have one child. Two months after your divorce, would you have been worried about his new GF's child? (if she had one?) and not mention concerns for your own child?

Third, she says "I was going to leave it alone, and hope she figured it out, but she has started staying over, and he has our children saying things like when dad gets her pregnant, we will have a half bro or sis." That sounds more like a plan to retaliate or she thinks things are moving too quickly with him and his new GF (which is none of her business) and if she was going to leave it alone, it must not have been much of a concern.

Fourth, she says "he can become violent and isnt mentally stable", yet her kids still go visit and come back saying "when dad gets her pregnant, we will have a half bro or sis." Why are the kids visiting a violent and mentally unstable parent without being supervised or at the very least, have these things been brought up in court? If not, then there are more holes in the original post than swiss cheese. Sorry, but I too, call it like I see it.

And I'd love to have sympathy for a parent that discovers her children's father is into child porn, but she doesn't seem to have done anything about the porn, violence or mental instability, so how can you sympathize with it? I tried, but it's not happening. Sorry.

Apparently she has tried to report the porn to the sheriff. Maybe she isnt savy with dealing with legal system.

See I am not the only one....

Oh thats right ... we SM's stick together like glue.

KKNY did you post this ... to show how mean and rotten SM's are? and that we blame all BM's for our/their troubles?

Get DCFS involved to make sure that your children are safe. If the new GF sees that happening she will know something is up with out you having to tell her anything.

I am going to assume that everything that was said was true and if that is the case there are a few bigger issues that I would contend with WAY before I worry about his new gf and her kid.

The first one being my ex having ANY contact that is not completely supervised with my children. If I left my husband boyfriend or whoever because they abused my child or because I found child porn ... hell would freeze over before my child was in his care alone and he was walking free on the streets. Child porn is not something that is taken lightly by almost anyone. I can't imagine a reason why the sheriff would say there isnt sufficient evidence to get a search warrant. (well I can imagine a few reasons but I would not give up until someone found a way to find the evidance if for no other reason than because the child that was being used for the child porn deserves it and my conscience would demand it) Ofcourse, I would have carried the entire computer to the sheriff's office if need be or called the police to my home while still living there to make sure that I could invite them in to look around. And I would call and/or employ every lawyer child protection agency heck anyone who would listen or could provide help to make sure that my kids were not in his care for any amount of time.

But, to answer your question... I would feel the need (once my kids were out of harms way) to at least say in a calm non confrotational way ... "I know you have no reason to believe an ex wife and I know you hear all the time about ex wives accusing ex husbands of all kinds of things in court. But, this is not court... and I could not live with myself if I didn't at least warn you that the reason why I left was because he was abusing our children and to add to my worry and need to leave to protect my children I found child porn on his computer. I am a mother and from one mother to another I want you to be aware of who he is and what your daughter could be exposed to. This is not a desperate move to get revenge or get him back or whatever. This is honest concern for another child's well being. Do whatever you feel is right with this information. I know I would want someone to tell me if I were in your shoes before something terrible happened."

And I sincerely hope that if all of this post is true and this is honest concern and not a desperate attempt at revenge that you do do everything in your power to get your kids away from him.

yet, KKNY asked a question... I answered it... and all she has to say is "Apparently she has tried to report the porn to the sheriff. Maybe she isnt savy with dealing with legal system."

No comment on the entirety of her post??? Where is the concern for her own kids?? what about answering the question on how you felt two months after your divorce??? Nothing????

No one can determine your motives for wanting to tell the GF better than you. I think you need to search deep within yourself and see if you really want to tell her this because you are concerned or because you have a problem with with exH's new relationship.

Maybe her children are older and know how to stay out of harms way. I would hope anyone who knows my child might come in contact with a potential pedofile would tell me.

Older or not ... there is no way my kids would be anywhere near him. I dont care what I would have to do to make that happen. And I agree that I would definately want someone to tell me if my child was in contact with a potential or actual pedofile. Although, to be fair if it was coming from an ex wife/ex girlfriend/ex anything that would make me suspicous to the persons motives, I wouldnt exactly take her at face value but I damn sure would do a whole lot of investigating and research before I had my kids around him. You just can not be to careful with these types of things. It was a while before my Dh was with my daughter alone back when we were dating (just in case) I think the thing that ended up easing my mind the most was seeing him with his own kids... that and getting to know him... but you get where I am going here.

At the risk of sounding creepy, I might suggest contacting the GF's child's other parent. Of course, that can cause more, bigger problems if it's not true. Anything like this, coming from a recent ex wife is going to be taken as suspect.