I would guess that the little girl knows more than she's been told. Kids have a knack for figuring those things out. She's giving her approval by telling you both she'd like you as a mom.

It's been four years and everyone grieves at their own pace. It's not fair to you for him to string you along at his pace, but then again, you can't tell him to just get over it. If he hasn't gotten counseling, it would probably be a good idea. Parenting out of guilt is not good for him or his child, he needs to get help for that if that's what he's doing. I don't think that after a year, it's too soon for his daughter to know you are his girlfriend (she's probably figured that out already) but for some reason, he doesn't want her to know. He is dragging out telling her and I'm not quite sure why you would tolerate a relationship under his (in my opinion) restrictive conditions. How can you have a relationship with no 'alone' time and only see each other one night a week?

Does he introduce you to others as his GF??? or are you really just a companion in his eyes?

I could be wrong but I am thinking he sees you as his friend and you are "thinking" he is your BF.

doesn't sound like it has anything to do with his child but with him:

If you've been called "friend" for 13 months...
you're a friend.

I'm sorry.

Is there perhaps some guilt on his part that he has GF after his wife passed? Maybe if you are a GF without actually putting the title on it he feels better? It does sound a lot less about his DD and a lot more about him.

Ask your BF what he thinks. maybe he can explain what is his agenda.

It could be that he deliberatelly takes things slow (not always a bad idea), it could be that he is afraid to hurt his DD, it could be that he really does not see you as a GF.

I don't think, it is always such a bad idea to take things slow. he might not have any bad agenda at all, he might not see things the way you do. he might be more conservative, he might have no expereince with dating etc Bunch of explanations.

I used to refer to my BF: "my friend" until he actually pointed it out to me. I honestly didn't realize that it was bothersome to him.

talk to your BF. You might not get the answer you expect, but at least you will know wher you stand. Don't make coonclusions based on your assumptions.

Well....frankly I think people of a certain age, and if you have grown sons in their 20s you are definitly of a certain age, ought to be calling each other boy friend and girl friend. Seems childish and tacky to me.
My last "relationship" I told him that if he ever introduced me as his "girl friend" he was dead in the water!! He asked how should I introduce you? I told him I have a name, that's fine!
His daughter knows what your relationship is...
What do you want himn to do? Tell his daughter that "R is my girlfriend"....she already knows that.
Don't sweat the small stuff....be glad you have found a man with strong responsibilities to his daughter...and even if she calls you GF you shouldn't be sleeping together with her in the house. That's teaching her that girl friends and boy friends sleep together....and I don't think you want that.
Linda C

I agree with Lindac. You are obviously not someone very young, and it would make many people uncomfortable to describe a woman in her forties as girlfriend. Perhaps your "
boyfriend"
doesnt know what to call you. you have only been serious three months, so you arent quite SO status yet, but girlfriend is for kids. Your friend is also taking his time because he has kids involved, and thats a good thing.

I hope I never get too old to be a girlfriend.

OP met with resentment when she asked for more than one evening/night a week, & her...friend? boyfriend? problematic male?...schedules all the rest of his free time with his daughter.

OP may be a "friend with benefits", but she isn't a girlfriend.

First, thanks to you for responding to my question. The word gf is not that important, it's just that his daughter thinks we are just friends (we don't even sit together around her).

How long should be be seriously dating (he and she have known me for 13 months) before he let's her know that we are dating?

Thanks again!

unless I am married or offically cohabitate I do not stay overnight in neither DD's nor anybody else's presence. I don't find it appropriate. What do you exactly want his daughter to know? that you two are intimate? Why do you want her to know that? she knows you spend time together, it is more than enough at this point.

I totally agree with lindac. Unless you share a house, why do you want to spend nights together in child's presence?

She knows you are dating. You spend time together, it is dating. Go out, do things together etc

you dont even sit together around her?? Even friends sit together... friends also share hugs and have been known to at least kiss each other on the cheek or even lips with really long friendships. I don't think Bf is ready for a relationship if he isn't even ready for you two to sit together when his daughter is near even if it is "as friends" where his daughter is concerned.

Still, I would think that you two have progressed at a reasonable rate and that she should know that you two are at least dating...