How does someone make a "mistake" about when their child has a week long break from school? Are not all of her kids in the same school district? And I find it strange that she would be okay with her daughter missing a whole week of school. That would put her so far behind at school, depending on what grade she is in. In the jr. high math class I teach a week is a lot to miss! Children who miss a few days sometimes take a little while to catch up, a week would be even harder!

As for her behavior with you guys, sometimes kids do act differently for different people. For instance, my ss is a whiney monster for my dh. For me he is an angel while my dh is at work! My dh is improving, but is not consistant in his actions with ss so ss is able to walk all over him in the past. And there have been many kids that I have babysat that were angels, but their parents tell me how awful they can be at home.

Maybe that is bm's problem with sd. If she is not consistant with rules and actions then dd will not be consistant in good behavior. Or maybe your just on the "honeymoon phase" with sd and by the end of the week you will see the side bm complains of.

Some children behaive better outside the home. Where they are less secure of their environment, they are more cautious. I think children can sense a lot more than some people give them credit for. Where they feel loved, they are less cautios.

Of course KKNY would say "Where they feel loved, they are less cautios" to imply that sd does not feel loved in you and dh's home so she behaves! Pay no attention to that comment. The longer you are on here the more you will see the biased attitude some people on here have against stepmoms!

yes, and let's not forget, SD is NOT outside the home, she's at her OTHER home.

I wonder if KKNY feels loved on here, she doesn't seem too cautious about what she says.

It has always been this way with my SD - great manners, respectful, few problems. On visitations with her mom she is apparently a totally different girl - so much that mom and her new husband actually came to us asking how to pattern their home like ours so SD would act there as she does here.
I think a lot of it has to do with how you treat the child. We treat her how we expect to be treated. If we say we will do something we do, and we expect the same from her. We also have clear, consistant expectations and a pretty *boring* life. Things with mom have always leaned toward chaotic, and she has no confidence in her mom's follow through. Thus when she says 'stop or you are grounded' SD doesn't stop as she knows she won't be grounded. She also knows if mom says Mary can spend the night Friday not to tell Mary until Thursday and mom will likely change her mind.

This has nothing to do with more/less love. My SD is actually at an age where she understands that we are showing her love by our consistancy and normalicy. It's not caution, it's faith. When kids feeled loved, it is likely they also feel secure.

Ima you made me smile with your funny! I guess according to kkny's theories that she must feel very loved on here since she has no problem saying such rude things.

There is also the factor that different people have different stress levels that they can handle. Some parents are just not calm laid back people, and see anything, any minor infraction at all by the child as absolutely horrible.

In our case, my SK;s act like perfectly normal children, imo, when they are here. We dont have any real trouble with them. If you talk to their mom and stepdad, you will hear that the girl is impossible, disobedient, and refuses to listen. That has not been our experience with her at all, but, because her mom and stepdad have very very rigid standards, and compare my stepdaughter to her very quiet obedient stepsisters, they feel she is difficult.

Her mom is also the kind of person that falls to pieces at any problem. Mom will blow up at the grocery checkout, or freak out crying if she has a minor problem with her employer. She is very intense emotionally.

Different homes. Different rules. Different stress levels. What one person sees as bad behaviour isnt necessarily bad to another. And, kids tend to live up to expectations. If they are told they are bad...

The comment about being laid back eases children is especially true for me and DH. Everybody tells us how our son is 'the best baby' 'so well behaved' 'so happy and smiley' and I think that is all because we are very laid back. I am thinking that SD is picking up on that and is acting much like her brother.

I had a small talk with SD last night about going to sleep and how we really wanted her to try to stay in bed. I explained that I know it can be scary in a different place but that if any bad things were in there they would have already gotten her brother (they share a room right now while we are in a small home). Then she said how she misses her baby sister and her mom, so I told her that it is ok to miss them and they miss her too. She ended up going to bed, never once got out of bed and had a deeper sleep than the other two nights.

so Dh is blowing off missing school as 'not a big deal'. I dont think he realizes that kindergarden has changed since we were in that grade and they actually learn stuff there now instead of just playing. I am helping her read some of her brother's baby books to try to make up for the loss but I really wish she was in school :\

Aside from all of that, my general opinion of a couple of the BM's on here is that they are internet trolls (troll meaning they scour the forums looking for someone to beat up on) that never really or at least rarely have anything constructive to say. You get those types everywhere so I just ignore them. :)
She is in kindergarden

I can't imagine being so unaware of what is going on that I not only made plans but carried out those plans completely unaware that it was the wrong date especially with three kids going to the same school. That's just loopy to me to say the least.

Oh me too mom. Can't imagine how a responsible parent wouldn't know that. But then we should be gracious....look at kkny, lots of things she doesn't either! Like for example some stepmothers ARE just more responsible, nurturing, caring parents than some mothers.