FWIW, it may be considered by some to be slightly unethical, but a freestanding kitchen that can be removed in an hour or so can in some areas get around the zoning issue because it's not a permanent installation. Ikea's Varde and Bravad collections would be ideal. We looked at a house when we were househunting that had what amounted to a studio apartment in the finished cellar, which the owners had set up for their college-student child - the city did not consider it a rentable apartment because it did not have a proper exterior exit, the main entrance/exit was into the house and there was a bulkhead for emergency exit. They used a sink cabinet like this one plumbed through the shared wall of the three-quarter bathroom and easily capped off, another storage-and-counter unit with a countertop oven and two-burner hotplate (the induction ones would be especially safe for an elder since they only heat up when the right kind of pan is on them), and a small refrigerator. (We did not give the house very serious consideration because of the rather dumpy apartment house next door, though.) I know about the stairs issue but I'm just throwing the "modular kitchen" notion out there. Per minimum size... When I lived in Chicago and Boston my apartments were both loves, being able to socialize with folks her own age and "do her own thing" without being answerable to anyone, but there are people to keep an eye on her in case she runs into problems) and I think her apartment is something like 500sf; my mother and brother (and his daughter part-time) share a 2br2ba doublewide and if it's 800sf I'll eat my shoes.

It's such a pity that so many women out there have to deal with crazy, unstable MILs. It makes me wonderDid they forget what it's like to become a married woman themselves and want to be accepted and respected by their own MILS? I just donÂt get it. How do they turn into these overbearing monsters? Let me begin by saying thank you to everyone who has posted a story here. They were very interesting to read and I am sorry to all of you who have had to deal with crazy MILs. I am however so empowered by you and think it is awesome that you have still, however difficult, not let it end your relationships and marriages. ItÂs the easiest thing to do  just throw your hands up and walk out  and sometimes you just want to do it so badly. However, it really proves a point when you decide that youÂre not going to let someone elseÂs ridiculousness ruin what you have with your partner. You really have to stand up for yourself and your own life. It would be a relief to walk out but it would be a definite pity to let people like that win! My own story is certainly not as serious as some of the ones that have been posted here, nor am I a married woman like many of you here are. However, I have had an experience with the mother of my boyfriend, with whom IÂve been together for almost two years now. WhatÂs sad is that yes, weÂre not even married yet, and sheÂs already gone and done it. Some women have been married for years and have never had to deal with anything too crazy from their MILs, and other get it before marriage is even in the picture. Oh splendid!! ;-) Anyhow, to get to the point, what happened is that I was arguing over the phone with my boyfriend this past summer and she overheard us arguing. She and I always got along fine  almost too well, really  but she definitely did butt into our business sometimes when she didnÂt really have a place. It was never anything really serious though. This time, however, her over-involvement really went too far. I was directly asking him why he hadnÂt worked in the past ten months. He was in school from January to May, so okay fine, but then clearly in the summer he had no excuse. I asked this because I was curious if there was something he wasnÂt telling me (thatÂs part of a longer story) and I just wanted to make sure I wasnÂt being fooled or something. I also asked this because his money or lack thereof would sometimes directly affect our relationship; we werenÂt always able to do everything we (and I) would have liked to because he didnÂt always have the dough! And at this point our relationship had turned long distance (I moved back home from college)! (So, it is partly my business, at least I definitely think it is!) So, his mother overheard what I was saying through her son openly reiterating it in the house and got all defensive because his reaction over the phone made it sound like I was being abrasive and putting him down (when he is, without a doubt, trying to better himself and was back in school finishing his degree). She wrote the following on a piece of paper and flagged at him, to say to me: "Tell her she hasnÂt lost ten lbs in the past ten months and that makes her hard to defend!" Long story short, I ended up finding out that she wrote this, with the intention of him to saying it to his own girlfriend. I was so shocked and hurt (and then just outright pissed!). I cried well into the next day about it. Never has anyone been so outrightly mean to me sinceÂI donÂt know...elementary school! I couldnÂt believe she would talk about me like that, and better yet, try to get him to talk to me like that (he is nothing like that at all  very sweet and loving and accepting of me the way I am  the good and the bad). It was also shocking because, like I previously mentioned, we always got along very well and if anything I had only heard her say nice things about me, especially about my physical appearance  that IÂm cute, how nice I looked in a dress, things like that. I always knew she had a bad temper and when angry let things fly out of her mouth, but I never knew she could be that bad and loose ALL sense. ItÂs one thing when you let things fly out of your mouth to your family  families can usually make amends and move on  but to your sonÂs girlfriend? Please. Even some of the stupidest people on earth know you donÂt say things like that to people, and this woman, believe it or not, is very far from stupid and scummy. SheÂs got three degrees (one of them a J.D.) and is a reverendÂs wife!!! You would never think you could hate this woman, but then watch her snapÂand you wonÂt believe how she acts. I guess thatÂs how it goes with her, sadly. It is now over five months later and I have still not received any kind of apology from her. My boyfriend has said that he has talked to her about the situation multiple times and she does intend to apologize but when the "time is right." (Supposedly she said that she does not think IÂm fat or anything like that and just said that because she knows itÂs something IÂm insecure about.) I just think that sheÂs a coward and doesnÂt know how to be an adult and do what should have been done months ago. ItÂs been so long now and I feel like sheÂs lost her chance. At this point, what is an apology even worth? I donÂt feel that it would be genuine. If she really cared, if she really regretted what she said and the damage she did, she would have cleared things up a loooong time ago. I truly believe that. I know that everyone else does not think the way I do, but I do know that if I were her I would want to make things right again asap, as embarrassing as it may be. No one likes to apologize but it is the right thing to do and I know that I couldnÂt feel right about myself again until I made those amends. She is 46 and I am 22. ShouldnÂt she know this far better than me?! The facts of the matter are: she had no place in that conversation to begin with (it was between my boyfriend and myself  she had nothing to do with anything we were talking about) and on top of that she took a low blow at me (better yet tried to advise her own SON to take the low blow at me) thinking that bringing up my weight and attacking me with that is fighting on an even playing field. Okay, IÂm not Einstein (and I donÂt have a J.D.), but since when is attacking someoneÂs physical appearance equal to asking a person why they havenÂt worked? Hm. Still trying to figure that one out! I also know that what she said wasnÂt the most AWFUL thing in the world and could have certainly be a lot worse. However, it was still intentionally mean, cheap, classless, not to mention absolutely unnecessary! I do not think that I should just let this blow over. You canÂt treat people like that just because you feel they are "attacking" someone you love and that you need to provide defense! I donÂt even know how I would react if she did try to apologize this late on, but I do know that as long as nothing at all is done IÂm definitely not going to back down. I'm definitely not going to disrespect myself after she did as well. The incentive to write this story actually came from another situation that just happened earlier this evening. My boyfriend was fighting with his parents and she, angry and impulsive, called me. (I didnÂt pick up at the time.) I found out afterwards from my bf that she was calling me so that I could hear the way he was yelling at them and then I donÂt know, maybe think twice about staying with him? Well first of all, I already know that side of him (it has been two years!) and know that when people get pissed they yell! I do it to him too! If we were hitting each other and verbally abusing each other, thatÂd be another story. Furthermore, why in the hell does she think itÂs okay to call me ESPECIALLY knowing our circumstances? If you canÂt use my number for good, then donÂt use it at all! I certainly donÂt need her calling me to start drama and try to what  have me leave him?? And even IF we were on good terms, who the hell does that?!! What place did I even have in that situation and why did she try to use it to cause problems between him and I too??? I donÂt want to think that she wants me to leave him so that she can be rid of me, because I donÂt think thatÂs true. But seriously, the woman needs to get a hold of herself and start being her actual age (46), not the sum of her age. Okay so I know that was a novel but itÂs something that I havenÂt written about since it happened, and I guess I just had a lot built up. Bless you and thank you a million if you have made it to the end! If I can get any kind of feedback or thoughts from anybody about any aspect of what I wrote, I would greatly appreciate it! This is not something that I let bother me too much, but it is something that I wish did not have to be so. Thank You! Nicole

I understand wanting to feel "normal" again after your spouse dies. I knew I wasn't thinking straight, and I had 5 little kids to take care of, so I became a victim of a man who "threw me a rope" from the abyss I was in. I have to believe he heard about my husband dying and saw dollar signs. Our marriage did not last. I didn't come out of a fog until about 2 years. I didn't understand about waiting at least a year before making big decisions. Family and friends didn't object, but I think no one really knew what to say or do. Your father in law is clinging to what he has had. That love and closeness, sharing his life with someone. It's possible he is avoiding you because he understands what he is doing is not right, he may be under the "guidance" of this woman and doesn't want to jeopardize the relationship, or he really isn't thinking straight and is focusing on this woman and his old routines have gotten dropped from the huge rift of change from his wife dying. You might suggest very gently and only once, that this is a huge adjustment for him. Having a list of things widowers go through from a professional would be best. He is being led, and he will allow it. It is possible to lead him to a difficult, but better grieving process. Because of my marriage within a year of my best friend and husbands death, I didn't actually grieve until after my divorce, 6 years later. Take care. I wish people would discuss these situations more, instead of trying to deny that death happens. It is such a horrible time and any help through it would be nice.

Hi there, Are you working with an Architect to design the main home or with a large builder with standard floor plans from which to choose? If you have a design professional engaged they will be able to help you with this design. If not, I would recommend you do so. They can help you incorporate the aging in place / accessible design features A S mentioned above. I'd add to that list extra wide door ways, large bathrooms, extra supports in the walls for support bars in the bathroom (installed now or at least structure provided in case they need to be added in the future), material consideration (for example if you're concerned anyone using the space may be using or may need in the future a wheelchair or walker carpeting needs to be thought out, low pile selected, transitions provided as needed, ramps provided as needed, etc. Happy to provide more info if you'd like. Good luck with the project !