Relationship in crisis because of his crazy kid

JojoH

I've dated this guy for over half a year now. He is a very nice and caring person. We have similar views on many things and get along pretty well. One thing that concerns me is his daughter who turned 18 last year. It seems like ever since she turned 18, she started making stupid decisions on after another. She could have gone to a very good college with military scholarship, but she decided to quit. When this spring semester started, she even quit high school when she is only a few months away from getting her diploma. And she had been doing well at school academically and socially. (There was other crazy stuff that she had done, but I'll just omit them for now.) Last weekend I was told that she was 8 weeks pregnant. What's even worse is her boyfriend's parents didn't even care and kicked the boy out of their home. Now she and her boyfriend are both living with my boyfriend with an unborn baby.

My boyfriend is a single father who had very bad relationships and divorces. He is not rich either. In fact, he works on an hourly wage. Hearing this news made me shocked and angry because I can't understand why someone would want to get pregnant when she even can't support herself. I think she actually got pregnant intentionally: she had been on birth control and decided to stop doing it last December. I'm also angry because I hate people who never think about others. In this case, his father, my boyfriend is working hard to raise them (he also has a 14 year old boy from another marriage living with him), she not only didn't help with house work, but also kept causing troubles, and they are not small troubles.

My concern is that if this girl will ever grow into a reasonable person and stand on her own feet. So far, I haven't been convinced that this girl will ever be able to or want to be independent. But I might be wrong. I like this guy, but given his financial situation, I don't feel secure, financially and emotionally. This girl and her craziness or stupidity is like a time bomb. My question is am I over-thinking? Will this girl ever change? Will she stop making troubles like this? Is there anything we can do to keep our relationship or should I just leave?

I appreciate your suggestions or comments.

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Comments (4)
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imamommy

She will stop making trouble for him when HE decides to stop letting her. She's made several bad decisions but apparently, that's what she saw growing up. Dad made poor decisions in his relationships so it's not surprising that his kids will do the same. You don't mention her mom so I'm assuming nothing good and if her mom is a bad role model, then there you go.

Will this girl ever change? Not YOUR problem. She was on that track before you met her daddy. She will continue on her path whether you are there or not. She's 18. If her daddy lets her bring craziness into his life, that's HIS choice and THAT is your problem if you are in a relationship with him.

Is there anything you can do to keep your relationship? It doesn't sound like you are living with him. If you enjoy his company, date him and steer clear of his home life. Let him come see you, meet him somewhere else & stay away from his toxic home situation. If you are hoping for more than that, read my other thread.

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sylviatexas1

It sounds like you're taking on much, much too much responsibility for protecting this man from his own child.

& it also sounds like maybe she's the one who needs protecting.

only 18 & so self-destructive, so wildly changeable.

& there is a reason;

don't know what it is, but there's always a reason.

I wonder what the other side of the stories are about his 'very bad relationships and divorces'.

Maybe you should back up & get some more information & restore a more detached perspective before you rush in on your charger, carrying your lance, rescuing this guy.

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JojoH

Thank you all for your comments and insight.

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ellendi

Are you sure you want to stay in a relationship with a man who has so much baggage?
I say take a break from this relationship. You say your boyfriend has had very bad relationships and divorces.
What exactly are you getting from this relationship?

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