I didn't read all the responses and don't have kids so I can only talk from being one. I don't think I would force him. Your sister's comment caught my eye with "if we don't get them in early than they will never really be as good as those who have played for years." I completely disagree. My parents were athletic and involved with sports. Dad since he was wee little and Mom in high school. We weren't allowed to play sports and be in all kinds of activities as kids. We were told once we hit high school, and sports were offered through the school, we could (which was 7th grade). My Dad worked long hours and Mom worked on and off through the years. She wasn't going to run all the time dragging us from sport to Girl Scouts, piano lessons, etc. As a kid I was a little disappointed but I also want to point out there wasn't much around where we live besides girl scouts or softball. I only ever wanted to try softball because of my one friend. ( BTW, never again had a desire to play.) Anyhow, as an adult I don't blame my parents one bit for that decision. I see parents running their kids every night to something and they don't have time to be a breathe. In 4th grade band was offered and I wanted to play the trumpet. Two weeks into it I wanted to quite and wasn't allowed. I'm glad they had me stay with it. I played all the way up until I graduated. Once I hit high school I played sports. I played on the varsity team as a freshman. I was very good at everything I was involved in and it was rare for Mom to miss a game, meet, etc. Dad was there when he could be. Schedules were very crazy. There's always room for improvement but I think a kid is generally either athletic or not. If you're not quite as good and you actually like the sport, most times you'll practice and practice even on your own time until you get better. DH thinks like your sister. (Yes, even though I'm a first hand example proving him wrong.) His parents were athletic and involved in sports as well. DH and his brothers all played sports as kids. He's passionate about having our future kids in activities when they're super little all the way up through the years. I've seen kids get burn out on sports. Kids that started when they were 2 wrestling and hated it by high school. A big difference from back then to now was we were made to go outside and play. When we did get a Nintendo and Super Nintendo our time was limited. So that being said, I think it's better for a kid to be involved with something vs. sitting on the couch in front of the tv, video games, or computer. I have no idea what we'll end up doing when the time comes. If they want to, I'm sure we'll give the ok but it's very important to me that we keep a balance. I know all this depends on a bunch of different factors but that's my story.

please accept my sympathy to you and your family. i think it doesn't matter when you have lot someone that feeling never goes away. in afew weeks i will have been a widow for 4 years. everyday i think of my husband. i remember what we had for supper the night before (roast and veggies) and i haven't made or eaten it since. i still wear my 3 diamond ring he gave me for our 25th anniv. still proudly with my wedding band on my left hand. i also rec'd a diamond tennis bracelet for my 50th bd (all ths jewellery within 2 months of his passing) along with a puppy gracie joy devine (i swore we would never have another pet) i live in northern ontario so i know about cold and snow today it was minus 43! i walk 21/2 miles one way everyday to visit him at the cemetery. i hate him for leaving me. my husband was just loved by everyone, he had that kind of personality. our son hAS taken over some of his dads traits like volunteering etc. and i don't think our daughter will ever get over losing her date, she was home when the firetrucks and ambulance came to the house, but she has learned to be a nicer person. life is so funny those mean people we all know seem to live forever and ever. it took me about a year to mention Al's name but now i make sure that the kids (well 22 and 27) hear atleast one story about their dad. again i'm sorry for your loss

I think that this is a much bigger question than what the wording should be. Please forgive me if I am getting too personal. I may be way off base here, but perhaps this is something you might want to think about. I would suggest rethinking the idea of your fiance making any public vows at the ceremony to your son. No matter how much they love each other and no matter how thrilled your son is about the marriage, they aren't really getting married to each other, are they? You and your fiance chose each other, and you are the ones making the commitment of marriage. Your son may love the idea, but he isn't the one who got engaged; this would be a vow in which he has no choice -- even if you gave him the choice, how could he say no? (I realize you are just talking about a one-way vow from your fiance to him, but still, that affects the "vow-ee.") Your post refers to your fiance's making vows to your son "along with the ones that she says to me." But any kind of vows he makes to your son are, and should be, very different from the ones he makes to you. I think the close juxtaposition could make your son uncomfortable, even if he doesn't say anything about it to you (and even if he isn't himself totally conscious of it). Any child whose parent is remarrying, even a child who is very happy about it, will have mixed feelings, at least sometimes. That's normal and healthy. It's a big change in his life, and even good changes are stressful. It's wonderful -- really wonderful -- that they get along great. But what is the purpose of a vow, or any other kind of public commitment ceremony? What would it mean? When your son leaves home, would he be breaking it? If his father is alive, even if they have a poor relationship, what would this mean with regard to that? And what will happen when, inevitably, your son and your new husband quarrel? The added emotional load of some sort of vow can't help. You mention you have heard of others doing this. Unfortunately, some of those marriages probably didn't last. What is the psychological effect upon the child then, when the vows to him/her are broken along with the vows to Mom/Dad? I'm not saying this will happen to you; it's just a thought for the concept in general. Although I am sure that the adults truly believe they are doing this for the children's sake, to make them "special" and "involved" too, I suspect that this practice is at bottom more for the adults' feelings than for the kids' true well-being. Consider if you wouldn't get pretty much the same positive effect by doing things like having him be either your or your fiance's honor attendant and having your fiance make a fabulous toast to him at the reception which could come very close to a vow and include all the wonderful things he would have said if he'd done it during the ceremony. Maybe if the two of them really want some sort of ceremony for their own relationship, they could do it privately or just with family the day before the wedding or some other time. You will think of other ideas, too, I'm sure. Whatever you do will be lovely and meaningful. But for a variety of reasons I would keep it separate from the vows you and your husband will make to each other. Like the string about children "giving away" their parents. It's just too big an emotional load to impose on them, even though it all seems wonderful at the time. Please forgive me for being a wet blanket. As I said, I may be totally off here. But it is something to think about, perhaps with your clergy or whoever you go to for advice. You might also consider talking to adult friends whose parents remarried when they were your son's age. They will have a good perspective. The most important thing, of course, is that you all love each other, and you are all committed to being a family. You don't need a ceremony for that! Congratulations to all of you.

Hi Petunia- I saw your posts where you said something like you are afraid you will never meet anyone. I would bet money with you that I am just as much of a home body as you, if not more. *wink* You will meet someone. When you are ready and when you are not looking or expecting it. Sweeby- I disagree with mentioning kids or marriage on the second date. I agree with you on what you are saying but for some reason it FREAKS guys out. Not only does it freak them out but it is in many magazines and articles about dating not to mention it that soon. Again, I agree it shouldnt be that big of a deal. I have to agree with the person who said the ex is not perfect since she wants kids. I also think he is not perfect because he is not treating you the way you should be treated -as the women in the relationship. Its bad parenting by the parent (not the kid) He allows this kind of stuff to go on. I dont care if he feels guilty or not. You are the adult and the women in the relationship. She is the child. I would not allow myself to be treated in any way other than that. When I am not they are placed on the curb. Yes, it stinks and yes it hurts. Once my head and heart are clear and I am on the outside looking in I clearly see things without my heart involved and I realize that I made the best decision. As far as meeting people on the internet. I have met guys on the net and out. It made no difference where I met them, what they did for a living, or where they lived they were who they were and it wouldnt have mattered where I met them. The same people you would meet out and about are the same people that are on the internet. I personally would use a match maker service that you had to pay for. That would weed out some of the people you wouldnt want anyway. Good Luck Keep us updated. Its a New Year and you are going to meet someone special if you let yourself! *wink*