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sandracis

comparing children

sandracis
10 years ago

Hi, so I have an issue and I can't tell if I'm overreacting as my boyfriend says I am or if I have a valid reason to be upset. Long story short: 2.5 year relationship, he has a child with an ex, we live together, child lives with us every other week. He cheated on me with both baby mama (first 6 months of our relationship) and another girl a year later. We decided to stay together and things are pretty good. Backstory is because our history is important due to my insecurities. So, we just got into a huge argument because my bf said that when we have kids, one or more of them is bound to be mediocre due to the "law of averages". Now, this maybe wouldn't bother me except that he is constantly raving about how amazing and smart and above average his child is. I have NO problem with that- my problem lies in his assumption that of we had kids it wouldn't be the same. He says that I'm ridiculous for getting upset by this and that if he had more kids with his child's mother one of them would probably be mediocre too. I'm just shocked and upset with his assumptions not to mention hurt. He says my insecurities make me overreact and this isn't a big deal, that he would love our kids too but they probably won't all be above average. I just don't know how to handle this and I know we don't have kids yet but this is important and i feel like we are just on different pages. Am I wrong for wanting him to think any future kids we have will be amazing too? Especially in the face of constantly hearing how amazed he is and how special the child he already has is? Am I selfish, as he constantly tells me? Thank you for your help.

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