Should i feel like i do about my partners children

12 years ago

When I was 19 I met my partner within a work place, and we got together under very complicated conditions. He had split with his pregnant girlfriend to be with me. I did feel awful for his ex-partner because I wouldn't want to be a part of that normally but I felt very strongly about my partner.

He is 6 years older than me and has a daughter of which now is 13. At first I got on brill with her, I did all sorts with her, and because of the age gap not being very large between us as pathetic that is, we had a lot of things in common.

The his other child was born and ended up gaining full custody of her due to her mums neglect. I was them put under pressure to either leave the year long relationship there and then or accept his newborn baby. He expected me to take all the roles as a mum, work, and also carry on with university at age of 19/20.

My family told me not to take this much pressure on however I did, and at first it was fine while she was a baby and it wasn't until she got to about 2 years of age, ive got to the point where I am sick of major responsibility that I have got, he expects me to care for her all the time, pay for everything and I get no time to myself or any social time and he spends 2 hours a day when he finishes work with her and then just on a Saturday when I work 6 hours and he goes fishing and other hobbies sunday.

Now she is 3, and I feel awful saying this but I feel like I cannot stand to be around her at the moment, I love her to bits, but I just don't want to do it but i don't want to loose my partner. When concering his older daughter i cant even stand her name being mentioned, she is ungreatful all the time for anything i do for you, she takes things for granted and causes trouble at our house when she comes. He also expects me to change any plans i have if she decides to come over and im sick of the amount of respect she has for herself, i disagree with her being sexually active and having abusive language on social networking sites at the age of 13. And he disagrees with me.

I am now 22 and i am expecting my first born, and the feelings towards both of his children have grown even larger. He has not come to one scan, appointment or anything to do with the pregnancy. He hates me spending money buying the baby things, he don't want to know, but its always when his other kids were born or when theirs mums were giving birth. I feel that this baby is nothing compared to his other children and i don't know whether that is the reason why i resent his children more now.

I don't want to feel like this and hope i can find a solution to this. He this i am leaving his 3 year old out but i just want to be able my first pregnancy and my first baby.

Am i in the wrong for wanting that?

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Comments (7)

mkroopy
12 years ago
"He had split with his pregnant girlfriend to be with me"

OK, when I read this I knew it was headed towards a train-wreck...lovely way to start a relationship.

"He expected me to take all the roles as a mum, work, and also carry on with university at age of 19/20. "

He is wrong to expect this but more importantly you were a complete fool to agree to do it.

"I am now 22 and i am expecting my first born..."

Well I was about to tell you "get out before it's too late...but apparently it is. I still think you'd be better off...your "man" is an abusive jerk who is taking advantage of you and has for years...and for the record, I am not a man-hating woman or anything...I am a man in my 40's who is embarrassed that so many men take this approach (i.e. try to get their GFs to take care of their kids while they do what they want to do)

Run away...as far as you legally can...from this guy (remember, it is his child, he does have legal rights to it, if he wants). It might be hard in the beginning but in the long run you will probably be better off.

Sorry to come off so blunt....maybe if people had over the last few years you would not be in this position....good luck.
sylviatexas1
12 years ago
No, you're not wrong, & he's playing an ugly & vicious game with you & has been doing so *since you were 19 years old & he had a pregnant girlfriend*.

Get out of that poisonous atmosphere & bring up your baby in a healthy environment.

I wish you the very best.
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mary_md7
12 years ago
The problem is how you feel about your partner, not his children.

His children are just children who need a caring and responsible adult. He, on the other hand, is a selfish user.
readinglady
12 years ago
Isn't the word partner a misnomer? If you pay for everything and take care of the children (and work and go to school) in what way is he a partner?

I am very sorry because now there's a three-year-old who has known no other mother than you and a thirteen-year-old desperately in need of mature adult guidance.

And mature adults seem to be in short supply. You are young and stressed and nearly burnt-out and now there's a baby on the way. It's time to focus on yourself, building a better life than the one you are living now.

Hard as it is and sad as it is, I don't see any good coming from this relationship. Even though you're pregnant and it's scary, I think you'd be better off as a single mother.

Ironically, since you've been carrying such a heavy load on your own for all this time, you may well find life is easier without this man.
sylviatexas1
12 years ago
'since you've been carrying such a heavy load on your own for all this time, you may well find life is easier without this man.'

Bingo!

Many years ago, I went through a break-up & found that my life was indeed better & easier:
although I was young & had to stretch every dollar, the stress level dropped tremendously, my time was my own (not someone else's), & I enjoyed doing things that I couldn't have done before-
not even dating or going to clubs, just simple things like taking a ceramics class.
colleenoz
12 years ago
Dear God in heaven, being stressed out with caring for one little one full time why the hell did you get pregnant with another one?
Honestly, sorry to be so blunt but really, what made you think this was going to have a happy ending?
Like mkroopy, as soon as I read "he left his pregnant girlfriend for me" I could see a train wreck in your future. Here it comes.
Your best bet at this point is to get off the train, go home to your family and get as much of your life back as you can while being a single parent to your about to be born new baby. Finish your studies to give yourself a better crack at a well paying job, which you'll need as a single mum, since it's unlikely your baby's father will be giving you much hands-on assistance with raising your baby, given his track record.
Good luck: you're going to need it.
suzieque
12 years ago
I totally agree with colleenoz. What in the world did you get involved in this for? Cut your losses and get outa there. I feel bad for the little girl, for the guy's former girlfriend, and for your unborn baby. I don't feel that bad for you and certainly not for him.

I don't know if you're still reading here or not. Perhaps you're a drive-by. But - hopefully you're spending your time moving on.

Should i feel like i do about my partners children

Comments (7)

mkroopy

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