I'm a 28 year old only child (not a parent yet, so I can't speak from that perspective).Here is an inside perspective of the good and bad of being an "only". One thing I will concede, is that a child with atleast one sibling probably does develop better socially. I've always felt rather "socially awkward" around peers w/few exceptions,and tend to relate better to older people. I don't see it as a negative, but just the way it is. I was never the "bratty" type, I suppose because I was taught good manners. However, I do NEED privacy. I never had any desire to live in a college dorm for instance. I just couldn't handle someone always being present/no personal space, sharing a bathroom, etc. I have not married yet, I suppose a husband would be the exception, though even then I'm sure I'll need alteast some time/space to myself. At the same time, I also lack the concept of "divided attention", so I dont do well in groups, tend to only go out with one friend at a time, and usually have few friends. I suppose I get a bit obsessed in romantic relationships, and even in platonic friendships,can't understand why I'm not someone's "best friend." I have gotten better handling this with age, as I realize that most ppl don't want to feel suffocated. So, I guess I'm one extreme or the other, I either want total alone time, or I want your undivided attention (as I always give my attention undivided). There is also the issue of caring for aging parents one day alone (mine are divorced yet...), though siblings don't always guarantee help with these things. So, those are the biggest quirks/negatives, but otherwise, I feel it's a good thing and wouldn't want it any other way. Being that my parents are working class ppl, I know I have a ton more materially/financially then I would if I had siblings, however i'm sure not as much as "kids" from wealthier homes have. I also received a ton more attention growing up, and was quite overprotected, which when I was a child felt was a negative, but now I see it's bc my parents love me so much, and if anything happened to me, they have no other children. Well, I hope this provided some perspective, good luck regardless of your desicion.

Hi Cindrillon, I feel obliged to respond to your post, since it mirrors my life so closely. I am an American, married to a Frenchman living in France with 2 step sons (6 and 8 years old). Although we have them EOW plus 1-2 days per week. I have a couple of questions. How long have you been living in France? Do you work? Do you have many friends here? I ask this because I started following this forum because I was having major problems adapting to life with my step sons when I moved here 2 years ago. I felt they were rude, babied, not very kind towards me, etc. And I wasnt completely wrong. They yelled at adults and no one reprimanded them, they didnÂt do anything for themselves, couldnÂt (still canÂt) tie their shoes, didnÂt dress themselves, had at potty chair that they still used! Keep in mind they were 4 and 6 at the time. I think a lot of this has to do with culture. To me it seems the French donÂt value kids being independent as much as Americans do. It also has to do with guilt on my DHÂs side. Plus, everyone was so busy fighting and getting through the divorce earlier that I think, unfortunately the kids kind of slipped through the cracks a little bit in the "life lessons" department. However, I think a major part was me too. I was in a new country, I couldnÂt speak the language well, I felt overwhelmed, tired, and every problem was magnified. Plus, since my life was so narrow (only DH and work) when something was going wrong it felt like my entire world was going wrong. But, it gets better. The kids adjusted, your DH will adjust and YOU will adjust. My DH was good and stepped up to all the "parenting". He let (and lets) me have time by myself if needed. Whereas before he felt we needed to re-create a family and do everything together. But you canÂt force it. (It probably will come, though.) Get out and about. Do things for yourself. Pick up a hobby. I wonÂt say learn the language because thatÂll come naturally (and trust me, the last thing I wanted to do after a long day and a 3 hour round trip commute was sit my butt in a language class). Now weÂre happily married, waiting on our 1st baby together (which the Step Sons are thrilled about), with ups and downs like any other family. I still get annoyed at the kids but itÂs more for "kid" things than "step-kid" things. So, to recap my rambling post Make sure you DH does the "parenting", but jump in for the fun times and try to build a bond. Try your hardest to be nice to your SS. He can sense your feelings even if you donÂt voice them, and youÂll get nowhere. Take time for yourself and try to build your life here. Be patient. Problems always seem magnified when your dealing with so much change to begin with. I know this stuff isnÂt always easy, and IÂm still working on it, too. But I found that it helped me immensely. Also, thereÂs an online group in France for parents called MESSAGE. Maybe look into that. TheyÂve got great support and are always organizing outings. And if youÂd like, let me know and you can email me personally. ItÂs always better when someone understands your situation. Hope things get better. Hang in there.

A lot of his behavior reminds me of my step daughter. The ignoring my presence, contanstanly on the phone with BM. Inappropriate for her age cuddling with BM. No younger kids to torment at home, but she would torment her older brother (untill he started smacking her - which he was punished for) Then she would choose kids at school she could boss around. Bullying behavior. She also was pretty flagrant at manipulating her father. He was clueless, unless I pointed out her plans. Same thing with BM. No rules at her house, free reign, but also too busy with current boyfriend to give attention to her. We always punished her, both of us, although mine had to be backed up by DH, before she'd be subject to it. She wouldn't respond to any punishment. Take away everything she loves in her room. She only sit on her bed with this scowl on her face. No crying. No apology. Nothing. I thought something was seriously wrong. She finally came around at about 10 & 1/2. Something happened where she was getting in trouble and involved her friend. The friend ended up getting slightly hurt. The friend was crying wanted to go home, so I packer SD & friend in my car to drive her home. The friend was really worried that her parents would punish her as well. I talk to her parents explained the circumstances, and drove SD back. That was the very first time SD cried in anticipation of punishment from her father that would be waiting for her. She still make irresponsible, stupid mistakes, but is more understanding as to why it's wrong and punishment is to make her remember to never do it again. But in our case BM has only seen her daughter maybe 4 -5 weekends a year for the last 5 years. Just because she makes no real effort to see her more than that. Although makes up a million excuses for why to SD. Which was another issue in that SD thought it all right to lie. He mother does it, why not her. She felt closer to her mother by sharing the need to lie about everything. She still when cornered will tell a lie first, even though its an obvious lie. She still is unclear that lying ontop of an existing infraction, is way worse. You DH needs to establish his role in you household heiarchy. His role is to obey his father AND you. His role is to support his half-siblings. His role is to not be a bully. The more he acts up, the more stingent his life is at your house. Don't bring up BM or his life there with him. That is not under your control and he's old enough to know what house he's at. Good luck.

"It may make day to day life easier for you and your daughter, but she may still grow up like she's missing a piece of her puzzle)" Oh, I don't doubt that at all. I know at some point, whether when she is 10 or 18, or somewhere in between, she will be more curious about her bio-dad and want some answers. She may even want to meet him. And that's all okay. I am fully prepared for that and I believe it is her right. If he were to call today, even after 6 years, and say he wanted to talk to her, see her, I would be supportive of doing that in a constructive way--just because I feel it is not MY place to say no. BUT seriously--the guy is a total loser. He has two other kids, neither of whom he sees, and I'm not sure if it was the child support for my daughter that landed him in jail, or one of the other kids. The guy is really a deadbeat in every sense of the word. I don't feel my daughter is missing out by not having him in her life. I have a friend who was raised by a man who was not her father, and to this day, HE is her dad--she is now 27 years old. I get what you are saying, but I think my daughter's situation is easier because it's so cut and dry-he has never been around. That all said, I know it will be her "issue" in life and I just hope she knows however she wants to handle it as she gets older, I will be supportive. She has asked me a few times things about her dad, and so far--my simple answers seem to satisfy--"he lives far away in a different state, his name is P, etc." She did ask me one time a year ago why he didn't love her. THAT was a hard one. I told her that her dad doesn't KNOW her, and that I am positive if he knew her, he would love her. I then proceeded to remind her of all the people that DO know her (grandparents, uncle, fiance, cousins, etc) and love her.