Getting the blame for everything....
I have been married for almost 6 years, Together we have 7 children and 9 grandchildren.
For the most part, we all function very well. My 2 bc love my husband and my husbands kids - well I would say that 3 out of 5 accept me openly and we get along great.
My problem lies with his 23 almost 24 year old daughter. Her mother has never been a part of her life, so between her sisters and dad they have, in my opinion, babies her way to much to compensate. My spouse worked out of town for 7 years when SD was 13 until just recently. SD has lived with his then wife, then her sisters after his divorce. She wouldnt stay in one place long because she refused to go by rules, but was able to snow her dad because he wasnt home.
When we met, she came to live with me out of state...stating she wanted that mother relationship, etc...it lasted about 10 minutes when she realized my home had rules, curfews,chores, etc. she lasted at my home for 3 months then went to live with her brother until we were married and living under same roof.
Well since marriage, she and I have had many run ins..since I was left in charge of the house with H out of town. She has stolen and forged my checks, etc...tried to physically fight me once until I told her I would press charges...I didn't play that way.
Since H is home now, he has been able to see her behavior first hand and has dramatically changed his relationship with her. She went to cosmetology school 3 years ago, signed up and forged his name on financial loan papers to get in...but we let that go hoping she was finally growing up and going to do something for herself rather than play the pity party with everyone. She finished over a year ago, but still has not passed her test...and we have loans due...
She also started dating a jerk of a guy, and now has a child by him. When the broke up 6 months ago, shortly after babies birth, she moved back in with us. Jobless and broke...we supported the baby completely...all clothes, diapers etc. came from us. The BF was a stalker and he threatened our home and was then told to never come back on our property, which we now know she was sneaking him over anyway. They are back together, and we told her that if that is the route she was choosing, she would not get any support from us - that they needed to figure out how to provide for their child and themselves...she has moved out almost a month ago, but still has stuff left all over house so we have told her to come get or we will take to goodwill.
She has cut us out of all communication with her and our gd. She changed her phone number etc,. The problem I have is that her father is devastated by her actions and has tried to make contact to get her stuff out of house and to be able to move on with life without worrying about her or at least having it a daily conversation and reminder of his dissppointment. We both know she is choosing a bad road but it is her life...what bothers me is that anything something comes up, I get the blame completely even though her father is actually way more aggrevated with the circumstances and her behavior that I am. Is that just the role of step mom - to get the blame when dad finally has enough of immature behavior and ceases to be sucked into it all? I read post and a lot of SP say that you have to let go completely...but how do you do that? I want us to all be a family...but with her and us it just isn't possible, especially with this guy around after the personal threats he has made against us and our property...but as the SM, I am sickened that I get all the blame...and that H does stand up to her and it still backfires to of course I put him up to it - or I convinced him to turn on his daughter, etc. I can just imagine all that she is telling her sisters and brothers...How do you let it go and deal with it all?