If I remember correctly, your SD is about thirteen or fourteen, right?

I would think that she would be able to tell you if she feels sick enough to have to go to the doctor.

It doesnt seem like that big a deal, so unless the SD is insisting she really feels ill, I wouldnt bother taking the girl to the doctor.

If bm wants to complain in court about something like that, MOST judges can see that a teenager is quite able to express exactly how sick they are...or are not.

Let the bm fume about it and dont you worry, you cant be punished in court for something like this, with the age of the SD.

It could very well be that complaining about how her daughter is parented is the only way that BM can feel as if she is validated as a mother. Some people are like that.

One of my kids had e coli. The diarrhea was sporadic too. When I first called the doctor, he acted like it was no big deal, and didn't want to see her. They had me bring in a sample for testing, but I had no idea that they don't routinely test for e coli. It wasn't until I practically begged the doctor on call to have her seen that she finally was, and within 48 hours of going on medicine, she was much better. After that experience, I would insist on having my children seen if they had diarrhea for more than 48 hours, or if they had stomach pain or any blood (which a teenager might not mention).

If your sd had not complained to you or dh about her illness then it is probably just that her mom wants to hold onto some feeling of importance, so she is trying to act like she is better at something! If you sd is still ill then by all means take her to see the dr. But I do not think it is necessary to run to the dr. for every low grade fever, cold, stuffy nose, and stomach ache! If symptoms are unbearable or persist for days then see a dr.

My skids bm found reasons to take all 3 to the er when they visited her for a few weeks this summer. All of them were fine-no medication or overnight stay needed! I guess it just made her feel like a "good mom" to go sit in the er with her kids since she doesn't do anything else for them the rest of the year!

In all her concern over her daughter's health, does BM ever offer to pay any portion of the doctor bills? (I'm guessing not, based on your post.)

You should be trying to get some kind of brief, signed statement from the doctor about SD's condition (or lack thereof) each time you go. If it's nothing, false alarm after false alarm, you will have it in writing to show to BM/court, and after enough "nothing" notes you would be well within your rights to put the onus on BM for paying for at least *some* of these doctor visits. On the other hand, as TOS suggests, sometimes there actually *is* something wrong, in which case the thorough documentation would be helpful too.

Just because her mom is demanding it, doesn't mean your DH has to listen. After all, that's why he has sole custody. Kathline makes a good point that BM may be trying to validate her role as mommy. We go through this with my SD's mom. She was taking her daughter out of school early because it was her 'right' as a mom, even though the teacher and DH finally said something about it. She went on a rant that everyone was keeping her from her baby! Since then, she's gone through SD's homework folder (which she hadn't done before) and fills out any form that says 'parent signature' on it.

If I were you, I would not engage in her rant or do as she demands. If you run to take her to the doctor every time BM says so (even just to document), then BM will continue to demand it. If SD is feeling better, then I'd write back and say "she seems to be fine now or getting better. If she gets worse, I'll notify you right away and take her for treatment." Does BM pay for any of the medical costs? My SD's mom is supposed to pay half but we've never gotten a penny. She hasn't demanded we take her to the doctor but in your case, I might have told her that if she was so worried about the health of her child, she wouldn't let the lack of insurance information stop her. I know I wouldn't as a mom. But telling her that is only going to make her more defensive of her role as a mom, then you are essentially calling her a bad mom and that will probably get a bad reaction.

theotherside, if OP didn't say that everyone in the house has had the flu, I'd be more inclined to agree with you. If the symptoms don't go away or get worse in two days, I would definitely find out why, of course we were sick for three days and it was just the stomach flu. So, part of assessing whether it requires a trip to the doctor would include what everyone has eaten or what the source of the problem is. I'd look at the big picture first. (and anytime there is blood, it's a no brainer...)

Kind of sounds like BM is a hypochondriac. If it is one of the reasons that she lost joint custody, I wouldn't be too bothered by it.

Does SD happen to have psoriasis? I know at times the rash can look worse than it actually feels.

Wimom, There is a syndrome called Munchhausen by proxy, meaning the mom always takes the child to the Dr, getting some kind of payoff as to what a good mother she is, I d google it and see if it rings any bells....I think instinctively, you just know when your child is sick enough for the Dr visit.., My DH s ex wont take sick kid to the Dr, because she pays deductible, and the kid suffers when he doesnt have to..she just wont buy medicene or take to Dr which is really bad too.....

We never did figure out what my child had eaten that she got e. coli from - probably something at school, since no one else got it and my cooking style tends toward broiled hockey puck as opposed to still mooing. Supposedly one corner of a hamburger or whatever could have a high concentration of e. coli, and the rest could be fine. I would have though blood was a no brainer too, but the doctor tried to downplay it as no big deal. I KNEW my child was very ill.

Of course the first thing I would think of if I saw a rash on a sick teenager would be meningitis - obviously I wouldn't wait around for someone else to pay for it. If I waited for my exH to pay for the medical things he is supposed to pay for, my kids would wait months for treatment.

The rash is a chronic problem; she is very allergic to nickel, cobalt, and vit. B12... nothing new, just another thing for BM to "whine" about! The rash is not new to this situation... just made me mad that she is rambling on about the rash along with the virus.

The point is that SD is 14 and she didn't say anything other than she wasn't feeling very good.... Well.. no kidding, 5 other people in the house had been SICK, SICK, SICK in bed with vomiting, fevers, chills, sweats, etc.

Thanks for allowing me to vent. I'm just so tired of this crap she pulls every now and then when she tries to make herself "look" like the "good" mommy! The woman lives 6 hours away and has never been anything but an EOWE mom in my SD's life since she was about 2 years old, and before that my DH was the primary parent in her life too!

Well, at least the good thing is is that SD doesn't seem to have picked up on BM's sick/Dr./crazy nonsense.

I know how hard it is with skin problems and allergies. I have psoriasis and a host of other things my skin is allergic too! Hope SD gets some relief as it can be quite bothersome. I did notice as I left puberty some of it calmed down.

My SD's mom is a hypochondriac, and any red bump or slight temp could be the beginning of the end. As a result, my SD tends to overreact to any little thing as well. While mom will react with a lot of "oh, honey baby you poor little thing, you have a boo boo" kind of talk I am more of the "red bump huh? When you have 10 come see me" type . . . in other words I don't overreact to a 99 degree temp, but react to one over 102 . . . as the doctor has instructed me to. The more you play into it the more she gets worked up, and I try not to get that drama started. I think that SD likes the "honey baby" though, so a bit of a sniffle for 2 days here becomes a life threatening cold there - complete with the sick voice and mopey looks. Could it be that your SD is playing into mom's dramatic personality as well?

Once weekend SD was with her mom in the apartment mom had for 5 plus months. Mom calls us at 11:00pm in the car on the way to the ER because SD has red bumps and she thinks it's a reaction to the carpet in the apartment. She describes the bumps and DH says "they are hives." She argues, and DH suggests calling the on-call Dr. before going to the ER. He calls, and the nurse says "sounds like hives." She calls BM back, tells her, and she argues. He tells BM to call the nurse, which she does from the ER parking lot. She then calls DH back all excited and says "Guess what? It's just hives!!"

Sometimes you just grin and bear it, and go on doing what you know is best. Sometimes they just need to assert themselves.

Good to hear from you - I was just thinking of you the other day.

Thanks for all the kind words everyone! Yes, I just let myself get worked up over this because it just hit a nerve. I have been dealing with VERY sick people in the house for over a week (myself included as well as DH) with actual fevers, vomiting, severe headaches, respiratory issues, etc. and then SD complains a couple of times of having a little bit of an upset stomach and some diarrhea and all the sudden it becomes a major emergency that "must" be dealt with immediately... EXCUSE ME!

I think the reason this really hits my nerves is that years ago I had some children ill, one in particular that was running 104 temp! I was busy dealing with her and trying to keep her cooled down and care for her (after she HAD seen the Dr. and been told it was a virus) and SD spiked a whopping 99 degree temp... That time BM was so balistic that we didn't immediately rush SD to the hosp for that 99 degree temp that it was brought up over and over in court for the next couple of years during custody battles!

It just really pushes my buttons when BM goes so nuts over SD's minor illnesses when I am at home dealing with real issues with the other kids. SD might be "laying it on thick" for BM, but knowing SD's personality and BM's personality, I would be more inclined to think that BM is just way overreacting to minor issues!

Sounds like bm is trying to gather "evidence" to go for custody, perhaps. My ex did that with the youngest kids when they were little. He lived about 1000 miles away and just tried to keep them. First, DS had terminal "liver cancer". I asked him to return him home per the divorce decree so I could get DS medical attention at Mayo. ex didn't think that was necessary. Then DD had "rheumatoid arthritis" and traveling back home would kill her. This BS went on for 2 months past the time for them to come home. My local sherrif's office said ex's state law enforcement could choose to honor my state's court ruling or not. ex could get a temporary emergency custody hearing and then legally keep the kids. Then I would have to establish residency in that state, get a lawyer, and eventually take him to court. My attorney told me the best bet was to drive out to ex's home unannounced to pick up the kids and hope for the best.

That is what my sister and I did and it worked. We were taking a big chance. ex had threatened my life numerous times, but nothing happened that time. But DS and DD were so angry and fearful that the trip home would kill them. Of course, there were no health problems with either of them. ex lied in a pathetic attempt to keep the kids. Can you imagine your father telling his little kids the big lie that they are about to die? And the kicker was, after sis and I picked the kids up and we were about to leave, he told DS that he, the father, was about to die from heart disease and this would be the last time he would ever see him alive. This was 12-15 years ago and the evil creep is still kicking strong. I have never in my life ever believed in hating anyone or anything, but after 20 years in an abusive marriage and 15 years of divorced bliss on my part and evil behavior to me and the 4 kids on his part, I can honestly say I hate the man's actions and don't like him the least.