Wellspring, it's pretty much a given that regarding point #2 you make, my name would come up as a primary culprit! However, I disagree that it is an imposition of solutions. It is always an offering and always in competition with anyone else who may propose a different offering. This is not to say that an offer will go undefended. If challenges are made, I always feel an obligation to defend what I offer since it is the result of reasoning, not whim. I've said that the 25 mph view is very important, but not that it's the ONLY important consideration. I've examined landscapes that are extremely interesting to explore at the slowest possible pace, but that fail in being quickly perceived and in their overall curb appeal. I love to walk around and look at these, but find they are usually dominated by gardening. This is not a dirty word in my book though some may think that's what I'm implying. But gardening rarely solves that problems that are demanded by the need for landscaping. My thinking is that landscapes should appeal at 25 mph AND at 1/2 mph. Regarding "what the poster wants"... My area of interest is landscaping, not gardening. And even though all the design forums here on Gardenweb are lumped together, I always click on Landscape Design and believe that's what I'm here to talk about. (I see this as a Gardenweb failing, lumping all these design categories together and not properly defining them.) For the most part, I believe that what posters come here looking for is landscape help because they lack sufficient knowledge in that department. Yet they often come with preconceived ideas about how to solve their particular dilemma. From the perspective of landscaping (not gardening) these preconceived ideas can range from underwhelming to atrociously bad. This is not uncommon. For the most part, lay people pick up their "ideas" about what to do from what they've already seen done. There are plenty of bad ideas out there to copy from and they are copied and proliferated ad infinitum. Usually when I explore subdivisions I notice that the preponderance of landscapes are modeled after bad examples; the "builders design" is what prevails. So when a poster proposes one of these underwhelming or atrocious solutions for their own yard, I feel a strong duty (again, entirely from a landscape perspective) to inform them that they are likely either leading themselves "down the garden path" or other posters are encouraging them to go there. Sometimes it's difficult to explain the importance of doing or not doing something a certain way and can't be accomplished in a single post. So generally, I might make a couple of stabs at it if I don't feel my point was properly comprehended. (I try not to use berating language, a nasty tone or anything like that... but as has pointed out, I can succumb to sarcasm! But it's intended in good nature.) If the OP is determined to go a wrong direction even after my couple of tries, I give up on them. Yesterday, I visited a homeowner who told me right off the bat that they wanted two newly planted oak trees (located mirror image on opposite side of a drive in front of a very traditional architectural style home) removed. In those same planting holes they wanted a pink crape myrtle on one side and a white crape myrtle on the other side. Well, gag me with a backhoe. Could I really just do as the owner asked without trying to counsel them out of that bad idea? I don't think so. But if said owner can't see the light, dammit, I will plant a stinking pink crape myrtle on one side and a stinking white one on the opposite... and hope that my name is never mentioned in connection with them. It is duty that requires me give an extra effort in an attempt to keep people from making mistakes. (Again, ALL from a landscape perspective... which I keep repeating as I believe this mixed forum structural arrangement inherently invites disagreements.)

I am not my husband but I can tell you why he would not consider the sex and times I offered> He felt that i was using sex as a blackmail to get him to wait on things he did not want to wait for in the community. He said we were trying to Ransom his life and he was not paying the ransom when The sex did happen it was in no way the way i wanted in 2013> He had just come home from three years of rehab after MRSA in his spine and its complications. Had been in a stress center for two weeks. because of an incident that happened in the Rebab in 2012 when his father told him he again thought he was going to have his way when what he was really going to do was shut his face and just accept what was decided for him and that did not include a vacation ever, He flattened his father with a stainless steel bed pan to his face and he threw a full urinal at me telling me i had nothing ever to say about holidays and vacations. HE was done and would kill the first person that got in the way of his rights when he was out of rehab. When He got out of the stress center it was on the worst possible evening, I was getting ready to go to an Awards dinner as a promise to his mother, father, and his fathers best friend. I started out of my room and ran right into his chest and His first comment home was good i was ready to go out, He had not been out in 31 years. Where were we going!. He Knew full well we did not expect him home that day. I broke down Crying telling him I had promised that evening six months before and I could not add him to the table at that late hour. He just said well it looked like His parents and his fathers friend may as well get used to broken promises just as he had the last 31 year. Back off this or that and i promised him we would have the sex life and vacation as well as the holidays he earned and wanted and then when i came time to keep my promise where did he end up again. Filling for someone else taking his time and I would make the same stupid promise again expecting him to fall for it. He said Now the Bill was due and I was keeping 31 years of promises to him before I even thought was keeping any to any one else.. I was trying to hand him a 100 and get him to meet us anywhere he choose after the event. I just wanted a Civil discourse why things had happened as they had> He was not going to permit it and ripped my outfit to shreds and had his way about sex. Then he went after his fathers friend when he arrived and called my husband a crip and told him to get out of his way he was entering our home< He Through the man over the rail on our deck landing him face first in the Drive right in front of his fathers car. We think he was intending the man land in his mother and fathers lap. Over the years for everytime he w3as interfered with from @001 to 2009 he made sure somebody hurt over it even if he had to ambush some body. I Never understood why when his father and others used weapons to force him to work the holidays, Or when His father put his passport in his safe deposit to make him stay and work vacations Why he could not just Do as was requested and Take the times offered in exchange Instead of wait until the incident was finished and he worked then he would show up with a machinist sledge and break parts of people for daring to hold a weapon on him. I saw what he did to one man who thought drawing a pistol when he appeared at his home was going to stop his pain, My husband shattered the right hand, his arm up to the shoulder bad enough he lost his arm, all because he had wanted a holiday off and they forced him in at shotgun point. IN 2014 On Memorial day his father offered him 200 to stay away until we called him home. Before the end of the day he's taking a reservation my name was on away from another friend and telling his father he did not care if he was invited where I was invited he was to His father slapped him and called him stupid, His father flew over the kitchen island with the full force of a full fisted backhand breaking his jaw. He Had To be stopped from making the doorman at the club from getting his face ground into the pavement after pushing him to a public sidewalk and into the street. On the fourth of July that year they used Ketamine in a drink he had and Dumped him 30 miles out of Tow intending tio go back and get him later, HE Did Nor wait to embarrass everyone sending state police in To Search for the drug after they pumped his stomach. Two Friends were arrested in front of their families wives and children. They called it a joke, The police called it abduction with intent to do bodily harm and not a joke dumping a man in the middle of a county road and leaving him there drugged not with his consent. If My husband would have just talked to us then those men would be home with their kids instead of paying in prison for a joke. IN 2015 We were going on a cruise to Cancun My Husband Did Not care he was again not invited withy his rule if i was then he was.. It Made his father so angry he intended to use a ball bat to send him back home and stop hi9s defiance. His Father was hit so hard with an Upper cut before he took his swing it broke his neck. Latter in 2015I was offering the First Christmas dinner as a married man in 33 years, at home, To keep tensions down I gave him his plate and told him to go out to the barn and eat out there and if he wanted more I would get it at the back door He hit me in the face with the full plate yelling at me he was not some dam hand to e given charity. It Was his table , the food he had supplied and he was not eating in the cold barn.. He made everyone leave under the barrel of a 30 30 and I just stood and cried thinking why did it always have to be so hard to gain just a little cooperation. IF just one year we could have gone without defiance about sex, his work, and time out of the plant I think something that he wanted could have been worked out. I know after we ran into the problems within two years of his return home about vacation time, We had come back from ROME with a plan to Find A vacation starting after the New Year in 1988. I was thinking a nice beach and hotel for the same two weeks off in time it was just six months away. He Wanted me to keep the two promises i had made the last two years About sex And The mos5rt recent was any time, any where and any way he wanted, I Would Be both a Willing sex partner and travel companion if he stayed behind for that girl and her lazy fiancé to marry in ROME. I was not expecting him to want to drop everyone else at his fathers house and want to point the nose of the Van to Wyoming and His Grandfathers where he was from 1239 miles to the west. He had been hounded to go out there with me to introduce me. I just did not want a three week road trip after traveling all night from Rome, Every suggestion we mad for six months away was shot down. He Said did we realize he had not even seen the3 sun in seven years, What would he look like on a beach, probably a lobster. He got in the sun the first time In 2014 and he burned within five minutes so bad he blistered. I had no idea years ago when he left the Boats that sun was now a allergy for him.

Wow,I definetly dont feel alone after reading everyone's thoughts on this.I am 33 years old, and I am to the point where I am very frustrated with my marraige and my husband. I have been married for three years, my husband has no desire in making love to me, or correcting the problem. He tells me he is going to make things better, but it never happens...instead, he prefers to drink his beer every night and go to bed. I have tried to get him to stop drinking, but he is an alcoholic..and it just made things worse, so I gave up. I am so fed up, but I do love him. I am not a cheater, so I have asked myself many times...Do I just need to go ahead and get out? I know three years isnt a long time compared to some of you ladies, but I feel the same way as yall when it comes to the pain and anger. I have cried many times because I feel I am not pretty enough, good enough exct. He had a great sex life with his ex wife...and she is anything but what I am. I have constantly tried to talk to him about it, we have tried the counseling thing, books, lingire, ext. In my past relationship, I was used to being one over, and made love to, but my husband cant even touch me...Uggggh. Im really to young to have to deal with this crap, but I dont want to leave because I love him, and I dont look forward to the pain I will have to go through when I do leave.....This isnt fair. I have tried to just take care of me, and play all the little mind games, but you guys see where it got me. He is laying next to me sleeping, and Im posting in a forum for women with this problem.....I feel sorry for all of us. After all we do for them,you would think that they could give us a little of their time. Geeze. Any more advice on how to deal with this? I have enjoyed reading some of the other posts.

Hey K-J, you are the 2nd Aries that I've met - that I know. The other person is an old friend from the "hood". We are still friends and he has always told be that to experience an Aries is to experience life. He basically told me to "hold-on and be ready for some fun and excitement. He's just as you described yourself - nutty, but not too much over the edge. I guess I'm that way a little myself - a true Capricorn!! I posted before on this thread, but had to chime in again. I was someehat involved with someone that I've known for some time. I guess we mutually, without saying, decided to try to make a go at it, and it really hasn't worked. Rather than disolve a friendship, we decided to skip the relationship part. It was a bummer because being with him was easy - no real expectations; just spending time together, doing some things every once in a while. It was good while it lasted, but as it began to grow into something else, he got cold feet and I became uncomfortable with trying not to move forward. Plus, I'm not so sure I want to move in that direction just yet. So, we are now just friends again. That's working and I'm glad. I say this only to say that part of the problem is that I've always been "one of the guys", and bad boys are my specialty, I guess. This person wanted someone a little more refined. You can dress me up and take me out and I can play the part (I actually like that), but sometimes I'm a little bit nuttier than most guys want. Most of the time bad boys seem to accept that part. I just had a conversation with someone about bad buys too. They are often so intense that they can see right through to a woman's soul. I think that's why a lot of women are attracted to them. They seem to know what it takes. Sorry nice guys. You are great too, but for me, I like to jazz it up a bit - do some fun things a little bit different than the normal dinner and movie.