Need help figuring this out

17 years ago

My SS is usually, overall, kind of cold to me. He will occasionally hug me or tell me he loves me but not often. He is just kind of neutral towards me, and I am probably similar. I hug him and tell him I love him every night before bed, but that's pretty much the extent of any physical interaction we have.

He has been disrespectful/mouthy to me in the past but DH has been *better* about putting a stop to that. I don't take that personally so much because I have heard SS around his mom and he is WAY worse to her, and he's also mouthy with DH at times, too.

I am almost NEVER alone with JUST SS. For example, every other Saturday when he is with us, DH works, and I have both the kids from 9-6. Here's the thing, though----when my DD is not around, SS morphs into this sweet, talkative, friendly kid with me. DD has an acting class from 10-11:30 every Sat. SS is SO friendly to me when she is not there.

Same thing this morning--my DD had a Father's Breakfast at her school this AM, so I got my SS ready for school, etc. while they went to that. Since it was just the two of us, he was SO sweet and friendly.

So I am thinking his coldness to me has something to do with jealousy of DD? Maybe he feels it is not his place? I don't know! Any ideas?

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (8)

kkny
17 years ago
My younger brother had 2 older sisters. He didnt even start talking till he was 3 (he now has Phd). I wouldnt worry, keep hugging him. Some children are less huggers.
believer
17 years ago
Is it possible that your SS feels that to show you affection in front of others is being disloyal to his original family? Sometimes kids feel that if they love a step parent they are being hurtful to their bio parents.
Related Discussions
Need help figuring out wallpaper quantity
Q
Comments (5)
How high are your ceilings? You need to figure out how long each piece of wall paper needs to be first. So if your walls are 8' then each piece needs to be 96" long + 40" for pattern repeat=136". Then how wide are the walls. If 77" then you'll need (77/27=2.85) 3 drops per wall. With 4 walls you'll need 12 drops of 136" each or (12x136=1632") 45 yards. Obviously you have a doorway into the room you may be able to get away with a little less, but probably not. Windows will potentially also save some room too. Then you need to make sure if the 11 yards is per single roll or more likely per double roll. Wallpaper is sold in double rolls. So you want to make sure you get enough double rolls to make it work. Of course if you have shorter or taller ceilings, then the measurement will change. And just make sure the repeat is correct as that is a very long repeat...40"...over 3 feet....
...See More
I need some help figuring out how to lay out this kitchen
Q
Comments (66)
If you use lisa_a's with 2 entrances to the pantry it may just vent itself easily as I'd imagine the pocket entry door to it from the garage may stay open or ajar frequently. You could possibly fit it in the bump back to match the entrance stairs. Fridges in garages are pretty common around here but we have more issues with freezing temps than overly hot. Otherwise I'd put it in that spot in the garage where the writing says small appliances for inside the kitchen. That's not far of a walk at all.
...See More
Need help to figure out rug size and other details
Q
Comments (24)
I don't mind the painted brick, but here's something that may look better. lose the mirror and replace w/a nice piece of art. Not a photo. You could paint the brick white, gray, or just get something to put right over the brick. this one pictured is a solid piece of stone cut to size and mortarted into place. diff mantle. similar mantle to yours painted a taupe shade w/black brick. Notice the matching color window trim. (you don't have any trim so adding this will do a lot for the windows) Also notice this mirror and what it's reflecting compared to yours. look at the accessories and how the colors, textures all work w/one another. I did a quick mock up of the white on white, no mirror, and a new fan. (this one is a driftwood gray, but you could do any type of wood tone) here's an example of the wood trim work (that matches your mantle surround) being continued up to the ceiling. Ditto this one in white. ignore the built in. if you did this all in white and painted your brick black, added some sconces and a really nice piece of artwork, that fireplace would become the focal point of the room. I vote for something like this. you already have the mantle. Just bring in some simple wood trim molding, sconces, art, and some window casing. Or, you can simply tile over that brick w/something else. I like this idea of a storage bench under the window (s). notice the fireplace surround and window trim Since the sofa is so large, I'd remove that corner chair and replace w/a tall plant. prob remove the kids stuff under the other window and look for diff storage. I also think the white consolde (and the tv above is hung too high) is just too much white. I'd get a diff console, wood or some other color, for some contrast. or something in a light wood. (this fireplace was skim coated w/cement or you could do a plaster
...See More
Need help figuring out who makes a Chandelier
Q
Comments (2)
https://www.gilandroyprops.tv/collections/lighting-hanging-lamps-chandeliers/products/white-tier-chandelier
...See More
imamommy
17 years ago
I'm probably not going to be much help but my SD does the same thing on Friday afternoons. If her mom can't be here to get her from school, I go pick her up and wait for BM to get here. From the time she is picked up until her mom gets here, she is 'my best friend'... even if she barely mumbled goodbye to me that morning. I have surmised that she is doing that because she wants her mom to show up and see how great she gets along with me since it makes her mom jealous to see that.

In your SS's case, I think it may be that he is not comfortable being affectionate or friendly around your DD. Maybe he feels threatened by her or doesn't want to step on her toes, like he's 'taking her mom' and so he backs off. There can be so many reasons why he does that but you should probably take him aside and talk to him alone about how you feel... let him know you like when he is more affectionate and talks openly and it confuses you when he is cold around everyone else. When he is acting cold, you can ask him 'did I do something to upset you?' and he may just snap out of it. I think the best way to get to the bottom of it is to talk to him about it directly and ask him how he feels and share how you feel.
finedreams
17 years ago
my nephew used to never hug, never kiss, talked very little to anyone, never show affection and never wanted to accept affection. my mom and I worried about him. he is 19 now and in college. he always gives me and everyone else a hug and a kiss, is very friendly and talkative and affectionate. overall fun to be around and we could never imagine he will be like that. so things change with age.
nivea
17 years ago
I've never been affectionate. Even hand shakes kinda freak me out, LOL. All of my close friends know I'm not a hugger and give me crap about it still. I have a saying about my lack of affection but it's probably too crude for here ;)

I guess just let him come to you as he feels comfortable. The only thing I thought of was does your DD and SS get along? Maybe he just doesn't like to show affection to you in front of her?
bradybunch6
17 years ago
both my stepkids are like that. They are both really great when it is just the two of us - any more than that and they all get crabby. Maybe they think they are being cool or maybe they don't want DH to think they like you too much - as in more than him. I'd just say take advantage of the sweet times. It makes the crabby times easier to deal with.
nicksmom
17 years ago
Our youngest acts out more when she feels like there's a need to compete for our attention. One-on-one, she's a gem. But sometimes when everyone is home, or if others are here visiting, she acts like a brat...I think just for attention. Maybe your SS is feeling like he needs to compete for your attention. It's nice that he gets some one-on-one time when your DD is at her theater class.
sylviatexas1
17 years ago
hormones?
being cool to impress your daughter?

Need help figuring this out

Comments (8)

kkny

believer

Related Discussions

imamommy

finedreams

nivea

bradybunch6

nicksmom

sylviatexas1

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US