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melandnelson

Hopes of future stepmothering

melandnelson
15 years ago

I was friend's with the man that I am currently involved with for eight years prior to the start of our relationship. Prior to our getting involved we talked about both wanting children and other stuff. He has a four year old and just recently told me that he does not think that he wants children anymore, after spending the weekend with his son. He says that he does not want to put his son through that, since he only has him on the weekends and would not want him to feel as he is not a significant part of his life. He asked me if I would be able to love his son the same as his biological son and I said yes. I told him that I would find it important to treat the children the same and make his son feel also as my own, even though he still has his biological mother that he is with during the week. He does not believe me and says that it would not be possible to treat them the same, I told him that I felt sorry that he felt that way and why would he want to be with someone that could not do that. He did not seem to have an answer for this. I was wondering, is this a normal thing for parents to go through and is there anyway to get him to understand that his son will be just as important if we make the effort to make him feel that way. Are there any books on this? I need something, because this may be the end of our relationship is he cannot come to terms with this. Also I don't want to try and make someone have another kid if they don't want to, but earlier in the relationship he did say that he wanted kids. My friend says that she feels the same way, so I don't know if this is something that is normal to go through. If not, I need to know so I can end the relationship and not stay in the false hopes of changing someone.

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