I had a nightmare experience with my former GC whom eventually fired. He was a total liar and a crook. And we are still trying to fix all of his mistakes. Not to scare you, but the excuses your GC made to you sound eerily familiar.. Whenever I questioned my ex-GC's unresponsiveness, he would make excuses like he had to take his son to the ER, then his wife had to go to the ER, then he was in a meeting all day, then son went to ER again for broken arm (a few days later, saw him and his son at the grocery store wearing no cast in sight) , then he lost his phone, then he had to have an operation, though he was fine and working the next day, etc., etc. Even if all excuses were true, it is indicative of someone who is not very "together", totally unprofessional and would have trouble managing a project anyway-- For my personal situation, I totally regret not firing him sooner when i saw the warning signs early on. FWIW, just wanted to say to you, to be very careful. Good luck to you!!!

"I can understand how CP feels she has to bear the entire burden at tiems."(sic) If you are referring to a "financial" burden, my DH pays a large sum of child support each month, more than enough to cover ALL of their groceries, clothing, CDs/games, activities and misc. expenses, etc. As for care of the DSSs (in addition to BM's DD), BM is lucky enough to have her parents live next door. BM is out of town a lot either traveling with her DH or taking her DD to national dance competitions, so DSSs spend a lot of time with their GPs and are frequently dropped off at BMs parents on Sundays after visitation. BM works part-time during the school year only, so she is able to be home when the children come home from school and has summers and holidays off with them. I am happy that DSSs enjoy such a great situation. It is quite a stark contrast to my situation, since DH and I (both professionals) work about 50+ hours a week, have no family nearby, so our DSs are in daycare/afterschool care, and we arrive home at about 6:30 pm every night. "Maybe since she was fronting the money for the downpayment she thought that the amount of the downpayment should be up to her. Maybe it worked better with her medical FSA." BM did not advance DH's portion. It is due to the orthod. I am not aware of a "medical FSA." As I said, there is no insurance coverage for this. DH pays 100% of health and dental insurance for DSSs but there is no orthodontic coverage. "That's the advantage of being the NCP who merely has to reimburse the CP for medical expenses. The CP has to actually pay the doctor or the orthodontist at the time of service, and the other parent can take his sweet time about reimbursing her." LOL at this one. You've got it all wrong. The "advantage" here is to the CP who went out and chose whatever orthodontic care she wanted then stuck DH with the bill. TOS, your bias is showing. You have absolutely NO basis to say DH is taking his "sweet time" in paying his 60%. I said the up front money is to be paid "immediately," and I've said NOTHING to indicate it will not be paid immediately. As I said, we HAVE the money to pay it. You really have to work hard to have that type of wilful blindness to the real issues--the fact that BM unilaterally chose: 1) when the braces would be put on; 2) by whom they would be put on; 3) the amount that would be paid for them; and 4) the payment arrangements, all WITHOUT consulting the person who is responsible for 60% of the payments. TOS, if you hope to have any credibility, you have to recognize that there are times when BMs are just WRONG.

"... even if I said I was leaving it would make no difference". So, leave. Clearly as Sylvia says, you have been relegated to "maid"- if you were a partner/spouse it _would_ make a difference. Why would you continue to be a maid for someone who doesn't care if you are there or not? IMO you don't have a marriage to give up on, more an unpaid job to quit. If you must be a maid, go and be one for someone who will not only pay you but care that you are there. Good luck, you deserve better than what you're currently getting.

OP here again, with the update Firstly, Elmer, I asked opinions from 'anonymous' people, because DH's background can help them crunch numbers. But we were ignorant about any 'protocol' that might be breached, regarding involving his manager. In any case, SIL did speak with his manager yesterday. His manager did not know the details and was wondering what was happening. SIL told him the terms of the offer, explaining his concerns. His manager did feel the starting salary offered to SIL probably couldn't be negotiated any higher. But he addressed SIL's concern of the slow housing market, possibly meaning the risk of having to pay 2 mortgages simultaneously. He agreed that HR should be more flexible regarding the terms of relocation, as the company has never moved an employee from that city before. (That was the main issue SIL pushed with HR, but to no avail.) SIL's manager mentioned again that he selected him, as he feels SIL is the best candidate for the job. He told him that he cannot personally override HR's offer, but can 'put a bug in their ear.' He urged SIL to not contact HR to turn down the offer, and to not back down on the negotiating. SIL got a call from his manager this morning, asking if he'd heard from HR yet. SIL hadn't, but got a call within the hour. It seems the 'miracle' I assumed was a long shot, occurred. HR said they would extend a 'slight salary adjustment' and agree to pay his mortgage if his house isn't sold by the time the rental provision expires. SIL was happy with that, and will sign the Letter of Offer! SIL has no idea what his manager may have said or done behind the scenes, (since he insisted he couldn't override HR's offer.) But the last call SIL got from HR was suddenly amenable to further negotiation. I wouldn't have asked here, if SIL should speak to his manager, if he planned to accept the position and was just trying to sweeten the deal. I believe bosses don't normally get involved in the negotiation process. But because SIL was going to turn down a promotion that his manager had specifically offered to him, I wondered if this would fall outside standard 'protocol.' I'm glad I did ask for opinions here, as it seems SIL's manager 'putting a bug' in HR's ear, may have made the difference. DD and family are now looking forward to their move. Thank you for your input!