My BF and I have been doing a LOT of talking about the future lately.

Sometimes it comes up in serious ways: "I've been thinking about the rest of my education. I'm probably going to have to move to another city for about two years to do a postdoc. How does that mesh with your vision of our relationship? Are you going to be willing and able to move with me for awhile? How will we keep a strong relationship with A__ for that time?" -OR- "They say that money is one of the things couples fight about the most. Could we please have a talk sometimes soon about money? I think we should be up front now about our financial situations, how we feel about spending and saving, how we feel about shared incomes one day down the road, and all that stuff."

Sometimes it comes up in silly ways: My sister and I were scrapbooking some pages for my Grandpa's Christmas present when she asked "Would you like to put a 'You and J__' page in the book?" and I replied "Oh, jeez, I don't know. Everything is absolutely amazing, but we haven't talked about if we're SCRAPBOOK SERIOUS!" She and I laughed our butts off at how funny it is to view the family scrapbook as an intense level of commitment. So when I was telling my BF about this, after the chuckling, it turned into a chat about committing to one another. -OR- "When we move in together, can we use the storeroom for storage of functional objects and treasured heirlooms instead of for cat excrement?" (his brother's cats have their litterbox in there and it's otherwise almost empty) "Well, you know, I was actually thinking of starting a dung collection and using that room as a display area for my prized and varnished acquisitions. But speaking of moving, I've been looking for a chance to ask you when you'd like to move in together?"

So from all this talking we've been doing lately, we're planning on doing some ring shopping this spring/summer, moving in together in about August (somewhere between June and October, but we quite like August), and getting engaged in the fall (well, sometime between June and next Christmas, probably fall). We don't know quite when we'd get married, but we like sometime before I finish my PhD, so within the next three years and will talk more about that when we're ready to ring shop and choose a firm date when we get engaged.

In all this talking, of course we've been talking a lot about A__. My BF has told me many times "You're doing great with him! Don't worry so much!" when I've asked some bizarre question or asked for feedback on my relationship with A__, so I knew I was doing OK. But in one of these recent conversations about A__ and our future together as a group, he told me "You've done so much more with A__ than I ever could have expected from anyone. You've been absolutely amazing with him; right from the start you wanted to get to know him and looked forward to seeing him, instead of wanting me to limit time with him or just not come around when he's with me. You've gone the extra mile for him every time he's been around and I think that's part of why he's so fond of you. When we started seeing each other, I knew that you liked kids and knew you wanted your relationship with A__ to be a good one, but I had no idea everything would turn out this well for all of us."

Holy crap! Talk about a wonderful thing to say to someone who helps you care for your child!

Some of the things I've encountered on this board have made me rethink being involved with someone who has a child, and some of the things on here have shown me that it can be a great success. When I come on here and I see challenges that other couples with blended families face, I think a variety of things. Usually my thoughts include one of the following:

a) Hmm. That's food for thought. I wonder if that problem could affect us? How can I prevent it and how can we deal with it if it can't be prevented?

b) Phew! Glad that will never apply to us, since our logistics are totally different. What a relief!

c) Whoohoo! I'm not the only one struggling with that one and I'm so happy to see potential solutions from other people!

But, the absolute number one thing I see here is that COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO MAKING A BLENDED FAMILY WORK!

And that makes me extra double happy that my BF and I have great lines of communication, that A__ is usually pretty easy to talk to, and that my BF is on pretty good terms with his ex. The mistakes and successes of others on here really drive home the importance of being up front with everyone involved.

So, thanks all!

Oh, and PS - two amusing and somewhat narcissistic things BM did this weekend: 1) She wanted us to stop at Tim Horton's when we took A__ back to her place on Sunday night to buy her a coffee because "she didn't feel like making a pot herself"... and 2) She called first thing Sunday morning to tell my BF that (this is a paraphrase of a twenty minute phone call) "A__ was almost out of Ritalin, and he has no more refills remaining. So he should make an appointment with the doctor, take A__ to it, discuss her concerns about A__'s medication with the doctor and report back to her on what the doctor has to say about changing dosages or to another medication so she can read up on it. Then if she's chosen a prescription she wants to switch to, she'll let my BF know so he can make another appointment and take A__ to it to get the new prescription prescribed, but don't forget that she wants the prescription filled at her pharmacy. And BTW she still doesn't see why he still doesn't want to switch to her pharmacy - it's only about 15 minutes further drive from his house after all."

All I can say is :)