Is your future MIL remarried?

I am going to an all inclusive club next year just me and my guy. A few family and friends will be attending. Why am I going there? For reasons just like yours. Want to come? Good luck to you. I am going the easy route so I dont have to ask what should I do.

Why can't they all sit at the table? My DF's parents divorced over 20 years ago and both remarried. Three years ago DF's brother got married and they all sat at the parent's table with her parents, also. For the most part DF's parents get along but his mother really doesn't like to be around his father if she can prevent it. They just didn't sit right next to each other. I think MIL sat beside step-MIL and things were fine. But maybe you could sit your MIL beside your parents or something? They just had to be civil for the day and act like grown-ups and things were fine. I would try to include all of them as best as I can. This won't be the last time you have to deal with a situation sort of like this. Think of any holiday gatherings you may have at your house. Or when and if you two have children and there are birthday parties and other events. They'll have to just be on their best behavior for a while.

In my opinion, the girlfriend should not be sitting at the parents table. She is not the stepmother. If your fiance wants her there and feels comfortable there, then ask her. Don't feel obligated to ask her to if you don't want her to sit at the table.

My future MIL is remarried, however her husband may not attend. I don't want my future MIL and FIL to pretend to be married, but I would like them to be at the head table, w/out the GF. My fiance thinks this may be too much to ask. The FIL is contributing some money, so I think it would be rude to exclude him, and if he is up there w/ his GF my MIL would be VERY upset if she wasn't up there too. Idealy I would like to have my MOH, parents, the BM, and future MIL and FIL at the table w/ me and my fiance. That is 10 people. I just don't know if that can happen.

Sarah -
Talk to your fiance's mom and his dad's girlfriend ...tell them that they are BOTH important to your and your fiance, and tell them that you will be happy to have them BOTH dining with you. 10 people is one bride and one groom, 3 parents for him, 2 for you and three others.

One way that is practical is to have the wedding party acting as host or hostess at the other tables: scatter them out.

Ig you think his MIL will be a problem, chat with her and remind her that he wants her there,but not to embarass him.

GF has no rights. She's the girl of the day (20 years or not). If Dad doesn't think she's worth the time ... why do you??

Most of the weddings I have seen have had the wedding party at the head table with the bride and groom. The parents were seated at a reserved table with other immediate family members; ie: grandparents, godparents, siblings of the bride and groom (that are not in the wedding). This seems like an easier arrangement than trying to place them at the head table, after all, it is your day and you and your fiancee should be the one's on display, not the parents.

My 2 cents.

When dh and i were married 29 years ago.... we had only 12 people in attendance ( and that included the priest). What's the big deal? Its thaat you and the person you love are making a commitment to each other. No other person needs to be involved. You can have a party after the fact to celebrate our union and anyone that can't make it ... ok.

It is YOUR wedding, not your FIL's, not your MIL's, YOURS!!! You shouldn't have to worry about MIL and FIL getting along. Your MIL is acting childish and silly. After 20 years she still cant get over it?! How is it YOUR responsibility to feed her need to be jealous. Your FIL and his GF have as much right to sit at the head table as your MIL and her significant other. So what if no one likes her, HE does and that is what counts!! If they can't get along then they will make fools of themselves, you'll have nothing to do with it. Let them do it and ignore them. Hopefully your MIL will grow up and be peaceful for the wedding.

If it were me, I would have the seating arrangemet like this:

FIL, GF, Mom, Dad, Step-FIL, MIL

Just put your parents between them all, if your step-FIL doesn't show up, then it's his fault! If your in-laws can't get along then its THEIR fault. Stop worrying and hope they can set their differences aside for the sake of their son's big day!

Good luck!!

I think if you separate the dad and his GF, you're asking for a BIG fight. Don't dis her just because she has never married the dad!

The other thing you could do is to have each set of parents at their OWN table--your folks, his mom, his dad, 3 tables. Then they can have their own family and friends w/ them, and the wedding party and spouses can sit w/ the bride and groom.

I'm w/ Pashan, too--I think that's a good idea. Surely they can be in the same room and find something or someone else to focus on!

As for showers, just ignore their differences. They can sit on opposite sides of the room.

If she is not engaged, she is not family, she may be history next week. IMO she should not sit with the family. The FIL can sit with her at another table if he chooses to or with the family.

Future advice here: I accepted my husband's ex wife at all of our family get togethers UNTIL and it was a BIG UNTIL. After that the kids invited everyone to the parties and we could come or not. It left it up to us to decide to go or not.

she's been around LONG time, Jonesy! over 20 years. That's more than the girlfriend of the month. and there's every indication that she will NOT be history next week.

She should sit w/ the FIL. In fact, even if he was just dating around, his date should sit with him, and he should be allowed to bring one. And FIL should sit with the family. Seeing as how he IS family.

Talley, you are right on the mark. If your 4th cousin 3 times removed brings a date, is she not allowed to sit with said cousin because she isn't family? Of course not! You're just asking for trouble and many hard feelings if you don't include the girlfriend. If you must be technical, in the eyes of the law (at least in my state) they ARE husband and wife (commorn-law of course). I think people stress too much over stuff like this. I don't care if someone has a "quibble" with another - I invite everyone and let THEM decide if their beef with one another is enough to keep them from coming. If so, then it's their problem NOT MINE!! I think weddings are the same way - if parents can set aside their differences for the sake of the happy couple then they are making fools of themselves. For years the family will be talking about how silly the parents of the couple acted at the wedding. That would be a shame.

I for one, have a step-daughter who's mother I am not really crazy about. I am sure she doesn't much care for me either, but we get along for the sake of her daughter. She and I have grown to respect each other over the past 9 years. Because my husband is very active in his daughters life and she is too, we are put in close confinement frequently. We would gain NOTHING by acting like fools, so we get along. ven though I bash her to my husband in private, hehehe!!

I just think this whole situation is over-thought... just put them at a table and let them sit where they want. Just say, "here's your table" and let the parents figure out where to sit. Give them about a month before the wedding to figure it out and just forget about it. Refuse to discuss it, put the ball in their court and leave it there!

another thought--be sure to seat them w/ or surrounded by comparative strangers, so they'll have to behave.