"When everybody except her is supporting her kids (her first husband, her mom, my DH and me) and she's living a better life than we are, then of course I don't agree to improve her lifestyle."

This is just a rant that I would like to get off my chest. It's not like some of your situations where DH is being dragged to court every week or BM ditches the kids at her mom's but still wants CS... but I just need to say "Arrgh!" about this selfish pattern!

My BF and I don't live together, so "we" don't really have finances, but we try to share expenses (he'll put gas in my car if I've been doing the driving all week, I'll show up with groceries for the weekend, he pays for dinner and I pay for the movie, etc) and that includes the time that A__ is around too. I don't just show up with groceries for me and my BF; if I stop at 7-11 or Tim Horton's, I pick up a treat for A__ too, etc.

My BF is not his son's biological father and was never married to BM, so he doesn't pay child support or alimony. He buys things for A__ when needed, splits soccer fees, etc.

She has a good job with the government, so works some weird shifts, but makes good money and has a ton of benefits for both her and A__. She bought a brand new house last year and drives a 3yo car. In comparison, my BF also makes good money and has nice benefits, but BF lives in an apartment condo (with his brother as a roommate/tenant) and drives a 12yo car.

A__ has FOUR different houses - BM's, my BF's, her mom's, and my BF's dad's. She relies very heavily on other people to take care of A__ and do "her job" for her and big-time mooches from A__'s other caregivers.

Here's a few examples:

A__ had been asking for months for a Wii. My BF bought him one, set it up at home, played it with him, bought a few games. When A__ told BM that "Dad bought me a Wii!" she called and said it should be a her house. "Did A__ ask for it to be there?" "No, but he never has friends over at your place, so it should be here."

So, thinking this was fairly logical, he took it over there and set it up (she apparently doesn't know how to use a simple AV cord). About a month later, he asked A__ if he and his friends have fun playing with the Wii at Mom's. "No, because Mom says we're too loud, so sends me and my friends to my room to play with toys" "Well do you play it by yourself or with mom?" "No, because Mom wants to watch regular TV in the living room and she says I jump around too much when I play"

Why, I must ask, is it there then? Yes, it belongs to A__ and he should be able to take his belongings where he wants them, but HE didn't want to move it and isn't allowed to play it there. Bah.

Back in the spring, my BF bought A__ a new pair of soccer cleats. BM asked for the receipt because she had found some on sale that were just as good. So he gave it to her. When he said "So, do you have some refund for me for the cleat exchange?" "No, I used it to put gas in my car and go for lunch."

He wouldn't have cared if it was "No, I bought him some new soccer socks and shinpads" or "Is it OK if I hang on to it until his back-to-school to use it for some new clothes?" so made her go the the bank machine down the street and get cash for him.

This summer he best man in a friend's wedding out of town (I was bridesmaid in another wedding party in another city at the time). BM was also invited, and so was a mutual friend. She and the friend were going to camp nearby because the hotel was pricey. When she found out he had rented a room, she said "Oh, well we'll just stay with you. Since there's two of us and we're both girls, we'll sleep in the bed and you can have the couch". He thought this was a joke, until she showed up with their bags! The friend discovered what BM had just done, said that was rude and they should go set up their tent. Luckily, the bride came to the rescue and said "Why don't you girls come bunk in with me tonight? We've got this room for two nights because we're using it to get the girls ready tomorrow, so you can stay in it the night of the wedding too."

A__ takes Ritalin. We live in Canada, so it's cheap to start with, and she has additional health care through work, so it's only a few dollars a month. She never fills his prescriptions though - she waits for her mom or my BF's stepmom to fill them and then says "Oh, I don't have time to go the the pharmacy. Can I take this bottle that you picked up instead?"

My BF's SM finds this incredibly annoying, but I don't know what her mom thinks of it. My BF doesn't fill A__'s prescription because he goes to a different pharmacy. She wants him to change pharmacies so he can fill A__'s prescriptions too and is mad that he won't.

She was setting up her Christmas tree and couldn't find her lights. My BF was going over to pick up A__ for the weekend and she called to say "Can you go to Walmart and buy me Christmas lights before you come over? I want A__ to decorate the tree with me." "No! I'll wait until after you go to Walmart and get them yourself before I come get A__ though"... She called him selfish and lazy.

We were going to the specialty cheese shop one Saturday in the fall. A__ is a cheese fanatic, so my BF called to ask if we could pick up A__ a little earlier than planned so he could come with us to pick his own special treat cheese. She said "No, because while you're there I want you to buy me some fresh spinach fettuccine, four cheese sauce and a walnut baguette. A__ won't care what you get him" My BF said OK, but asked her to pay him back when he picked up A__.

They were out of four cheese sauce, so we picked alfredo sauce instead. When she looked in the bag, she said (and I quote) "You got me the wrong kind of sauce. I'm not paying you for any of it" When he said "Tough cookies. They were out" she said that she didn't have any cash on her anyhow. He remembered this and said "No, you owe me $15" next time she asked him for something. He doesn't care about $15, but he cares about her being a jerk about it.

She asked my BF for money for new gloves for A__ this fall. A__ feels he's too old for mittens and wanted cool black ski gloves. It gets COLD here, so he gave her $40 for really good gloves. She asked my BF's dad for money for a new winter hat for A__ because his old toque was a bit small now and he wanted a cap with ear flaps. They gave her $30 for the cap he wanted. She bought his new winter jacket and her mom bought his new boots. This is all fine, A__ needs these things and she bought the good quality items with the money that all his caregivers kicked in... But, everytime A__ gets dropped off, he arrives without a hat or gloves and may or may not be wearing winter boots. If my BF picks him up he has to ask "Where are his hat and gloves?" and she begrudgingly gets them out of the closet. She tells him to put on his shoes and my BF has to interject "No, your warm boots, please."

Her mom, my BF's SM, and my BF talk on the phone quite a bit about A__ and his care, where he'll be that night, etc. So we know how much she does and doesn't have him. A few weeks ago, she had three evening shifts, so he spent Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights at her mom's (and that's fine). My BF was supposed to have him Saturday lunchtime until Sunday suppertime. We got a call from A__ on Saturday morning "When you come get me, I'm at Papa's not at Mom's" - according to BF's dad, she called at suppertime on Friday and asked if they could take him because she had last minute plans. So we got him from there instead (and that's fine). My BF called on Sunday afternoon to find out when to drop him off and she said "Can you keep him again tonight? I haven't had any time to myself lately."

No time to herself? WTF? She hasn't had her son for more than a few hours in six days!

A few months ago, it was her birthday. She asked my BF to take A__ for the night so she could go on a special date to a fancy restaurant. "Absolutely, I can take him that night, but I work until 6:30, so I can't pick him up until nearly 7. Will that work out for your reservation?" "Yeah, the reservation is for 7:30"

Then she called him at work at 6, wanting to know why he wasn't there yet. "Because I work until 6:30. Remember? I'll be there at 6:45." When he arrived at 6:45, she was in sweatpants with mascara all over her face, crying and yelling at him that because he was late and irresponsible, she canceled her birthday date and it was all his fault "and don't bother taking A__ tonight. You already ruined my birthday, so I might as well just keep him!"

He arrived at my place completely baffled, to say the least.

We had a cheese fondue the other night with a couple friends and watched the UFC pay per view. When she called that morning to ask when we were picking up A__, my BF mentioned this plan and I heard through the phone "Oh, I love fondue. I think I might invite myself over." "Why would you want to? You won't know anyone, we'll be watching the fight and you'll just complain the whole time, and then I'll be mad at you."

After this phone call I said "I don't mind of she comes, but I'm a little apprehensive that she'll show up here and be rude to me in your home" "Meh, she won't show up. And if she does, I'll kick her out if she's rude to you"

She didn't show up, but I thought it was classless and a little manipulative to say she was inviting herself.

I know these are stupid little things, but they add up to be quite frustrating and I needed to vent it.

He's usually pretty good about sticking up to her and saying "tough cookies" to things that are within his control... And he tries to minimize her negative effects on our relationship... And she's not nearly as bad as lots of truly nutty BMs out there...

So it's not a huge deal, but I feel much better now having let out my steam about these things!

Thanks all!