Happy New Year to you Mom 2 4!!!!

It is indeed unfortunate that some parents are so immature that they can only think of themselves and not their innocent kids. I think the only thing you can do is keep a good written record of everything that concerns this woman. More important than that is just to be there for your SD as you have been. It is so nice to see how this relationship has blossomed. I truly hoped that mine would do the same, but unfortunately, my SD was much older when I entered her life and I really had very little influence on her. Lord knows I tried. You have saved this little girl from a life of constant disappointment and God only know what else based on BM's history. Although it stressful to have to deal with psycho BM, you are indeed blessed.

Soo sad when BMs feel so insecure about their own situation as to tell the child such lies! My stepkids BM told us only weeks before she moved the kids 1 1/2 hours away! We moved about 4 years ago within 15 minutes of them (from about 30) to be closer and then this! I can't imagine someone dealing with 8 or more hours distance! The children are the ones who suffer. Little things, like dance recitals, games, etc that both parents can't attend when they live that far apart. Good luck to you and SD

Happy New Year to you MIStepmom! It's been way too long!
You are SO right that my relationship with my SD has blossomed. It took a while, but it has. Yippee for that!
I am so sorry that your SD hasn't really changed her ways. We need to catch up, don't we?

Stepmom to 2, we found out the hard way that a custodial parent has no legal right to notify the other parent in advance when they're moving, unless it's spelled out in the custody agreement. In our case, we just got lucky that BM was dumb enough to tell us way in advance. But our lawyer told us that she could have just called and said "We're moving to another state tomorrow. See ya" ...

I always knew that BM would begin to feel the real effects of her loss of custody and try to tighten her grip on my SD. I even predicted it would start after the holidays. I was right. It's happening ... she's starting to call every day now. And when she doesn't immediately reach my SD she gets frantic and calls every 10 minutes, using every number for us that she has! I see a show down coming! And, Lord help me, I'm going to have fun toying with this woman's psychosis!

Hello Mom24! Gosh, it seems like ages since I've been here! I am not surprised to see your post, that woman is a nut case!!!!

I know that in Ohio it is hard to change a custody arrangement that is working. After what you went through last time (beating the odds with the mediator) I have to say that you've got good chances of beating this nut again. She isn't going to look good to the mediator or judge this time around... What happened last time is a matter of public record.

I feel so badly for your SD, she's gone through so much, I wish she didn't have to do this. Her BM is a mean witch for putting her dear daughter through this. I am so sorry. I know that you will win and that you will make it miserable for her in the process. At least I hope you make her miserable... :-)

Good to "see" you again!!
~P

Pashan! How the heck are you? How are things? SO good to hear from you ... are you still working on the house? I bet it looks darned good by now, huh?

I think it's the same here, too. It's really *hard* to change a custody agreement when it's working just fine and the child is happy and well adjusted, which is all true. My SD only gets anxiety ridden after a phone call from her mother. And we're keeping a log of each phone call and my SD's demeanor before, during and after the call. We will do everything we can to save this child from her own mother.

Ya know what's funny? My SD's best friend was here when BM called this week. The best friend says to my SD "why do you talk weird and act so different when you talk to your mother"!! If that doesn't say it all, I don't know what does ...

I have faith that you will be the hero for your SD, she is so much better off with you guys, she knows it and so does her BM. Crazy BM just can't stand it, can she? I have confidence that you will win again if this goes back to court. Really these are the small battles. If you can raise your SD as a happy, well-adjusted, smart young lady, you will have won the war! My money is on you!

Did your SD realize she acted differently with BM before her friend said anything? I am curious as to how she answered her friend...

Please keep us posted on this loonie woman's actions. Maybe she'll realize it's beyond her reach now. She never has cared what is best for her daughter, she obviously still doesn't.

My house is starting to come together. I had a setback for a couple of months, my daughter and I were in a bad car accident. Off of work and off of my feet, I was unable to tackle any major projects around here. I am getting going now though. Kitchen and powder room are getting worked on now, main living area paint and master bed room next. It's so much fun!!!!

My parents bought us a new front storm door for Christmas. I want it installed so badly, but it's just too cold to do it so it is sitting in the garage. Our house is yellow with brown trim and garage door. The front storm door is a cheap white door over a gorgeous solid wood brown door with brown sidelights. YUCK! I wanted to tear it off the day we moved in and go without until we replaced it. DH wouldn't let me.

Oh, I guess this all belongs on the "decorating" forum, not here right?! Blame Mom24, she got me started :-)

~P

Oh Pashan ... I am so sorry to hear about you and your daughter. I am so glad that you are feeling better now. Wow ...

My SD's response to her friend was that she knows she's different with her mother, but feels she doesn't have a choice. When around her mother, she needs to become who her mother wants her to be, or she gets into trouble. I'm working on those self esteem issues with her, though ... I tell her that she needs to be true to only one person -- HERSELF. That she doesn't have to pretend to be something else just to make anyone else happy, not even her mother.

I can't tell you how frustrating it is to have a happy kid one minute then ...ring...ring... it's mommie dearest ... then we have a kid with a stress headache (her words) and whose self confidence has been knocked lower than ant poop. Everything my SD has accomplished goes **poof** for a few hours until she remembers that her mother is 800 miles away and she becomes herself again.

And Pashan ... I doubt this woman will ever realize anything is beyond her reach. She's too stupid to get out of her own way ... much less think of what's best for her own kid! Methinks we'll be doing custody battles with her until my SD is old enough to tell her mother "get outta here you nutcase" ... well, maybe not in those words ... but that's how I would say it! LOL!

Oh ... and did I mention that my SD observed for herself that her mother is afraid of her new husband? Afraid of him! Some healthy home environment, huh?

Hope you get your door put up soon! Sounds like you're back up and working like a tornado with all that painting. Whew! You're making me dizzy ... :-) And yeah ... I know this is the wrong forum .. but how's the new career?

"Everything my SD has accomplished goes **poof** for a few hours until she remembers that her mother is 800 miles away and she becomes herself again."

Post a map by the phone that shows "YOU are here" and "She is here" dots on it.

The kid is instinctively not rocking the boat - if you make her aware of it as a coping strategy, a guise she can put on when needed, and promptly remove, it might help.

There certainly seems to be a noticeable difference in her attitude, personality and self-esteem (she has some now). If she can see for herself that her BM is afraid of the husband and she herself realizes that she is acting differently with her BM, then you are making great strides with her.

I think in time she will move away from acting differently with BM and more towards her true self, the more confident self you've helped her find. I believe with the support at home, it won't be long before she stands up to her BM and says "no more". Maybe she could work on some tactics to "end" the phone calls early, for the times she feels really stressed and wants out. She needs a pre-teen version of "run outside and ring the doorbell".

It's key that she's noticed her mother is afraid of the husband, something the courts/lawyers/mediators might be interested in knowing when (if) you guys end up back at battle. I am very confident that this woman will not be able to change the arrangement at this point.

She's too stupid to get out of her own way ROTFLMAO - that is sooo true and absolutely hilarious!

OT - Career is coasting along okay. It's a slow time of year anyhow and after the wreck, I had to take some time off to recover and focus on getting us well. I have lots of "irons in the fire" though and am considering a change of brokerages right now. I have a few options and am weighing them all very carefully. There are lots of new, innovative ideas sprouting up that I'd like to get in on.

How is everything else with you? Drop me a line!!
~P

"Maybe she could work on some tactics to "end" the phone calls early, for the times she feels really stressed and wants out."

How about a "Thanks for calling mom, I have to go finish my homework now." statement.

Lazygardens, we have already done that. She's gotten quite good at tactfully ending these phone calls, so they generally don't last longer than 10 minutes. But you can do a lot of damage in 10 minutes ... especially since BM sometimes calls 3 or 4 times a week.