Listening

17 years ago

I need help with my 9 year old. I feel like I have to repeat everything for him to listen. And it is so hard to keep my cool at times.

This morning I told him to go brush his teeth for instance. He just sat there. I repeated myself and he got up and went and grabbed some toy and started walking around. I repeated myself again and he finally went.

Last night I gave him clothes to hang up in his closet. They were already on hangers. I reminded him to push the other clothes in his closet over to give these clothes a space instead of cramming them in. When I went into his closet later to get out something for him to wear for school today he had crammed his clothes in. I had to fix them all and made him stand and watch me do it so he knew how.

Then this morning I was doing laundry before they went to school and I handed him one pair of pants to hang up. I reminded them of how he saw me hanging up clothes and told him to do it that way. He then said "maybe I will just put these on my closet floor". I looked at him and asked him why he would say something so rude. He said he was kidding and I told him it was not funny.

He just does not listen. Everyday when its time for homework he argues. Then he cries EVERYDAY! When he has a test to study for he whines the whole time we are studying. If I try to help the other kids with their homework right away he needs my help again. If I ask him to read something he tries to mumble the words instead until I am ready to scream!

I have tried complimenting him when he does good. I have taken away video games which he loved. I make him stay afterschool for homework help instead of coming straight home from school because he will not cry for them. He gets right to his homework! With repeating things I have tried to only say something once and wait for him to follow it. Rarely does that work!

Any ideas???????????

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Comments (4)

amber904
17 years ago
We have 5 kids and they all do the same thing!!!!!! They are all around that age. The advice I would like to give you is:
1. This is normal for most kids so don't worry.
2. They will eventually grow out of it so don't worry!
3. Do NOT give in when they act this way.
4. Stay constant so they know what you will do when they act this way.
5. If he doesn't want to do his homework, remind him not only of the consequences he will have at home but also the consequences he will have at school. That is the one that really affected my kids because they care so much more about what the teachers think of them than what we think of them :)
Just remember, one day they will be all grown up and we will wish the problems were still this simple!
liesbeth
17 years ago
My SD10 is behaving pretty similar. She just DOES NOT care!
Her room is a total mess and she does not look after her stuff. One of her chores is to clean her room up every other Sunday, and for her that means to chuck everything in the bottom of the cupboard and quickly close the door. Her clothes? She just stuffs them in a drawer and pushes it till it closes. Dirty or clean, all mixed together. As I said; she just does not care. I used to sometimes get in there and do a clean up, when I got too itchy, but now I'm sitting on my hands and I just close the door.

I do check for food leftovers, just in case, because that is another issue, but that is it!! If she wants to wear dirty clothng; be my guest. If she wants to wreck her stuff, not my problem. Once she gets interested in boys I'm sure she'll want to wear something clean, so I guess it will change then. Until then, I keep closing that door!

And with the Sunday cleaning the room chore; we do have a consequence for when SD10 does not do it properly. All chores are a AUD$1.00 and the girls have 5 chores, so 5 dollars per fortnight pocket money. If they don't do the chore; they don't get that dollar. Works like a charm for SD12, SD10 does not give a sh*t. She knows that BM will buy her what she wants anyway. I can't stop or change that; so we just do what we can and stick with our own plan.

And when it comes to crying; I agree with Amber. Do not give in. SD10 cries when she does not get her way; and she cries when she can't find something and we don't help her look for it. We do not go for it. She can go and cry in her room; we don't want to see it, so just close the door and come out when you're done. SD10 has learned over time that we really mean that, and she's doing it a lot less now come to think of it. But the room is still as messy as ever..

Oh and I don't iron her clothes. If she doesn't look after her stuff than I will not waste my time on it either. SD10 knows this and also knows that I'm more than happy to iron her stuff if she can show me that she can put it away normally. And that is not mean-spirited, we're pretty calm and factual about it so SD10 sees that it's not bothering US in anyway.
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perdue2
17 years ago
My children are a bit older, but I see the same behavior. My DD is the exception, she is very neat and organized to the point I think she is OCD sometimes! Why,I'm not sure. But my SD is a totally different story! To say her half of the room is a disaster area is an understatement. It is almost funny to see the two girls trying to co-habitate in the same room! Remember "The Odd Couple"?

When I see it getting bad, this is what I do; I collect everything that is out of place and put it in a pile in the middle of the floor. If the drawers are a mess, they get dumped in that pile too. She is not permitted to do anything else until the things are put away as they belong. To help work with her, I gave her bins to put the things she'd normally just throw all over the top of her dresser. These get cleaned out once they start overflowing, same as the rest.

Now I have recently stumbled upon something with her that we might be able to use to our advantage! She got upset the other day about brother using an item of her clothing, normally she just doesn't give a sh**. It was a belt that SHE had purchased with the money she'd EARNED doing chores. I'm thinking that I might start making her buy her own clothes. It seems that if it's her $ buying things, she takes better care of them. I think I'm going to tell her that if she does not start taking care of her clothes, I will buy her only basic t-shirts, pants, etc. If she wants something more fancy or stylish, she will need to buy it herself. I may even extend that to other items as well.

What do you think? Sound harsh? I'll try just about anything!
amber904
17 years ago
Good Idea about the buying accesories, ect. And IRONING??? Ha, that doesn't happen in this house! lol

Listening

Comments (4)

amber904

liesbeth

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perdue2

amber904

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