double standards

19 years ago

Hello,

My husband is the kindest man on this planet and how he ever hooked up with his crazy ex wife is beyond me.

Tell me what you all think of this because after living with a man who has really been through the wringer, I have really developed a sympathy for men who do not have custody of their children, but also then get slapped with a ridiculous amount of child support.

I too am divorced with 2 children, but my ex husband and I agreed that neither of us would swap child support because this way neither household would be strapped. We also divide up all of our kids' expenses 50/50 and it works very well.

My husband and I had his youngest living with us until a couple of months ago. In his parenting plan he agreed that his ex wife would not have to pay any child support to us and that we would pay for 100% of his expenses, and there were some quite large medical bills and education related expenses, but it was just so worth not having to fight with her over her little share.

Well, when her support ran out for the older daughter she started calling our house every day working on the boy to go live with her. He would get off the phone so stressed, taking deep breaths. Before that she'd call him about once every two weeks, but then she started calling sometimes more than once a day. Finally he broke it to his dad that he wanted to go live with his mom. Well, now that he's living with her she wants child support.

We are still willing to pay for all of his expenses and are also supporting the living expenses for the older daughter who is now in college. We just thought that it would be fair to just expect her to basically bathe and feed him and we'd pay for clothes, educational expenses, medical expenses etc. and also continue to pay for the older daugher's living expenses at college.........but we know that courts are sympathetic to mothers more than fathers and that we'll probably be paying child support (even though their household income is equal to ours and they live in a much newer and bigger home than we do. It just seems that it's reasonable. We hate giving her a child support check and then also buying everything because she never has the money to payfor expenses because she spends more than she has......even when she's receiving child support.

Oh yeah........not only did she take the kids away, but she's the one who had the affair with the man she's with now and now wants to slap my husband in the face with child support too. She didn't want to pay child support when we had him, but now expects it when she has him. That's the double standard that irritates me!

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Comments (3)

laurels4u
19 years ago
I've experienced the same thing with DH & his EW. DH paid a large amount of money/month when SS was living with BM. When SS went to live with DH (before we married), BM didn't have to pay anything because she was divorcing the man that she left DH for and cried poor. Now that DH & I are married, SS is living with us and BM wants SS back for the paycheck. I also hear the so-called secret phonecalls that go on with SS & BM after DH leaves for work in the morning or before he comes home at night. She's working on SS to go live with her promising him everything he wants but DH is too scared to stand up to either one of them. (But that's a whole other issue that I won't get started on.)

BM does buy some clothing for the boy and to boot, the items are always brandname, expensive clothes and shoes or items from PacSun (which isn't cheap). But she claims she can't afford to give DH/SS even $20/week in CS. But she'll pay $80 for a pair of shoes that the kid can only wear every other weekend. To make matters even worse, BM won't let SS bring the clothing home OR if he is allowed to wear a T-shirt or pair of pants back home, she wants them back washed! He isn't even allowed to have them at our house! Like a 33-year-old woman is going to wear an 11-year-old boy's clothing and shoes!

The whole thing is completely unfair and nothing more than a scam and a huge double standard. I *completely understand* your position (my DH even supported EW's daughter while they were married but he at least cut off monetary support when EW left him for another man), and I wish you well and hope your situation works out well for you!
jerseystepmom
19 years ago
You may have to pay a lawyer some money, but it sounds worth it! My husband and I have his 15 y/o son and his daughter lived with her mom. Once the daughter went off to college, we went to a lawyer to get to stop paying her support (she had no kids, and we had one, so why should we pay her!). We didn't want money from her, just didn't want to keep giving her money. She opted to not get a lawyer, so not sure how it would have turned out if we actually went to court.....but we did get to stop paying her money. They still split extra bills (we do clothes), like tennis lessons, dr. bills, etc. at a split agreed to a few years ago when they divorced.

I would definitely recommend fighting her on this -- especially if she is looking at the child as a meal ticket. If she thinks that way, she can't possibly be truly concerned with his well-being....
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sherilyn08
19 years ago
I agree there is definitely a double standard going on when it comes to men having to pay child support.
I think you and DH should tell EW that if you have to pay child support,you will not continue to pay for everything else as well. If EW is at all smart,she will not push the issue,and want son to move back in with you. Why? Because it costs more to raise a child yourself then it does to pay support. Support is usually income-based. If she is using the son as her meal ticket,then let her find out the hard way.
My ex BF only had to pay 40 dollars a week in child support. His ex soon found out that the measely 40 dollars she got was nothing when having to buying the food,clothes and other things for the child. So,she had her son move in with us!

double standards

Comments (3)

laurels4u

jerseystepmom

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