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Is there hope for me?

14 years ago

Hi All,

Found this forum and thoguht it would be a good place to vent. Sorry for the long read, but hopefully someone here can help me.

I am 30 years old, and for some reason, I just can not find anyone out there for a companion.

All my life, I have looked forward to meeting someone, settling down, and having a family. The problem is, I just can not find anyone.

I have tried everything from the online dating services - I have gotten many first dates from those sites, but they either see me and decide they don't want to go any further, or I don't like them for whatever reason. I even went so far as to join a dating service that cost me over $900 - that was 4 years ago, and I had no sucess.

I learned very early on that going to a bar, I am NOT going to meet the type of girl I want to meet. Several years back, I even joined the singles group at my church in town, but I was 23 at the time and everyone there was in there 40's and older.

I just don't understand why I can not find a girl out there who wants to give me a chance.

What makes things even more depressing, is that everyone else in my family is either involved in a relationship that they have been in for years, or married and starting their families. My cousin, who is 4 years younger than me, married 4 years ago and had his first baby over a year ago. Another cousin, who is only 22, has been involved with the same guy for over 2 years, and the way they are talking, THEY will end up married soon.

I just came back from my Grandfather's funeral, where I saw realatives I have not seen in years, and I must tell you, it was very depressing seeing that every single one of them was married or involved in a relationship of some sort, and then there is me, still single, at 30.

My 10 year high school reunion was 2 years ago, and after seeing everyone who signed up on the website, and seeing how they were all married, had kids, ETC. it just made me so depressed that I didn't bother to go. When I looked this far ahead to where I thought I'd be right now back in 1996, I pictured myself married, owning a house, and having 2 or 3 kids.

But for some reason, no matter how hard I try, it just has not happened that way.

People tell me I am being too picky, but I want to find that special someone who I will be married to forever.

I need someone in my life who I can talk to, who understands me, and the way I feel about things.

I have virtually NO ONE in my life that I can talk to, and feel comfortable, who will actually understand me. WHY, I have no idea, I have just never found such a friend, but let me tell you, it sure would be nice to be able to talk about what I have been through over the years and be able to cry on someone's shoulder (Yes, some men do that, LOL)

I just don't know how to go about it anymore. I don't have a whole lot of self confidence to begin with, but a factor that's also not helping me any is that I weigh 350 pounds, and not may girls like people like that.

Everyone keeps telling me to just hang in there and I'll eventually find someone. but when? I have lived here now for the last 9 years, and have not even remotely come close to hitting it off with anyone I feel comfortable with. It's like they just see me and run.

I really just feel lke no one wants me in this world. I moved over 1500 miles away from my home to be with my 2 sisters, who never really accepted me the way I thought they would, and here I am 9 years later, with no chance of any type of companionship anywhere in sight.

Why this has to be my life I will never know, but hopefully someone, somewhere, can give me some advice.

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