Be assured there are wonderful, friendly people almost anywhere you may choose to settle. They're all around. Do what you do and be the best person you know how to be. You'll soon find yourself in a familiar and comfortable place among people who know you and like you. Unless you're a sour old grump, it will be almost automatic.

I hear you Asolo, and I agree that's the theory. I haven't found it to be quite true in practice. I've lived in at least ten different cities in my career/life journey, and three different states. Some places I've found community, some not, and I was the same sweet me everywhere I went. :-) Seriously, I'm a very community oriented person. So I'm wondering how others have found this to be in their lives. Friendly or not, some jobs just demand so much that there is simply no energy left to get out and make the new friends, plus I do think it gets harder in middle age. I talked to a girlfriend this weekend who was single until 40, she's now 50. She said she thinks community is actually quite a rare jewel. Not impossible to find, but rare.

I feel for you, lpm. I moved here (Philadelphia) in '97 for no particular reason, after bumming around a bit, mostly in the area of Central Jersey where I went to college. It has been a good move.

I run into people I know in the street. I meet people who know people I know. If I meet someone who's new in town, chances I can give them advice on where to eat, where to shop, where to go for good music. Chances are I can do a connecting email to another acquaintance or so of mine and say "x just moved to town and is looking for a job/apartment/community garden/rock&roll band in search of a drummer, can you help?".

My fiance dreams of escaping the city polution & bustle. He wants quiet and clean air and freedom from clogged streets and trash. I feel the pull of the rural too. But I have a home here.

I always thought I'd end up in the country some day. Near a river or a pond or a lake and hills and deer (what gardener actually misses deer???) and bunnys and chipmonks. I want to live in the country. But can I take Roseanne with me? Isabelle? How about Lynn & Rob. And Ennis & Phil & Elspeth? What about Starbucks Coffee & Ritz Movies & Afghani food & Vietnamese food? Can I find all that in the woods?

I wish I had an answer for you. I wish I had an answer for me.

May we all find happiness.

Hi Carrie!
I never imagined I would live on the east coast, and certainly not in a metro area. The new job is out in the country, although near some med. sized towns and would require travel to urban areas. I've lived rural and urban. I lived in a Philly suburb for over three years. I once lived in a gorgeous touristy place out in the country, but worked with horrible people, absolutely the worst group of hypocrites I have ever run into. I flew into Philly during that time to attend a friend's wedding. The airport is in such a grim part of town. But my friends here are the warmest bunch I have ever encountered anywhere. I wondered how the beautiful spot could have such ugly people, and how chaotic, gritty Philly could hold such a great community. But I have a single friend who lives out in the Philly suburbs and doesn't like it at all. He's great at making friends too. There's a lot of variation in "The City of Brotherly Love."

Everyone tells me "your friends will always be your friends," which is true, but there is no comparison to the relationships you have with people you see every day or every couple months and folks you see every couple years. When you move as much as I have, everyone starts to fall into the "every couple years" category and you never get much of a feeling of belonging anywhere.

But still, ya gotta eat first! :-)

I think you are wise to pose the question. personally I have made the decision in the past to leave becuase I did not have that much of a support system where I was. a job, even if it aggrandizes wealth and ambition, does not keep one warm. And if demanding, will really require your support system to be nearby. I would not uproot myself if I didn't have to. I have seen very smart people make career decisions based on more emotional reasons and I have found those people to be the wisest and most mature. Maybe there is a creative career solution right in your own backyard :-) all the best...

Since you asked for opinions, here's mine. Take the job offered and move to your parents' area. Consider the possibility that the universe is guiding you back there because you need to be close to your parents right now. Look at this as an opportunity to treasure the time you have with them.

True, you may not make a circle of friends while you're there. That would be almost too much like a 1970's sitcom. Rarely do loose ends gets tied up that neatly and happily.

Also true, it will be hard to maintain your current friendships. I've found that out of sight generally *does* mean out of mind. And that sux. But maybe right now isn't supposed to be about friendships? Maybe it's about family?

Anyway, that's what jumped out at me when I read your initial post.

Karen