I gave both of my kids a grad party when they graduated from HS. Both were essentially the same. Sunday afternoon around 2 pm. Lots (LOTS) of munchies - chips, dips, veggies, cookies, brownies, cheese, that sort of thing. No activities were planned. I invited my close friends, and they invited their friends. I served wine for the adults, cokes for the kids. Everyone sat around munching & schmoozing and a good time was had by all. Simple. For gifts, I recommend things that have to do with the college they will be going to (for those who are going). T-shirt, sweat shirt, rug for dorm room, blanket, etc, with college logo. If they are going away to another city, books with information on that city. Mostly my kids got checks for gifts, but a few people gave them what I just named above and they liked those gifts a lot.

To add a little more info to what I posted last night I must say that the meeting was much more calm than I had anticipated. DS's math teacher was very mild mannered in my presence and seemed a bit nervous. The Principal took her side where the confrontation between DS and she were concerned. Not too surprising there. I do know that DS can be hot tempered and his frustration over his learning disabilities gets the best of his at times. He needs to learn to control himself. The Principal said that he had complaints from other students about how DS had spoken to the teacher. There may have been students that complained but I rather expect that it was students that are in the clicks of the "Holier than though" group that are very judgemental and the DS doesn't get along with on a daily bases any way. This is a Christian school and what we have found is that if you don't have money, don't play sports and aren't on the honor roll you don't fit in. Never mind that those kids may very well be the biggest drinkers and the most sexually active in school. Not what I was expecting a Christian school to be. I have told teachers there that they can teach the students the Bible, insist that they memorize the verses but cannot insure that it becomes embedded in their hearts......off on a tangent there...sorry. Last night DS felt like he had lost the war since he was really hoping that I would yank him out the school. I had to explain to him that he had to look at the big picture in little increments. He had won one battle thus far and that was to be taught by his tutor for this class. As soon as he decides which school he wants to attend we can move forward there. So it is one step at a time. I also told him that even though he didn't get everything that he wanted he was learning valuable lessons here and that it was a growing experience. I was happy with his coach. I was happy with his counselor. They both complimented DS on his kind heart and ability to express his feelings in an articulate manner. I told them that for him to be able to humble himself and apologize is a big deal for him. That although it doesn't have anything to do directly with his outburst towards the math teacher he has a great pain in his heart from his father and the fact that they have not spoken in over 3 years is just under the service for him and is something that I feel fuels his anger. He also will not just say the words to apologize, he will search his heart until he come to mean it and then he will speak to the teacher. To get him to graduation is the goal. I feel that he has many teachers at this school that have grown to really love him. His math teacher is new, only having taught a couple of years. He has been a challenge to her and I think she has been caught totally off guard by his situation. Do I think she could have done a better job? Yes. I was in college for a few years in education. I was headed in the direction of working with the kids that were hard to reach. As a teacher's aid I worked with the pain in the butt kids in class and had wonderful results. They did not intimidate me. I think DS did intimidate her. I'm sorry that DS hates school sooo much. He may not be completely happy in another school. I told him that he has to look beyond that and have faith that if he places his trust in the Lord that God will guide him. There is a plan for him and this time is just a flash in the pan but necessary to help ready him for future situations. I told him that at his age kids think that "When I am ..... years old I'll finally know everything." That is not true. He is expected to continue to learn his entire life and he will learn that some of what he thought he knew was incorrect or that there is so much more to it than he ever imagined. I told him that God designed it that way and that when he stops learning he will stop living and that won't be for a very long time. He is a good kid. He has more challenges than most but he can do it. I will be beside him, behind him and sometimes in front of him his entire journey......He is my son and I adore him....blemishes and all.

It seems like at that age maybe the scoring should be left to paid officials. I don't know much about the game or anything about the scoring, but I wouldn't want to be drafted to have to keep score or referee a sporting event for my son especially since I have to take care of a toddler at the games. Do most sporting events in your community count on parental involvement for score keeping -- refereeing, etc. I would think parental scoring may not even be considered "fair" by some. Does the other team have a separate score keeper? How do the other teams do it? I still feel for you that you have to handle it all. Who would normally be involved in the scheduling the scorekeepers and who would you tell if you really couldn't make a game? Is there an Athletic Director or someone from the school that should be handling the scheduling of it? If it is your husband's responsibility since he's coach I would just have him send out a letter telling everyone they have to score (or find someone to score) for "this number of" games and that they should put down their first, second, and third choice of dates. Preferences will be given in order of receipt (or by lottery), and dates may be assigned that are not requested. Make sure to note that it is their responsiblity to switch dates with someone or find a substitute if needed. Although, I still think that having the parents pitch in some cash and hiring a paid score keeper (even a kid) may be the best answer. Maybe you could individually give them the option to pay for a scorer, or to just do the scoring themselves.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond and give me good advice. You pretty much confirmed that what we are doing is right--just "being there," keeping things light, not making a big deal out of this to DSS. KKNY, you don't know me, yet you read the worst into what I said, in the meantime, ignoring all of the clearly positive aspects of it. Perhaps I should read the worst into your post to point out that you did nothing more than take an opportunity to further what appears to be your "mission" to attack the SMs here. If you really wanted to help, as a BM, you could offer some constructive advice. But if you did that, you might actually help IMPROVE a step situation, which would REALLY run counter to your "mission," now wouldn't it?? For your information, and for anyone else who is wondering, I made the point that they are not "good enough" to make their middle school team (yes, they had try-outs and DID NOT make it) to show that this "team" they are on is just a step above "pick-up basketball" in the neighborhood. It is something they do for fun and exercise, but b-ball is not a sport that either of them particularly excel at, nor is this league something that is that important to them vs. time with their father, which they need, NOW MORE THAN EVER, IMO. It would be like DH telling them he can't do visitation one weekend b/c he has a church league b-ball game. If DH has to miss visitation for work (which almost never happens, as even though DH is a lawyer and works MANY hours a week, he puts in extra hours during the week so he can take off the weekends and be with DSSs), or if DSSs have to miss for school, church or some other activity that is really important to them, that is another matter. And this is not MY original sentiment--I am actually parroting what DH says, and HE certainly is allowed to make statements w/o having bad motives ascribed, ISN"T HE, KKNY??? The point I was trying to make is, there are some activities that really "justify" missing visitation, and others do not and are an "excuse" which is a symptom of a problem. If we suddenly agree to skip visitation everytime there is something going on that one of them could possibly do, we might as well tell them to "have a nice life" as I suggested above. I probably should have mentioned that DSSs have played in this league for years and have NEVER had a problem missing Sat. games for visitation, so it seems obvious it was an "excuse" this year. Also, they both are VERY VERY good at other things, and we support them. DSS 14's soccer team went to the state championships last year. DSS 12 has only lost a few wrestling matches IN HIS LIFE! So, when it comes to soccer and wrestling, we understand that they can't miss and work around those things. Someone mentioned "walking on eggshells" around SKs. That is the real irony of KKNY ascribing bad motives to me. For 9 years, I have gone out of my way to try not to say anything that would be upsetting to DSSs. When they do things that I would correct my son on in a minute (like eat chocolate chip cookies, brownies, etc. dropping crumbs all over the kitchen instead of over the counter, pouring a large glass of the last milk we have in the house so that there is none for anyone else) I do not say ONE WORD. I remind myself that I am glad they like my cookies, and I'm glad their drink of choice is MILK over soda. Of course, I would think nothing of telling DS 6 not to do that or anything else. But I don't want to do anything to make them feel "picked on" at our house. So it is almost LAUGHABLE to me that someone here would say I made a "dig" at DSS 14 over not being good enough to make the middle school team. Also, I feel badly for DH b/c he is truly one of the best dads one could imagine. Someone asked that recently on another thread. My DH is a wonderful DH and an amazing dad. When DSSs were little guys, he bathed them, dressed them, complete care. (He bathes our 2, does diaper changes, etc.) DSS 14 plays guitar and when his band played for his school recently, DH took the morning off work to be there. (4+ hours round trip for a 15 minute assembly, but again, he loved every minute of it.) He also takes DSSs INDIVIDUALLY on father-son weekends each summer. (For past 3 years, DSS 12 and he have gone to father-son wrestling camp; DSS 14 and he have been to father-son baseball camp and pro football Hall of fame.) DH loves to laugh and has a very witty sense of humor and always keeps things light. I just read this response to DH in its entirety and he agrees with everything I've said. I think I'm going to end this with the sentiment that the fact that DH and I are on the same page and have a STRONG, HEALTHY, HAPPY marriage will get us through this. Thanks again for all who posted on this. Have a good day.