How does the other couple handle it? Do they put out "just enough" or do they make sure there are leftovers?

If you're entertaining others, IMHO, you need to be hospitable (otherwise, what's the point?). If the reason behind limiting food and drink is to watch the budget, I think you might be better off serving more of less-expensive snacks, reducing get-togethers to maybe twice a month (once at each location) or finding some other venue for getting together that does not call for food.

We generally just meet at our house and our friends bring snacks with them when they can (their budget is extremely limited). Some of the factors coming into play are that our friends come over around 7:00 p.m. Primarily, we are talking about one couple and their two sons (one of whom is a teenager with their legendary appetites). It is not uncommon for us to talk until 1:00 a.m. Sometimes kids eat out of boredom or just because it is there. I generally try to provide a big pitcher of lemonade, a pot of coffee, a jug of iced tea and a sweet and sometimes something that is not sweet. I just hope to strike the proper balance in my hospitality offerings.

I do not see anything wrong with limiting the amount of food that you offer your guests. Everyone does it, and their budget chooses to what extent. Unless they are very good friends, no one says, "here's my kitchen, help yourself!".

Budgetary restrictions are a fact of life. For teenage boys, consider a large bowl of popcorn. This can be flavored in many ways, other than just salt and butter. Various spices can change the flavor, so it's not same old, same old. Cost is relatively low. Another solution to putting out more food, would be to cut the pieces smaller. Make smaller cookies, cut the brownies or cake smaller.

Friends with budget limitations understand that you may have them as well. Hospitality is not decided by what you feed your guests. And those receiving it have some responsibilities as well. Sounds like hubby may need a talking to however. =0)

Mil

You do sound very stingy to me. I think you should provide plenty of food, although it doesn't have to be expensive food. For instance, enough cookies for everybody to have (if they want) at least 3-4, then unlimited amounts of popcorn, which costs almost nothing, and lemonade, which also costs very little.

To me, it is more about the mindset involved than the money. Are you rationing because you are saving money so you can have something for your family? I'm not talking about medical bills or medicine, just wanting more: vacations, tv, cable, furniture, nice cars, etc.
I guess I always think that when you have a giving, generous spirit, it will come back to you in ways you can't imagine.
Invest in people and they will be there when you need them.

I don't think you sound unreasonable by limiting the amount of food you serve. It's not just about money, it's also about people making pigs of themselves - when given the chance. Gluttony is still one of the sins, the last time I checked (although you'd never know it in this "Super-Size" world). It's also very poor manners to over-indulge when you are at another's table. But then, good manners also seem to be lacking today.

I always limit the amount of food I serve because I refuse to contribute to anothers over-indulgence....and I've never had anyone complain or refuse an invitation.

I do, however, often send a "goodie" bag with some home-baked bread/dinner rolls, or leftover dessert home with the guests to enjoy later.

-Grainlady

Perhaps it's a cultural thing, but I'm one of those hosts who feed their guests until they are about to explode and cannot even look at another roll or slice of cake.

I have spent a lot of time working on my recipes and where I get the ingredients, both to make them taste better and to make them cheaper. The end result is that I can make good food for minimal prices, like a huge chocolate cake for about £2 or £3. It isn't a total saving however, this simply costs time rather than money.

The only thing I avoid buying is alcohol in any significant amounts. It's a custom for guests to bring a small something when invited over for a party or dinner/lunch, so I often suggest they bring a bottle. I normally find there are bottles left over, so we have been accumulating wine bottles for some time now.

I thonk it depends on the guests. If they're family and you see them pretty often, then put out limited amounts of snacks. Ice tea is cheap by the pitcher, so it works for evrybody. If it's someone you want to impress, such as yout boss or your old high school goyfrioend, then give them the works. As for alcohol, keep the servings diluted or smallish. And if you serve alcoholic drinks, pair them with food. You don't want to be responsible for drunk guests.

With finger foods and snack foods I've always assumed that everyone sort of knows when the tray is empty, the food is gone. Aside from them asking "Is there more ___?" how would they know you were limiting your portions? And even with that question, you could gently say "Oh, sorry! I must not have made enough tonight. I'll make sure to have some cookies (or whatever) for you next time you come over."

Personally, I wouldn't limit portions on my meals, but that's mainly because we eat meals family-style with our friends and I'd hate to run-out of something assuming they would eat a smaller portion. I also wouldn't want to run out of beverages, whether they are alcoholic or non-alcoholic.

Couple comments first. I guess I see it as depending on a few things. Are the people coming to eat or to "visit" (as the Minnesota term goes). Also what types of things are you serving, as mentioned before. That would make a difference. I don't think you're being any less hospitable by serving less. If that's how people judge you, well, they're not very good friends, IMO. Hospitality is defined as "Kindness in welcoming guests or strangers". Is someone serving 3 cookies three times more hospitable than someone serving one? Is someone who doesn't serve cookies then inhospitable? I think not. Food, snacks, beverages are not what makes a person feel welcome.

It brought a memory to mind of my childhood. My parents always would "put on the dog" so to speak for guests. But I remember often an occurrance that actually cut the portions, and totally unintentionally. You'd serve the guests! Or I should say, usually us kids served! Ma would prepare sandwiches, maybe potato salad and a cookie or something on a plate and we'd serve it to the guests. That wasn't real common, more often it would be a sit down "lunch" or something. But often with relatives who came to chat a while, there'd be a cup of coffee, and maybe a piece of cake served. Or it might be a cookie and a brownie or something like that. We'd be topping off the coffee and that too. I don't recall ever having someone take us up on the offer of "more cake?". And we might have out a bowl of potato chips, pretzels or something that we'd pass around.

As I was reminiscing, it occurred to me that at the fancy cocktail parties where people served the guests the "appetizers" (aka "snacks"!) there actually was a portion control to the point of rationing. Anyone been there and really able to pig out? LOL Going around and if you didn't get it, you probably wouldn't.

Another thought. Are your guests aware of your frugal concerns, or better, are they on board with it? Just so it's not one trying to out-do the other. I grew up with parents who were always trying to serve guests. They don't always need or want it. Some find it hard to say no. When I see people often, I'm comfortable saying no thanks to an offer. (I just finished some water, just ate, etc) and get the same often.

You are not obligated to serve them anything. And I wouldn't lose a lot of sleep over it. Actually, if you're close friends and see each other often, maybe bring it up as a discussion point. How do they feel? Maybe make it a policy to bring something each way to contribute. Or just say let's limit it to ______ and ______.

I just noticed you mentioned they have a limited budget. I'm sure they fully understand and would feel comfortable being up front and going with frugal options of your choice. Again, I'm sure they're coming for the company rather than the food.

Oh -- cynic, people don't "visit" any more! I love "visiting".

We do have a lot of drop-in guests during the summertime. I try to keep a few things on hand to whip up. Unfortunately, at 8pm -- I'm beat and the most my guests get is a glass of wine and a cold beer! If I know they are coming -- I'll defrost a few cookies and pop some corn. And if I really want to be fancy -- I'll put together a few dips or bruchetta. But that's it.

Friends come over to see YOU -- not get a free meal. Snacks are nice but you are not obligated to send them home "stuffed!" Are you comfortable with the amount of food you have eaten or are you hungry? That's really the key -- if you are fine with the amount for yourself and your family, they should be fine too.

Frankly, popcorn, iced tea, lemonade, cheap chips, cheap homemade cookies really do not cost much. It is hard to believe that someone cannot have some of those simple items for friends twice a month.
I've had a lot of friends who had very little money (we all worked in a ministry that payed nothing) but in most cases,
cheap food was something we could all easily provide.
The only time it was a hardship was when a family had medical expenses or something unusual going on.

I think it is perfectly fine to limit the amount served - for the sake of economy, or portion control, or because it takes effort to make cookies and such and you want them to last for more than one night.

It's all in the presentation. Making a dish that you can "plate" is one option. Putting the treats in a different room than where you are visiting so people have to get up to get them is another option. Loading up a tray with a sensible amount and storing the rest of the treats before your guests arrive is another. Making an abundance of a lighter/cheaper treat like popcorn is a fourth.

You can't count your guest's cookie intake or take back food that your husband has already set out, but I don't think you were planning to do either.

But the question is why be parsimonious with your friends?
The poster is addressing close personal friends. I tend to think that those types of friends are precious and should be treated accordingly; with love, generosity, time and sacrifice. I guess I really dislike selfishness.

For instance, my group of friends once had a close friend (to all of us) that would bring the worst food to a potluck. Now, we all the made the same money at the time, about minimum wage (although we all were college educated and in a ministry) and had similar life complications.

Eventually, we found out she was frugal and saved her money to buy nice furniture. I cannot even begin to tell you the distaste we all felt for that way of thinking when she told us how if we saved our money we could have nice things too.
I am not remotely implying the poster is that way but still, shouldn't we place people at a premium in our lives?

I feel like making an issue out of this because I'm not a dyed-in-the-wool frugal person (that would be dh!) and think I bring some balance to this topic.

Actually the truly stingy people are the ones who never invite anyone over. That way they don't have to bother making cookies or popcorn or straightening the towels. I know many people who live in lovely homes, and do visit others, but never entertain. Their excuse is either "I just can't get organized" or "I don't know how to cook anything" so if you are generous enough to have people over,guests are grateful. If they are critical--don't invite them again.
Portioning food for your family is a great idea. I notice that when my husband makes a lot of bacon--it all gets eaten.I tend to cook just enough. That stuff is personal style. Enjoy yours.

I would like to thank everyone for their insight as I try to work through how to handle things of this nature. Overall, my hope is to make sure that anyone who enters my door feels loved and cared for. I generally only use popcorn as a last ditch effort b/c I know that they eat popcorn frequently. However, I do try to make foods that they would not make for themselves such as chocolate meringue pie, or pastry, or any number of things that I like to cook because I do like to care for people. Whenever I offer people food in my home, it is more often than not the best food that I can afford and is generally something I have prepared myself. However, I amy trying to find the balance in portions because my time is becoming scarcer and good food has a higher price tag. This year alone my 3 yo has been diagnosed with autism and myself, at the ripe old age of 29 have begun having arthritis making my current position as a medical transcriptionist somewhat tenuous. I have spent much time contemplating this and my biggest concern is to make sure that those people who are indeed my good friends leave my house feeling loved and after much reflection, there is as much love in three brownies per person as there is in five per person.

Not to worry also, if anyone here were to join one of my dinner parties, I assure you that you will not leave hungry (and may even have homemade challah to take home for breakfast).

As you say, the guests are rather financially disadvantaged.

I wonder about one person's suggestion ... how about discussing the issue, some day? Are they sensitive about it?

As for a teen ... I remember my Dad saying, when I was a teen, that he thought that his son had a hollow leg!

I find that many feel that they must feed guests (whether food, or drink, or both, and whether the drink be alcoholic or not). Or they must schedule games, etc.

I feel empathy (I first said, "sympathy" ... but nobody died) with the Minnesota concept of "visiting".

As for me ... I find an evening satisfying ... just talking.

Also, some of my friends offer coffee, or tea, or pop/soda or something alcoholic. When I say that I'd like just a glass of water, some are almost distressed. And, as far as I am concerned, when they give me a bottle ... I'd just as soon have a simple glass, filled with tap water. Maybe I'm putting down a repressed childhood, trying to distance myself from the bottle with the nipple on top!

I guess, as we become adult, sometimes we become fixated on a different kind of nipple ... but that's another story!

Also ...

... no one has mentioned one of the great problems that many western people face these days, the issue of obesity. To a certain extent, it's killing us. If we encourage our frieends to overeat, we are doing them no favour.

Various facets to this issue, aren't there?

I hope that you feel comfortable with the decision that you make.

ole joyful

When I say that I'd like just a glass of water, some are almost distressed.

I know what you mean. It is like they are amazed that you don't want something better than water. I too am a water person, and would just as soon have a glass as a bottle. If they have ice, that is great....as is chilled water, but if all they have is straight out of the tap, that suits me fine.

Lots of my friends are pleased when I break out the (corn) chips (they need not be name brand expensive ones either) and some of my killer home made salsa.

Sue

Balancing time and money issues in entertaining is tough. I finally found a good balance by having cooking parties. A half-pound of flour, water, and two eggs with twenty minutes of pleasant conversation over busy hands makes a GREAT pasta, and cuts out any need for appetizers. Then the pasta goes into the water, someone is stir-frying the italian sausage, in gets thrown the prepped vegetables, and everyone sits. The hot pasta goes onto the dish, the dish goes onto the table and then is tossed in front of the guests with some butter & olive oil & parsley for dressing.

My prep time = 10 mins to get out ingrediants & chop veggies.
Dinner work time = 20 minutes to play with pasta.
Dinner cook time = 10 minutes from counter to table.
Dinner cost time = $1 for pasta, $8 for sausage, free veggies from the garden + butter & eggs = dinner for 6 for $10, $12 with a side salad of tomato & cuke with vinegar dressing.

And I usually serve $5 brownies cockaigne or $1 fruit ices (water + sugar + fruit from the garden) for dessert.

You can do this with all different kinds of pasta, potatoes, whatever starch you have. Saves time AND money and it's a LOT of fun!

plot_thickens wrote: "A half-pound of flour, water, and two eggs with twenty minutes of pleasant conversation over busy hands makes a GREAT pasta, and cuts out any need for appetizers. Then the pasta goes into the water, someone is stir-frying the italian sausage, in gets thrown the prepped vegetables, and everyone sits. The hot pasta goes onto the dish, the dish goes onto the table and then is tossed in front of the guests with some butter & olive oil & parsley for dressing."

This sounds great as well as inexpensive!

tish, when I was younger I did try to prepare food that was memorable that people didn't make for themselves--homemade bread, cookies, flaming crepes. The problem is that it really wears you out. People are happy to visit with you.
My son and his friends comment that lots of women cannot cook at all. Whole foods, Bristol Farms and even Ralphs sell mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, hot rotisserie chicken, and hundreds of already prepared foods. I would conclude from that --you could make people happy just making simple homemade food. The homemade pasta party sounded great.
I have started mixing cheese,etc., into my hamburgers and grilled with corn and other veggies its a hit. We had cubed melons with it. Thats an easy meal with almost no clean up.
Simple and easy is my new approach.