Not a tree, but I love the fall color of Viburnum lantanoides. In cooler climates, they start to change by the end of august, turning pink, then burgundy, then yellow, then brown by the end of summer. Restore, I live in Central Indiana also - Yes, the usual clay soil is a bit of a pain, but the alluvial floodplain soils are a pleasure to garden in. A fairly large creek goes across our property, and it floods a bit every year, depositing more rich, black silt. Most trees grow excellently. The forest is mostly elms, ash, and hackberry - Some sugar maple, tons of basswood. The soil never dries out completely - I'm afraid I've kind of neglected the claybound front yard and put all my effort into the floodplain!

I came here searching for suggestions for my 11 yr old SS his anger issues were not my fault but I was the brunt of his anger because I was here. He couldn't yell at his mother she would break down and cry. He couldn't yell at his father because he was working he took it out on me. And his relentlous baggering made me a basket case. I guess because my children were just expected to act a certain way and I got it ... that when I met these very willful children I didn't know how to "handle it". My SC were very spoiled. Their parents were too busy being rotten to each that the only way they could deal with 4 children was to pay them off. And disregarding bad behavior by buying them stuff. Didn't fix the bad behavior just stopped it for the moment. I don't know any step families so I couldn't ask how did you do it!! Yes some of my "ways" are unconventional but they work. What I learned from this board.... I can't change BM she is who she is. But I can change how I deal with her and how I handle the kids. They are not my children will never behave how my children behave. The children their mother do not "get to me" the way they used to. I am glad I found a place to complain about whats going on in my home. I do not argue with hubby over the kids I come here complain and get it out of my system. It gives me a place to vent so that when I speak with him about any issue I am not blowing up. Because I have already blown up. I used to keep a journal but was afraid the kids would find it. And I didn't want them to have any evidence in writing of my emotions at that time. Yes I do feel targeted by certain members of this board.... for reasons I will never know and I don't really care. I will still try to make my points. They do not live in my house they are not here 24 hours a day ... they peek in and see glimpses of a madwoman going on and on but only on issues I post about... I havent had a real rant about the kids or their mother in quite a while. Even though I could you wouldn't believe they the latest BS she is trying to shovel on me. The incident with the 18 yr old is a whole different ball game thats something I am sure I will deal with my own son and the 3 younger ones eventually. My daughter, I dealt with that in the way she needed to be dealt with. Same situation but different circumstances. There was no stockpiling or leaving booze around or weapons. Thank you to the supportive members.

It's me -- the one who didn't intend to, but apparently started a small furor in this stepfamily forum. Many of you are correct in writing that some others were unkind, hateful, and/or cruel to me. But you know, I understand that perhaps these women have their own agendas (perhaps like the three Kids I mentioned!) and I'm doing my best to do as my mother always told me: "Remember the source, Kathy." I'm not able to change others' past experiences or their world view, and I'm not even going to try. I've learned in my 62 years that what has happened has just plain old happened. I cannot change that. I can only work with the present and plan for a great day and a brighter tomorrow. It is difficult, however, to not attempt to explain or defend ones' self when attacked. But I will do my best to remember the source of the attack and ignore it. That's sometimes very difficult, though, isn't it? Remember the rhyme "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? Well, words DO hurt. Back a LONG time ago my step-daughters called me "a fornicating bimbo" and an "evil and conniving witch." I didn't respond to either of those names. I've never replied in kind. Actually, my husband thought the "f.b." description was pretty funny, because I'm not really that type at all! Do you think they meant it as a compliment? ha ha. Nah, probably not! Nowadays, however, I'm told by them that they love me, and they DO appreciate how well I've taken care of their father. Our grandchildren are vocal with loving and appreciative words, too. So, I chose to remember those words, instead. Thank you all for the heads up, though. I appreciate it. Kathy in Washington

Hello. Well, for one thing, whether you call it a separation or a divorce, either way the effect is often the same. Blood is blood. Kids fully know who BM is and who dad's GF is, regardless of how long or in what manner bio-dad and BM were hooked up. Again, a lot of what I see above is you being expected to take on all of this family's angst, however it came about, and your big reward is being the family scapegoat vs. given any appreciation. And, sorry, but this how many (not all, but many) SMs, who are married to their husbands and may have been for years can be treated: "I'm the only one experiencing the poor treatment that no one will do anything about." Society tolerates this and even encourages it. They actually think that you are supposed to give up your soul for this other family. Yes, it is actually true! All I know is when I found this out via my own experiences and reading similar on other forums, I was just as shocked as you were. Good SM reading material: Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do [Wednesday Martin Ph.D.]. bossyvossy, alluded to this, but it really is risky for a single woman to take up with a man with children and just live together. I wanted to give you the shadow of a doubt and refer to you as SM vs. caregiver. But, even SMs who are married to their husbands and have been for years, are treated similar to what you are seeing now. It has to do with the way SMs are valued (or I should say undervalued) in our society. And, unfortunately, the only argument some see for SM being treated even remotely like a family member is as dad's wife, and even then, the "wife" part is often forgotten at family events, and without any foreknowledge, dad's wife of 10 years, for example, can go to an event and find out that her husband has been hooked up with BM for the event. Again, without SM's permission nor even her husband's. I used to feel that way too, that GFs or BFs really have little rights at all when it comes to SKs, because they can come and go at a moment's notice, and kids really don't want to deal with all of this, one day dad's GF is in and the next day she's out. BUT, I came to realize that dad's GF of three months is usually treated little differently than a SM of 25 years. So, this has led me to at least somewhat back up GFs living with a man with children, because a) it is becoming more prevalent, and b) I hate to see women get set up for failure by their own man and society, regardless of the living arrangements. But, bossyvossy is still right in the sense that here you are giving up quite a bit for this man and his children, and getting nothing in return, including not even a real commitment. Again, I know you love him, but backup and look at the facts, or at least ask yourself: What am I really getting out of this relationship? I am a SM and have a friend who was much like you, a single woman with no children who went on to marry a man with children. She had no clue what she was getting into. She gave her time, love, heart, and own hard-earned money to these children, and thought, like most, that she'd get some sort of acknowledgement in return. Years later, she's still waiting for it. She told me from her perspective being a SM is like having all of the bad parts (such as cooking, cleaning, disciplining) of being a mom, but with little to nil of the good parts (such as hugs, kisses, eyes filled with love, cards, acknowledgement). Something for all of us to think about.