((((HUGS)))). Sounds like a lot to be dealing with! Perhaps he's got the holiday blues on top of the money worries, etc.

Are you guys intending to live in the farmhouse when it's done? And sell your current home? Or sell the farmhouse? Or keep both?

You can always tell him you guys are doing your best to stimulate the economy. The contractor appreciates the work he's got and the new appliances will be built by people who appreciate earning a day's wages.

I understand how it is to live with someone who is attached to old things. My husband had a hard time selling his late dad's washing machine. Not to mention the old stereo speakers we're still storing somewhere, 20 years after his dad died. It is hard to understand how the heart works when its not your own.

I hope you two can take some time off from talking about the project, just enjoy an evening together - do something fun and reconnect.

I think I would avoid both the rosy "don't worry, everything will be ok" and any pushing you're doing to get things done. I don't know how much you're driving this and how much he is, but if, when he gets stressed and blows up you listen to him and paraphrase his concerns ("it sounds like you think we can't afford to finish this") and then ask him what he'd like to do about it ("would you rather back off the time schedule a bit?" "are you thinking you don't want to finish this?"), he might calm down. Asking him questions about options will draw him out, and he may feel relieved at stopping or slowing, or he might realize he doesn't really want to stop, and will just finish blowing off steam.

If money is an ongoing concern, you might sit down to work through the budget periodically and evaluate where you are compared to plan, and see if you need to adjust timing or funding sources as needed. Sometimes money stress is more perceived than real, so if you put the pencil to paper that can tell you what the actual picture is, which might calm his fears.

I think the fibromyalgia is playing a larger role in what's happening than both of you may realize. To quote another web site: Fibromyalgia has been linked to fatigue, morning stiffness, sleep problems, headaches, numbness in hands and feet, depression, and anxiety." I can totally understand his concern with his health, age and worry of finances........especially if his health should get unexpectedly worse. Since his anxiety and depression could be stemming from the disease I would really concentrate on trying to have a very serious conversation on what the two of your want for the future. IMO, the main focus should be addressing his health problem and how to make his life better.

The additional stress is definitely not helping his condition and I think both, or one of you, should do as weedy suggested and lay out a budget on paper. List all your expected expenses, total cost of the contractor, and how you intend to pay for all the work.
You stated, " we have our house to help offset the cost". Maybe I'm wrong, but I think mortgaging your home is a big worry for your husband at this time.......for good reason.

I think you and your husband need to sit down and discuss why you're fixing up the house,what you intend to do with it and most importantly....what he wants to do with it.

Are you completely knowledgeable of your finances to know if you can afford it? If you didn't disclose the missing $2000, is he withholding information? A household renovation can be very expensive, especially on an older home. It sounds like your project has a lot of emotion & family history involved. Like others have said, I'd sit down & have a heart to heart talk and lay out current finances, costs incurred thus far, future expected costs, a payment plan, retirement plan, living location plan, time-frame, etc. to make sure you're both on the same page moving forward. Write it down to make it an action plan. It will make both of you feel more accountable and in control. The knowledge through communication will empower both of you. Whereas you sound optimistic, hopeful and enjoying the process, he sounds the opposite. Unfortunately it's affecting his health. Each of you has a different vision and the visions need to be shared and brought together so you're on the same page.

I feel the need to apologize to your husband for my having read this whole embarrassing exposé.

Secondguessing, welcome to THS and a big hug to help you get through the day. I disagree with castiron, BTW. You are desperate for outside opinions and we don't know you or or DH, so there is no need for anyone to be embarrassed. People who are totally healthy get overwhelmed with a renovation. I can't imagine remodeling my parent's house, especially if I had fond memories.

If you own your house full and clear, and own the house you are remodeling, you can take your time. If you do not have the funds for the remodel, I would ask your DH if he prefers to put it on hold for a while. If your DH blew up about $2k, it does not sound like he is comfortable with the projected cost of the remodel. Note - they always go over budget.

Is your DH retired or is he also working full time? That would make a difference.

My DH was once totally stressed out over a job that was more time consuming that expected. This was back in 2000, when it was easier to get a job. I recommended to him that he quit and look for something else. He did and was very grateful. Sometimes men need "permission" to back away from something. Do you think your DH would simply stop the remodel if you were OK with that?

Saving his health and your marriage seems like it would be more important than the remodel.

Best wishes, whatever you decide.

Don't be slow to recognize when you need help.

I am sometimes overwhelmed when I see all I still have to do in my remodel project. I get very burned out and wish I had more time to spend doing the things I would prefer to be doing. Yes some of it is fun and it great to see the improvements but there are times when you just don't want to even think about plans, sheetrock, or old dusty insulation. My advice is to think about the responses folks have provided here, put them with what you know about you and your DH and have a quiet non-confrontational discussion with him to find out how he feels about the project and the other priorities he is dealing with. It's my impression the two of you don't communicate enough about things that affect both of you. I would expect it will take time to get that kind of communication back and then maybe address the remodeling.

secondguessing,
Just checking in to see how things were going since you first posted a couple of weeks ago...