Bluekitten, you are not alone! :-)

Anyway - my 2c on this is that, since your granite choice is limited, why don't you choose at least the granite first? Based on what you pick, you can decide the rest of the finishes. For a shortlist, try to keep a couple of candidates ready (some lighter and some darker).

Also, you mention you like painted: what type of paint? Most folks who say they like painted cabinets actually seem to like ivory or white shades. Do you have any such preference? Specifically what about the stained cabinets do you like? Lack of graining (uniformity) or freedom to put any shade, or a specific look or what?

I do not want to confuse you further, but the espresso color could have been a great compromise: it has wood like look at the same time offering the benefits of the painted look (uniformity etc). - thus making both of you happy. But I'm only bringing up this to figure exactly what aspects of the cabinets you and DH like.

I think DH should default to you! LOL, just kidding. Bless him for caring! Anyways, are white cabinets totally out of the question? What about white cabs (or off-white, etc) and an espresso stained island? Both with a light-colored granite (something in the light brown tones?). Can you give more of an idea of the style your tastes run? ie, is yours more cottage and his more formal, or his more modern etc? I think the color might be less important that the style as far as making you both happy.

Hmm, good questions, homey bird and adanielo.

About painted cabinets - I love, love, love white cabinets. Always have. I love them for their simplicity, clean look and lightness. I love that they afford so many ways to add color and it gives great flexibility for change down the road. Recently, I've started to like painted cabinets in other colors, too. They go well with the modern cottage-type vibe I like in general.

I think wood cabinets can be beautiful and like the warmth they can provide, but I don't like a lot of grain showing. I also think many wood finishes can look overly formal and get dated quickly. The only ones I've liked consistently over the years are in the chestnut to walnut range.

DH is as adamant about his love of wood stain as I am about white cabinetry. :) He likes the warmth and color of natural wood. He thinks painted cabinetry is too flat and consistent and in tone. (the very thing I like about it, hee hee!) He's willing to compromise with a painted island but would be really unhappy with an entire kitchen of painted cabinets. He also thinks it's impractical to keep white clean in kitchens.

My style - Truthfully, I like lots of different styles. In kitchens, I'm very drawn to cottage-y type looks. To me, that feels homey, inviting, warm, etc. I like modern twists on traditional styling (e.g., subway tiles in new colors, slightly different sizes).

Segbrown's, katieob's and natashak's kitchens are pretty spot-on with my tastes:
http://finishedkitchens.blogspot.com/2010/05/segbrowns-kitchen.html

http://finishedkitchens.blogspot.com/2010/06/natashaks-kitchen.html

DH's style - Transitional, probably? Like me, he doesn't like a lot of fuss and ornamentation.

These are two of his favorite kitchens:
http://www.ironwoodlincoln.com/project_gallery.php

http://www.ironwoodlincoln.com/project_gallery.php

I actually don't see anything WRONG with these kitchens -- they just don't make my heart sing, you know? With the photos above, this is actually the cabinet style we've chosen.

So ... where do we go from here?

Aww, crud, just realized the photos aren't going to show up on those last two links. I guess I could best characterize DH's style as contemporary, but safe. Like me, he prefers clean lines and not much ornamentation. He definitely has a more masculine sense of style and does not like anything remotely cottage-like, though.

There has been a lot more of two tone kitchens on GW lately. Some have a contrast with the island, others have uppers and lowers different. My husband prefered wood grain and I was mixed so we did a mix of wood grain and painted. All the primary cabinets, upper and lower, are red birch, and the other elements - a set of pantry and closet cabinets with a different profile, a desk on another wall and the island are all painted white-ish.

I just recently saw a kitchen on GW that paired natural cherry lowers with white uppers (and some open shelves.) It has the lightness of a painted kitchen with the richness and visual texture of natural wood. It was beautiful.

Play around with search terms on google imagines - "wood lowers and painted uppers kitchen cabinets" - showed a few interesting images.

Another surprise may be when you really talk about preferances it may turn out that one of you doesn't feel so strongly either way or their is a compromise.

1. We're picking the granite first...

I disagree. Your granite is a horizontal surface, and with low-level granite, you're not going to make the granite the star of your design.

If you plan on having a backsplash, this will be the most distinctive area, with the widest possible choices. You may want to start with a backsplash-tile/cabinet combination, then pick a granite that works, even if it's not particularly attractive on its own.

2. We're leaning toward a mid-range to dark-colored wood stain, possibly with a painted island. (A compromise since I LOVE painted cabs and DH much prefers stained.)

Dark colored wood matches with many colors, whatever color you paint your walls with, the wood will be a match. Great for re-sale, and great if you want to change your whole kitchen by re-painting and changing the accessories.

"I like clean, simple lines and want a space that is inviting and warm but NOT formal."

GEOMETRIC (clean) + TEXTURES (warm) should work for you.

As suggested, definitely try out the idea of painted cabinets up top and wood on bottom. Needs to be done right, but can be fantastic and gives much of that light look you want. Since you'd have 2 main contrasting surfaces, this tends to look best if the lowers harmonize nicely with the floor, and counters and backsplash should be subservient. Backsplash that blends with upper and walls (very little color or light-dark difference among all of them) works well. Like all those white kitchens with white backsplashes, walls, and uppers, varying instead a bit in texture and pattern.

Regarding cleanability, this is the time we need to (briefly) stop fooling ourselves so we can make the best choices with our eyes open. White is by far easier to keep clean, since dirt can't hide and build up over time into a hard nasty mess. Wood is by far more comfortable to live with dirty, at least until you find yourself sticking to it. But, hey, who dies from that, after all? :)

For wood, I'd suggest beech or alder since you don't want too much graining. Santa Cecellia might be a good granite choice. I believe it's level one and not too dark but has some interest. A wide rail/stile design on the cabinets would give the clean unfussy look you desire. Just some ideas to throw out there .

In addition to all the other wood choices suggested, you can try to show your DH cabinets that are painted in rich chocolate-y or espresso shades. (I have included a link to a picture I admire at the end of this post).

(This is not a cottage look but a transitional one with painted cabinets).

I recall seeing HGTV's "designing for the sexes" show where couples always disagreed on remodel choices. What I saw the designer do was to offer a mix of their preferences.

Speaking of mixed tone kitchens : yes it can be a very good idea but one needs to be really careful about mixing, especially here there are two people mixing :-)

Another possible way to approach this is that you let DH pick the wood stain but narrow his choices to a grain free darker stain, and completely take over the rest of the choices like style etc. (or vice versa).

Hope this helps!

Here is a link that might be useful: A fabulous painted kitchen

Thanks for your suggestions, everyone. I think you're correct that using a mix of colors and textures will make both of us happy.

DH has agreed to a different color island, but doesn't like the look of painted uppers with stained lowers. He says it's "trendy and weird." I don't understand his logic, but whatever. I am so FRUSTRATED because he cares what the kitchen looks like but doesn't offer many suggestions of his own. He says I can do "whatever," but wants veto power over anything he really hates. Which is pretty much anything that strays from what's on our builder's website.

I've decided that I can no longer look at photos of any kitchens with white; it makes me sad. I'm looking for inspiration from stained kitchens that I DO like. So, here's what DH & I can agree on:
- a wood species with a very subtle grain - DONE
- simple cabinet design without a lot of ornamentation - DONE
- a medium or dark stain that doesn't have strong red or yellow undertones - getting there
- a light, subtle granite that doesn't hog the spotlight - considering Giallo Ornamental, which should meet that need
- a wood floor that contrasts with the cabinets - getting there
- doing something very geometric with the backsplash
- painted island - still undecided. I love the idea in theory, but I need to figure out how to integrate it with the rest of the design. I'd love tips on how to do this.

Would it be accurate to say that given all our neutral choices, the backsplash needs to be the star?

In case you're wondering, DH is making concessions, too. Our compromise is that I'll concede quite a bit on the kitchen, but I get full reign to do pretty much whatever I like in the bathrooms. Two of the three bathrooms WILL have white cabinets. :)

Hi Bluekitten,

Here are some ideas with some or most of your list...

-a wood species with a very subtle grain
- simple cabinet design no ornamentation
- a medium or dark stain, no strong red or yellow
- a light, subtle granite - considering Giallo Ornamental
- a wood floor that contrasts with the cabinets
- doing something very geometric with the backsplash
- painted island - still undecided.

Maybe looking at non white kitchens can help too.
~boxerpups

Boxerpups, I don't know how you do it, but THANK YOU.

I really like the design of #6, with different colors. Also love those examples of the glass tiles behind the hood.

Using a greenish-gray backsplash would definitely satisfy my need for some cool tones in the space, but coming up with a granite color might be difficult. Hmm. Thanks for giving me food for thought, though.

Another option, so that you can decrease stress and keep your hair, is to hire a designer by the hour to help you choose your colors. It is AMAZING what someone with the right eye for color can do in such a short period of time. We had spent hours just trying to decide paint color -- in just one hour the designer came in, figured out our preferences, took out her Sherwin Williams paint fan and VOILA! it was perfect. It may cost a couple hundred bucks, but may save you a great deal of time and agony to have someone direct you in a way that is acceptable to both you and DH.

Some very nice kitchens there.

Here's another idea to move toward the looks you do like in a totally different way: Don't do upper cabinets. Put lowers in the chestnut-to-walnut range you've always liked. Have open walls (always paintable and repaintable) above. Simple and dignified, and airy and open. Maybe a few open shelves low, eventually art and collectibles above. Cottages never knew what upper cabinets were, after all. What you put on any open shelves may be practical but can change as your tastes do. Maybe one or two uppers placed for practicality and balance, but not enough brown to look like a cabinet brochure or standard tract home.

Your husband may not like this idea initially, either, so it would be good to have a dollar figure of what you'd save up front and remind him they can always be added later.

BLUE, don't settle for anything that makes you sad. You two are building your home. You really, REALLY should not build in expensive elements you've never wanted and may regret all the years you live there.

After all, you could be living with that kitchen for a very long time, until these cabinets are so old they're torn out by the next buyer. My husband and I bought our first home thinking we'd be there for 3 to 4 years max. We were there a quarter century. This board is visited by many, many women in their 50s and 60s who are finally planning the kitchen they always wanted but never had. Don't be one of them.

Boxerpups,
Sorry to be offtopic but I love the BS in number 10.What is the backsplash that is used in number 10 picture. Please let me know.

Rosie -- Hmm. I'll have to think long and hard about eliminating the uppers. I'm kind of an organizational freak at heart, and I don't know if I could commit to doing more than a few open shelves.

Rjr -- I'm very close to turning this over to a designer. I think I have a decent eye for color, but I simply have lost all objectivity and feel lost.

Rosie -- Good point about not settling, although it seems kind of inevitable at this point. I'm trying to keep an open mind and find something that DH & I both love -- or at least like a lot.

I wish GW had a Like button such as Facebook's so I could Like Rosie's very sage advice.

Hi Vidyaram,

You might visit Modwalls, Backsplashes.com, Tile Supply,
tileshowcase.com and Trikeenan tile...

I can not remember specifically which tile it is. I think
it is a metallic tile placed vertical to create a great
feel to the space. Gorgeous.
~boxer

A few more that look cool....

Geez, if it's making you sad to look at white kitchens, i think you need to have another conversation with your husband. Does he know how it makes you feel? Just from what little you've written it sounds like he's kinda weirded out by painted, but you will be sad every time you go in your kitchen if it's stained. In my books sadness trumps " a bit weirded out" every time. Let him know it's important to you, maybe he'll see reason.