Well, I must not have walked under any ladders or had any black cats cross my path because boy do I feel lucky!! My seed packet has arrived with the most wonderful assortment of seeds. Are you sure it's not Christmas? Trading seeds is always fun, but with Alana leading the way, and everyones participation and fantastic seeds, this was the most fun trade ever. I have loved it all. Special thanks to you Alana for all the work and thoughtfulness. To each of the traders thank you for sharing all these seeds!! Must get back to my oohing and aahing. :)) Happy Halloween I'm off to see the Wizard! Jean/recipesaver2

Yes, Luvs, I've been adding a few witch things to my Halloween stuff. I'm really not into all the usual stuff like ghosts n goblins, jack o' lanterns, etc. but I do love witches and ravens. And of course witches have kitties. LOL. How neat, Kathleen, that you (and Candy) also got married in 1970. And Jane, you ate at the Outback too. ;o) Plus, Nana, some of us really like Dancing with the Stars. I think Candy previously nailed it about our Holiday gang having so many little things in common outside of just holiday decorating. Even the same furniture, or same figurines. Maybe this is why we seem more of a family, or a group of really long-time friends. Time, and distance, matters little it seems, some people are just meant to come into your life and make you feel like kindred spirits. I am always in awe of our group here, and the closeness/caring we share so easily with one another. I doubt any of us expected this when we found this Forum, we just wanted to share some Holiday decorating! ;o) By the way, here's the flowers Jas and Suz sent...and the two dolls I kept from my Mom's collection. These dolls come named, so that is Victoria on the left and Rebecca on the right. The photo is my Mom when she was in her early 20's, and the cat pair are very old figurines I found at an antique show about 25 yrs ago. (My mom loved cats) hugs, Karen

I donÂt think she sent the costumes because she was a kind and loving mother  you donÂt either. You canÂt change her  so donÂt waste the energy even thinking about it. My 2 cents is to focus on the kids. When the new costumes come, see what they think. Chances are pretty good (if they are anything like mine) that they will like the costumes they picked out better than the ones she is sending. But if not  hey  Halloween is all about the kids and just let them choose. You did the right thing buying them costumes, so donÂt sweat the money. Just let them choose. ItÂs possible that they may be able to wear both costumes (friends party, school function, ???) but I would not force them. "I" would let the child choose. Will this woman be around for trick-or-treating to see which costume they are actually wearing??? If she is, and they choose the costume you purchased, then if it were me, I always take the fall for my daughter who worries about hurting her fatherÂs feelings. I would tell my ex that I had already bought a costume and dd is going to wear that costume. He can blame me all he wants  I donÂt care. Will your dh do this? Tell his ex that she was too late this year and the costumes have already been chosen. Maybe next year she can help. Subject closedÂ

One parent cannot MAKE the other parent do anything.... not even take care of their own offspring. It really is sad. My SD9 lives with us and her mom wants to be her best friend but doesn't want her. I can totally relate because my SD's mom also has the "it doesn't work for me" attitude and she takes her kids with her when it's convenient for her or she needs to see them (they listen to HER problems, they give HER moral support, etc.) and when she wants the attention of being a mom, her kids are the props so people see her as a mom. It's never about what the kids want or need. But, that's another issue. In your case, you've been raising her since she was 4 and there's a reason her mom didn't. Her mom doesn't want her now and that's terribly sad for this child/teen, because it's hard enough to be a teenager and what every kid wants is to be loved... unconditionally. It's really unfair to say "now that you're a teenager & acting up, we want to get rid of you.... let your mom deal with you!" when you know her mom doesn't want her. Some of the things you describe are normal teen behavior.. testing the boundaries & ascertaining if they truly are loved unconditionally. Many of us were rebellious teenagers and not all rebellious teens come from a divorced family or step family situation. I believe it can be more complicated with steps involved but it also has to do with how it's perceived and how everyone reacts to it. I'd agree that it's more likely to be taken personally in a step situation where the step parent's children are not yet teens & the step parent has no idea how to deal with teens. In my situation, my kids are grown & I've dealt with three teens and I have concerns about what it will be like with my SD in a few years. Her mom allows her to do all sorts of things that we feel are shaping her to be a nightmare teenager. (ie. lets her dress 'sexy', puts fake tattoos on her belly, teaching her 'sexy' dance moves, puts nasty rap songs on her ipod, lets her watch R rated movies, etc.) and not a day goes by that I don't wish her mom would take more of an interest in raising her and being there for her. At this point, I'd be happy if she'd answer her phone or **gasp** pick up her own phone & call her daughter and if she would stop canceling her weekends... but we can't 'make' her. **sigh** However, it would be the wrong thing to decide to 'throw her back' because she's being difficult. Trust me, I've thought it & I've pondered it on here... 'should I throw in the towel?' but as hard as it is and as frustrating as it can be, giving up on a child is only going to make things worse. I also understand how hard it is when you are raising your kids & you don't want them to pick up on a bad influence but I have three kids and my oldest one did things that I worried would be a bad influence on my two younger ones... but he's my son. It was a good lesson for my two younger ones to learn.. that we don't turn our back on family. Your SD is family.